I wear a mask of happiness
But deep inside i'm in pain
Pain from life, love, and everything in between
I walk the halls the halls yelling happiness
But I'm really yelling Saddness
Saddness from life, love, and everything between
Cutting is the only out from the Pain and saddess that
fills my heart with sorrow
The pain is seeping into my soul and I don't know it
Holding th eanger, pain, and saddess inside
Only being released by the cuts...........
Alice
Tools
I cut to release the pain,
I don't cry, I just cut
As I watch the blood beads
I imagine those are my tears
running down my face
releasing the pain and agony of life
Sometimes I wake up in the dark night,
and reach for the razor and I cut
My razor is like a tool
It fixes the problem.......
Alice
Trusted Again, My Old Friend
Today I was greeted by an old friend
He said a helping hand, he could lend
Foolish me trusted once more
And now things are as they were before
I thought that my friend had changed his ways
But now at his command my hand obeys
Addiction has now struck me down
And again my smile has turned to a frown
All because he said, "Hi there!"
Immediately I wanted to share
All the things that stressed me out
Came out of my head and flew about
He said that he would take the pain
Because I was one step from insane
So I decided to trust once more
And the razor at my skin tore
Blood gushed out as relief came
But now my wrist looks the same
The same as only one month ago
How could I again stoop so low?
Now I'm sure that trust is infantile
As up comes all of my past's bile
The more that spurts out of my mind
The more places to cut I find
All this because I trusted again.
Leah
What Emily Sees
She said to me once: "Make my outsides match my insides, kill the pain that
Dwells within. Make the tears flow from my eyes, instead of from my skin."
I don't understand how she can do
What she does when attempting
To make her outsides match her insides.
There's a pain that resides within her, I know
That is slowly *cutting* away at her soul.
I watch her sleep curled
Up tight like a newborn.
She clings to Walter, the racoon, anguish
Screwed upon her face tighter than
The cap on a bottle of Prozac.
I don't understand...
There's a pain that resides within her, I know
That is slowly *scarring* her soul.
I watch her as she smiles at me with
Her mouth but not her eyes.
She leans in my doorway, quietly waiting
For me to turn away so she can disappear like
A shadow into the hallway.
I don't understand...
There's a pain that resides within her, I know
That is slowly *destroying* her soul.
I watch her sit in her tormented
World of comfortableness.
She wants so badly to cry, tears well
Up but they don't fall from her eyes,
Only from the mercy of her hands.
I don't understand how she can do
What she does when attempting
To make her outsides match her insides.
There's a pain that resides within her, I know
That is slowly coaxing her away from me.
Laura
Things went alright today
I think I'll go enjoy a play
On my way there I caught the stares
So I returned home anf fled up stairs
They see the scars and hate me
For feeling some kind of pain
All it does is hurt me
Will I ever be the same?
What was I before I started?
What was I before I began?
Just because my skin I parted,
Does that now mean to all I sin?
I had a horrid day today
The pain has come and is here to stay
I need the release I find in my old friend
A soothing cut, the blood runs out, its all the same in the end
I love this and I hate itThe scars that I show
But mostly I just need this
Only my blades edge knows
-Jennifer
so many thoughts and so little time
i take a deep breathe
and i wait a few minutes,
till my mind has goes black
my eyes filled with so much rage
blood shot from all this pain
weaker i begin to become
taken by this obcession
as i slowly roll up my sleeve
to show my old wounds
will this be my final embrace?
i take a slice and another until my arm is totally drained
finally it stops
the suffering has ended
but for how long?
how can this pain feel so good?
its the same mistake all over again
i know im only going to regret what i just did
but ill only go and do it all over again
tomorrow.......
-Daisy
Intentional Hurtings
Cutting for pain, cutting for joy
Cutting just to cut or cutting the name of some boy
It helps me understand and it helps me deal
With all this pain and sorrow I'm forced to feel
The draining of my blood is the draining of my pain
It keeps me alive and it keeps me sane
The scars, the incisions in my flesh
They look painful but they calmed me when I was stressed
It helps me to harm and I won't try to deny
That this is the only was I know how to survive
Do you understand me, can you relate?
You've still got time, but for me it's too late
Because I have to bleed, because I have to hurt
Because self-mutilation was my choice, but now is my curse
My pain is shown through cuts on my wrists
My tears are in the blood
The open wounds are my screams for help
But they are hidden, no one can hear them
The smile on my face is the mask I use
My image of perfection covers my troubles.
I long to change so many things
But the only action I take is cutting my arms
The sharp knife digs into my skin of problems
And they are all releived with the pain I caused
But as the cuts start to heal and close up
My emotions hide inside my scars
The marks that show just how weak i am.
As the blade goes deeper in my skin
I can feel pain , my heart aching ,'
My soul bleeding , my skin dripping
And yet , i continue
For the sheer joy of it .
