LYDIA SCHMIDIA
Name:
Lydia Marjorie (thanks mum) Schmidia
Date of Birth: 04/12/84
Status: Creator,
Co-Editor, Webbitch and Chief Stapler of Mmmm, Juicy
Achievements: At Reading 2000 I managed to lock all 3 keys in the tent and us out of the tent.
Secret weapon: Hot pants and knee socks
Bad habits: Steeling all the Malteasers
from a bag of Revels, then spitting the orangy ones that look like
Malteasers back in the bag when I realise they're not malteasers.
Quote: “I buy the Big issue, but it's NOT to help the homeless”
- F Strudelle.
Hero: Quincy
I would sell my soul for ... a year’s
free supply of cider (Strongbow or white lightning)
I wouldn’t be seen dead wearing ... a spandex body suit that
is brown and orange
I’d do anything for Mmmm, Juicy, but I won’t ... go down on
Margaret Thatcher
When I die, promise you’ll never look ... under my bed
Hang the blessed DJ because ... he’s always playing R Kelly
‘I believe I can Fly’, which brings back memories of old school
discos becoming a hygienic threat due to the drool bath created by
couples snogging.
If you were Batman who’d be your Robin?
Alfie; my trusty steed. Did I tell you he can do the tricks
'look left' and 'shake hands'
If you were Itchy who’d be your Scratchy?
Mark Rampley, he’s not a dick, he’s more the flaking bits of
old wiladelphia you’d find encrusted on a lepers knob. And I hate
him. With a passion.
Would you rather everyone could read your
mind, or no one could understand you?
Arrggh, um, I guess ‘everyone could read my mind’... either
one I pick would probably result in me having few friends.
If you could invent something what would it be?
MUL-LETIT GROW ™ - only 2 easy squirts of Mul-letit Grow™
on your head and you instantly grow a mullet!
Note: Can also be sprayed on animals and small household objects.
Do you believe in hell?
Hell is a Half-pipe, with me standing at the top, on a skateboard,
shitting my radical baggy skate-chick pants
Do you think you'll end up there?
I’d have to be very drunk
If you could add a new word to the dictionary
what would it be and what would it mean?
Nastard (noun), To describe someone who is a nasty bastard (e.g. He
is a Nastard for sleeping with his girlfriends grandma)
Describe yourself in 5 words: Someone Call
the Glamrock cops
Favourite song: Midnight On The Murder Mile - Carter USM
Favourite bands: Carter USM, Antihero, Miss Black America, The
Dawn Parade, The Smiths, Idlewild, At the Drive-In, Soft Cell,
Jurassic 5, The Exiles, Girls against boys, RATM
Favourite TV shows: Quincy, The Office, most ch4 documentaries,
Big Train, South Park and Brass Eye
Favourite films: American History X, The Green Mile, Stigmata,
Being John Malkovich, Wayne's World 1 & 2, American Beauty,
Magnolia, Bill
and Ted, South Park. Loads more...
Finally,
Would you rather eat a teaspoonful of your own
shit, or a whole baby?
A teaspoonful of my own shit. Mmmm, Tasty!
Schmid and her GG Alfstar
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