Untitled (In 3 Parts)

Part One- Sarah

“Binge” (By PapaRoach)
“You better put that down
You better put that down

All n need is a bottle
And I don’t need no friends, no
Wallow in my pain
To act like I’m happy
When I drink till no end, no
I’m losing in the end
And she says
Behave little boy
You better sit back down
Til you hold your ground
It’s your turn to learn to fight
You better sit back down
Til you hold our ground
When I’m sober life bores me
So I get drunk again, yeah
I’m losing all my friends
I’m losing in the end
She says,
Behave little boy
You better sit back down
Til you hold your ground
It’s your turn to learn to fight
You better sit back down
Til you hold your ground
You better sit back down
You better put that down
Put the bottle down
I am on a binge
Behave little boy
You better sit back down
Til you hold your ground
It’s your turn to learn to fight
You better sit back down
Til you hold your ground
I am on a binge
I wish things would change
Wish they’d rearrange
I’m on a binge
I wish things would change
Wish they’d rearrange
I am on a binge
I’m on a binge”
PapaRoach

He hit her hard on her left cheekbone, forcing her to bite the inside of her cheek. The metallic taste of blood filled mouth and she could feel the side of her face throbbing. She turned around and tried to stumble away but he grabbed her shirt and pulled her back towards him.
“Come back here you little slut!” He slurred, knocking over a table as he tried to support himself. “You think that you can just walk away from me. You have no respect. I brought you into this world and I can take you out of it!”
“Things would be different if mom was still alive!” She screamed. “If she was here you wouldn’t be acting like this…” She sobbed. “You wouldn’t drink, you wouldn’t do this. We would be happy, if mom was here.”
“And whose fault is it that she isn’t? She died because of you. It’s your fault she’s dead. God, if it’s wasn’t for you she would still be here! You killed her by coming into this world!” He screamed, “You deserve everything I do to you because of that!”
He bashed her over the head again and she tried to kick him away. She was sprawled over the kitchen floor, with him squatting over top of her, as if trying to proclaim a position of authority.
“Dad, please leave me alone, please…”
“Dad, please, please…” Her father mimicked and then chuckled. His eyes flickered and then his body wobbled slightly forward and side to side. He blinked once more and kicked her to the side, shaking his head. “Why don’t you just fucking die!” He then fell to the ground, passing out on top of the empty whisky bottle on the kitchen table.
Sarah tried to get up, but instead crawled towards the staircase leading down to her room. She got half way down with full control, and then fell the rest of the way. “I have to get out of here…” She whispered, trying to get herself the motivation to collect her personal belongings from her room. She didn’t care where she went, or where she ended up, she just couldn’t live with him. She knew that things would be so much different if her mother was around. Her dad wouldn’t be like that. He would be supportive. What the hell did she do wrong?

