ANDREW CULTURE

 

Name: Andrew 'Constantinople' Culture
Date of Birth: 19/06/1976 (punk year, hurrah!)
Status: layabout, good for nothing
Achievements: Urinating 'hands free' once.
Secret weapon: Disarming
flatulence
Bad habits: Smoking, refusing to realise that I am a talentless 'musician'
Quote: "because of me, they have a warning on it"  Homer Jay Simpson
Hero: that fella, you know, that one with the hair
 
I would sell my soul for ... the ability to play bass guitar, and maybe some chocolate buttons also (is that being greedy?)

I wouldn’t be seen dead wearing ... Blue jeans

I’d do anything for Mmmm, Juicy, but I won’t ... learn to sing, or find out how many ten pence pieces I can fit inside my foreskin

When I die, promise you’ll never look ... inside my foreskin

Hang the blessed DJ because ... otherwise Jay-lo just wont shut the fuck up, SHUT UP WOMAN, SHUT UP, oh and another thing, EAT MORE PIES SCRAWN
 
If you were Batman who’d be your Robin?
One of my cats, or can I have all three?  If they stood on each others shoulders they still wouldn't be as tall as robin,  But they can huss fur balls at the enemy, I'd like to see Robin try that, oh, again, no I wouldn't.
 
If you were Itchy who’d be your Scratchy?
That fella with the hair again
 
Would you rather everyone could read your mind, or no one could understand you?
I'm already in the second place,,,
 
If you could invent something what would it be?
Self emptying bowels, no, actually that would be pretty bad,,,
 
Do you believe in hell?
I grew up near Leiston
 
If you could add a new word to the dictionary what would it be and what would it mean?
Galron (pronounced 'gaaaaaal-ron), you could use it as an exclamation with you stub your toe, or when you wish to assert yourself.
Example,
Taxi Driver - "That'll be Five quid,"
Me - "GALRON,"
Taxi Driver "sorry sir, it's on me"
 
Describe yourself in 5 words: perspacassic, geek, streak, smile, geek
Favourite song: I am the resurection - The Stone Roses
Favourite bands: The Replacements, Stone Roses, Suede, Charlatans, Killerest Expression, Wireless Stores, Sex Pistols, Public Image Ltd
Favourite TV shows: The Office, The Day Today (and Brass Eye). The Simpsons, Family Guy, Futuramma, Malcom in the Middle, Married With Children, Fraiser,Red Dwarf, documentaries (just so it doesn't' look like I have a problem with reality!).
Finally,
 
Would you rather eat a teaspoonful of your own shit, or a whole baby?
Can I see the wine list first please?





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