“I have to take a break for a couple days, I can’t handle this anymore.” I told Jordan we sat across from each other at a dimly lit café in downtown Toronto.
“No, you are gorgeous. You are the latest thing. Everyone wants to be with you. There’s no way you are stopping now.” He took my hand across the table, and stroked my fingers delicately with his. “I need you.”
I looked back at him, right into his eyes. He scared me. Sometimes he was so amazing, so sweet, other times he just lashed out on her, called me names and even hit me. I hated how I never knew what to expect.
“I just need to get to know myself. I don’t want to be doing this forever, I want to make something of myself.” I pulled my hand away from his and brushed hemyr auburn hair out of my eyes, then clasped both my hands on my lap.
“Why won’t you just fucking listen to me? This is not what you would call a normal job. You are a prostitute, a whore. You can’t just ask for a week off and expect to get it. It requires hard work and dedication. If you want to make something of yourself you better damn well earn your reputation with clients. End of story.” His voice was rising and I could tell that he was losing his temper. “What were you planning to do anyway? Go curl up at the mission and expect everything to work itself out? You need to work for your money. I don’t want to waste my time on you.” I bit my bottom lip. I knew that I had to keep him in a public place; I couldn’t be alone with him when he was like this.
“Okay.” I could tell that I wasn’t getting anywhere fast and that I should stop before I got herself into anymore trouble.
Jordan looked over my shoulder nervously. “We have to get out of here.” “What’s going on?” I asked, my voice shaking slightly. I hoped he wasn’t bullshitting me, as he probably just wanted to leave. Get me some place more private and secluded, where he could yell and scream as loud as he wanted.
“Donnelly’s here.” He started to pick up his things, which included his leather jacket, cell phone and duffel bag. “Let’s go.”
“Wait, who’s Donnelly?” I asked, confused.
“Are you stupid?” He shot back. “Donnelly is the cop whose been following us! Now let’s get the hell out of here!”
I looked over her shoulder, and sure enough, there was a police officer sitting at a table across the café, sipping a cup of coffee.
I picked up my things and followed him out the door and down the street. After a couple moments, he turned around and glared down at me. “What the hell are you doing following me?” He asked.
I stuttered and tried to answer, but before I could get the words out, he started to speak again.
“He’s looking for you, and thinking that if he finds you, that he will find me. I don’t want to be arrested, and you do not want to pay the consequences if I am arrested. Trust me. Now get out of here.”
I tried not to cry as she turned around and started to walk in the opposite direction. I walked quickly, concentrating on my feet as she went.
-Left, Right, Left, Right…-
Where was I going? I didn’t have anywhere to go. No friends, no relatives… just Jordan. I sat down on the edge of the street and rested my chin on the palm of my hand. I knew I was going to start to think; after all, it was night time. I always thought the most at night. I didn’t want to think, didn’t want to remember. I just wanted to forget and move on.
My cheek began to throb, where Jordan had hit me the week before. I knew it wasn’t his fault. He got like that when he had been drinking or using. I didn’t know what the substance was during that incident, but I knew that his drugs of choice were alcohol and cocaine. They seemed to have the same effect on him. The energy rush, the rush of adrenaline. I hated him when he was like that. He reminded me too much of her father.
-It’s all your fault your mother is dead…-
I didn’t want to think about my father. I hated him so much that I couldn’t help but love him. I knew that I had no choice but to leave, I couldn’t blame myslef for that. I blamed herself for doing something wrong when I was there. I had to have done something to make him treat me that way. I should have respected him, should have tried to hide his alcohol, as he only got mean when he was drinking. I should have done more for him.
I looked over my shoulder and saw Constable Donnelly walking down the street to my left. I knew that he hadn’t seen me yet. I put my wool jacket around my shoulders and began to walk across the road.
“Hey, Girl! Can I talk to you for a moment?” I didn’t look over my shoulder, just kept walking. He began to follow and I started to run. I cut down into an alley, where I bumped right into Jordan. They both jumped back.
“Didn’t I tell you to get the hell away from me?” He snarled.
“He...he’s coming.” I tried to say as I caught my breath.
Just then Donnelly walked around the corner, almost right into us. He smiled, and put both Jordan and I in cuffs. As he did this, a police car pulled around the corner.
I swore under my breath and could feel Jordan staring at me. I tried not to look back.

Part two- Jordan Broken Home (By Paparoach)
All alone
I can’t seem to fight these feelings
I’m caught in the middle of this
And my wounds are not healing
I’m stuck in between my parents
I wish I had someone to talk to
Someone I could confide in
I just want to know the truth
I just want to know the truth
Want to know the truth
Broken home
All alone
I know my mother loves me
But does my father care
If I’m sad or angry
You were never ever there
When I needed you
I hope you regret what you did
I think I know the truth
Your father did the same to you
I’m crying day and night now
What is wrong with me
I cannot fight now
I feel like a weak link
Push it back inside
It feels bad to be alone
Crying by yourself living in a broken home
How could I tell it so you call could feel it
Depression strikes hard like my old earth
Would tell it
To her son she told me I’m the one
Pain bottled up about to blow like a gun
Stories that I tell are nonfiction
And you can take it back
Cause it’s already done.”
PapaRoach

A boy sat at the top of the stairs, looking down at his parents in the kitchen. They were fighting again, but this wasn’t unusual.
His baby brother Carl, who was asleep in the back bedroom, started crying. They had woken him up for the fourth night in a row.
He sat down on the top step, unable to muster up the energy to comfort him. He had tried night after night to calm him down, but it never seemed to do any good.
The truth was, he was scared. It was so hard for him to admit that to himself. He was never scared, always perfect.
As his mom screamed and his dad yelled to quiet her down, he thought about something really horrible. Why can’t they just get divorced? They hated each other anyway. The boy hit himself on the side of the head suddenly. They had to be fighting about him.
Right then, he heard something slap against his mother’s face. She always tried to cover the bruises and scrapes, saying that she tripped or fell down. He knew that if she ever left dad, everything would go wrong.
Carl was still crying and now so was he. Jordan couldn’t wait until he was old enough to leave. He wanted to get out of there.

She didn’t value anything anymore. She didn’t value herself or care about the importance of such a connected and ongoing business.
“I want to make myself something. I want to move on with my life.” Sarah said as she sat looking at me over the table while sipping her hot chocolate. I exhaled my cigarette smoke and looked at her, taking her hand across the table.
“Sweetie, I understand how you are feeling, but you are so gorgeous and you can’t let that go to waste. You have to flaunt it. You are one of my best girls. I don’t want to lose you, I love your looks, your personality; I love everything about you. “ I stared into her eyes, trying to sound sincere. I hoped that she didn’t realize that I was just feeding her a load of bullshit.
“You are such an ass. I don’t want to work for you anymore. I want to do something with my life, and not just be your little slut!” She pulled her hand away and brushed her hair out of her eyes.
That was it. The little bitch was going to get it. She didn’t have the right to treat me like that. I was her superior, her boss; she didn’t know what I could do to her. I glanced over her shoulder wondering what to say next. Sitting there was that Donnelly fool, probably waiting for us to leave. It was hard to figure out whether he was after Sarah or I, since he was only there when we were together.
“I have to go.” I told her, glancing back again. I got up and started to walk away, hoping to get as far as I could from both Sarah and the cop. I pushed through the door and started to walk briskly down the empty street. Suddenly I felt like someone was following me. I whipped around to see Sarah following my footsteps.
“Sarah, I have something else that I need to attend to right now. I will see you tomorrow all right?” She smiled and turned around and I continued to walk in the direction I was heading.
When I reached the end of Queen Street, I turned into an alley and began to walk back in the direction that I had come. I knew that I should have gone the other way when I left the café, but I wanted to throw the cop off, and have I follow Sarah instead.
I didn’t know why I was trying so hard not to lose Sarah. The only thing that she had going for her were her looks, and satisfying older clients. She was going to get older and I would have to dump her, but until then, I was trying to ignore all of the shit she was bringing down onto me. I didn’t know why this cop was on our backs, but I wanted him to leave us the hell alone.
I sat down on the step of a deserted apartment building and pulled out my bag of powder. I did a line, sniffed, and got back up, feeling better that I did before. Cocaine made me stronger, more aware of what was going on around me, but let me see who was really at fault. As usual, I knew that Sarah was the one who was causing all of this shit.
I turned into another alley, deciding to go back onto the main street. Sarah and Donnelly should be further away by now, so I was safe. I would have to avoid her for a couple of days, just until things cooled down.
As I rounded the corner, I bumped right into her. What the hell was Sarah doing here?
“What are you doing here?” I asked her, trying to sound calm. I could feel my pulse begin to race and I was getting more and more angry. I could feel myself about to lose control. She breathlessly said something, and before I had the chance to make my exit, Donnelly came around the corner and smiled. He placed handcuffs are both of us and I glared in Sarah’s direction. The bitch had set him up.

Part Three- Constable Hugh Donnelly

So Much for the Afterglow (Everclear)

“This is a song about Susan,
This is a song about the girl next door,
This is a song about the everyday occurrences
That makes me feel like letting go,
So much for the afterglow.
This is a song about Susan,
This is a song about the way things are,
This is a song about the scary things that you see
From the corner of your eyes,
Don't you wonder why?
We never talk about the future,
We never talk about the past anymore,
We never ask ourselves the questions
To the answers that nobody even wants to know,
So much for the afterglow.
I remember we could talk about anything,
I remember when we used to want to hang out,
I remember we could talk about anything.
I remember, I remember, I remember.
We never talk about the future,
We never talk about the past anymore,
We never ask ourselves the questions
To the answers that nobody needs to know.
Oh well, oh well, so much for the afterglow.
Yes I guess we need the drama.
So much for the afterglow.”
Everclear

The boy picked up the phone, to lazy just to walk to the next house over. Maybe Jeff could come outside and play cops and robbers before dinner. That was our favourite game.Hugh was always the cop because I am the best cop around. Jeff was always the robber, just because he was Jeff, and Jeff always played the enemy the best.
“Hello?”
“Hi, is Jeff there?”
“No, Hugh he isn’t in right now. Do you want me to tell him that you called?”
“Yes please.”
“Actually, why don’t you just come over and help me bake some cookies. Jeff should be home shortly.
“Okay, thanks, I’ll be over in a couple of minutes Mrs. Masinol.”
Hugh walked to the front doorstep and threw on his running shoes. He couldn’t wait for Jeff to get home.
“Mom, I’m going next door!”
“Okay honey. I’ll call you when dinner’s ready.”

I sipped my coffee and looked around as I enjoyed the last few minutes of my break. The coffee wasn’t very good but it was getting rather late and I definitely could use the caffeine.
My job was stressful, especially with a wife and child at home. My family life was hard because of my shift work, and I had been concentrating a lot lately on a specific case, a case that I felt some emotional attachment to.
I had grown up next door to the Masinol’s and was best friends with their boy Jeff. Jeff was a great guy, always happy and willing to listen. I thought that Jeff and I would be friends for a long time, but then something just changed.
Jeff got distant from everyone when he met Linda. She was his life and Jeff never came out with us anymore. Eventually Jeff and I grew apart. I started a family, and Jeff married Linda and they had a daughter. Sarah.
Linda died giving birth to Sarah, and I thought that Jeff had resented this since the day it happened. I tried to get in touch with Jeff again, make things right and make him feel good again, but he was too busy thinking about what he lost to move forward. Instead Jeff began to drink.
For years I wondered how Jeff and Sarah were doing. I soon stopped thinking about it when I became a police officer. It was easy to drench myself in work and family, forget about the past and move on. At least until about half a year ago.
I was sitting in my office when a report came in about a runaway teenage girl. Pretty standard, and as horrible as it is, pretty normal. I began to scan over it until a word caught my eye. Masinol. I began to read it more closely. It shocked me at first. Alcoholic, abusive, violent… was this the same Jeff Masinol? Then at the bottom, “Requested Officer, Hugh Donnelly.” I couldn’t believe that this was happening.
I had been working on the case for about six months now, and I still didn’t know why Jeff waited almost a year to report that his daughter had runaway. There were so many questions that I had that hadn’t been answered, and I was trying to distance myself from the case. It wasn’t working.
I finished the last sip of my coffee and glanced across the café. That couldn’t be Sarah. No way could that be Sarah. But it was. She was sitting there with Jordan, who was really big in the prostitution business. I knew that this couldn’t be good.
I saw Jordan glance in my direction, say something to Sarah and he got up to leave. She followed him.
I waited a minute or so before following them. That was an ancient law enforcement secret when it came to things like this… delay progress until they thought they had gotten away and have let their guard down. Worked almost every time.
I waited a few minutes and then got up and slowly strolled out of the restaurant. I began to slowly walk down the street, looking around me for any sign of the pair. In the distance I saw a young girl sitting on the curb, but although I wasn’t close enough to be sure, she definitely resembled Sarah.
I had no intention of bringing her back to live with her father. I knew that Jeff wanted that, but he also knew that Jeff didn’t provide a good home environment. Part of my job was to make decisions in the best interest of the child and since Sarah was under eighteen, she was still classified as a child. In this case she was definitely the victim.
It was definitely Sarah. She looked so scared and lonely and it made me wonder why Jordan had disappeared. I radioed my partner and told him what was happening and to be ready with the car.
I stood for a moment, out of view, and watched her sitting on the side of street. She looked to be slightly shaken, and I wondered if she was using narcotics. Downtown Toronto was a bad area, and I knew that Jordan was definitely bad news. Maybe this was going to be more difficult that I had originally thought.
“Excuse me?” As I got closer, he yelled in Sarah’s direction. She had started to walk across the street now, had probably seen him coming.
Sarah glanced over her shoulder and began to run, I kept my pace, didn’t want to scare her. That wasn’t how you handled these types of situations.
She turned into an alley and I lost sight of her. As I turned around the corner, I smiled in surprise, forgetting about my professionalism. What a lucky night. Jordan was standing there with Sarah and they looked mortified. I put the handcuffs onto their wrists.
“You are under arrest.”
My partner pulled up in the distance and I frowned. What was he going to do about Jeff?

Epilogue:

Sarah moved in with her Aunt who lived in a town about an hour away and is now in her last year of high school. Since she was a young offender, she only got community service. She still visits Jordan, but not as frequently as she used to. She is slowly getting over him and the history with her father, with the aid of a therapist.

Jordan was arrested for the possession of approximately 100 grams of illegal narcotics and for exploiting prostitution. He is eligible for parole in ten years. He still sometimes tries to get a hold of Sarah, saying that he has changed, but according to his inmates and security, he has only gotten more bitter and aggressive.

Constable Hugh Donnelly now only works in the office for the Toronto Police. After Sarah’s case he decided that going out on the road was too stressful and that he didn’t get to spend enough time with his family.

Jeff Masinol, Sarah’s father is currently in a rehabilitation center for the alcohol abuse. He has been sober for two weeks and is not happy about it. The doctors are trying to help him work through the pain of losing his wife.

--Song lyrics courtesy of www.paparoach.com (broken home and binge) and www.everclear.com (so much for the afterglow)

Email: si_struggle@hotmail.com