You touch me
Yet i never asked to be touched ,
You kiss me
and yet i never asked to be kissed .
And this time it is not a blade of steel ,
but too much love ,
too much comfort i am not used to ,
to much ease and love and care .
I feel like drowning ,
not being able to repay
that serenity that u inflicted upon my heart and mind .
I am afraid
Afraid now of falling under my own darkness ,
My own psychosis.
From time to time , this hate emmerges from my heart ,
And as these 2 forces of love and darkness collide ,
I choke
I stop breathing ,
it becomes too much And again as the blade carresses my skin ,
to mutilate it once more ,
I become me , without unknown forces or feelings ,
simply me , a human
that bleeds
that aches
that cries
and eventually helps itself continue .
-Spooky
Inner struggle
Bad and good
infront of the mirror
You stood
A sharp object burning your palm
Urging u , to self harm .
Inner pain
yourself u shut
Looking at ur reflection
You cut
Blood drips
You stand still
You find peace
In a cheap thrill .
-Spooky
A piece of broken glass
A nail
They seem to call my name
They wail
No I say never again
No more
Yet is my only way out
The door
My pain comes back to me
It haunts
My comfort on the floor
It taunts
Slowly the bathroom door
I shut
There I release my pain
I cut
The pain flows down the drain
I'm free
I pray to God my friends
Don't see.
Kelsey
If you could see me for who i really am,
would you still know me?
If you knew what i did in my darkest hours,
would you still respect me?
If you knew what actually happened,
would you understand me?
No, you don't understand,
how I can do this.
You don't understand
that it is about feeling better.
It doesn't cause pain;
it releases it from my burning veins.
Kelsey
the beads of crimson
fall like rain
as i cut much deeper
to ease the pain.
the scars on my wrists
dont begin to tell
the story of nights
alone in my cell.
this prison of life
is not my home
i am just a stranger
and im all alone.
i feel like an extra
on the movie screen
just there to use space
just there to be seen.
as this filler person
i have no speaking parts
yet us extras have souls
and us extras have hearts.
and if you ask me
what it is i would say
id tell you nothing
and hope you go away.
because some scars go unnoticed
the ones we want seen
while the ones we inflict
they make us unclean.
so here the beads fall
with the scrape of my blade
but not like the rest
of the marks i have made.
this one is deeper
than i ever dared go
and i know this is one
i will never let show.
by: unimportant
Cutting
Been so long I couldn’t describe
That warm steel against my side ‘til now
Its grip is my grip, its teeth bite as I clench mine
Just a reassurance is all, that I’m alive, and
There’s something in here
A kick or slap to wake you up, the welling
Inside wells outside its droplets of heat,
Its angry screams and
That uneasy silence foreboding and withholding.
It tracks a journey to say I’ve been here
I’ve been here before, look, I can see this mark
It’s with me as my reassurance, my
Imaginary friend made real
The shell that’s supposed to protect me from this hell
Is cracked by my own hand
Then I can sigh with relief
-Ste
The Void
This open void stares through me
A glimmer of darkness striding forth
Into this place
An eternal place
Where thoughts are left to gather dust.
I sit in this silent moment
A sweeping change of impending prophecy
Rides across the sand and spirals
Into a storm of confusion.
This world is a mirror, it is not the
Whole
It is not the truth for my empty
Lonely, breathless soul.
The candle burns its endless tune
In a quiet of light that echoes life And yet, I feel lifeless
Without life
Without light.
I feel like the window looking out
To perpetual landscapes of
Inevitable choices and consequences.
I am a shadow flitting from place
To place, moment to moment
With no real roots to call
Home
I am a raindrop falling
Falling on an endless journey
I am the wall taken for granted that's crumbling inside
-ste
Why am I not "normal"
I wanted to tell you sooner
I knew that you would care
You would tell me that you love me
And lighten the burden that I bear
But you never really expected
Something quite like this
I told you how I loved
A bloody razor kiss.
Now you think that I'm a freak
I see it in your eyes
You wonder why you never saw
Through so many lies
You ask me why and wonder
What this really means
And why I can't be "normal"
Like all the other teens
You try to come and chat
Just like it used to be
But in your eyes I see a wall
Seperating you and me
I wish that I could take it back
I wish I had never told
To have it back the way it was
I would sell my soul.
Kelsey
Still No Soluations
i didn't know how she could do it but now i do,
at the time it's a thing that makes sense, rarely to others but always to you.
different thing shep different people cope,
when they lack in strenth and have no hope.
friends tell you over and over that they're there for you,
when the pain kicks in and it's the only thing you wanna do.
no one understand and they feel at blame,
you know it's not them but it doesn't help to explain.
you don't do it because of others, it's all inside you,
it's all the bad and the anger and hate for yourself
that makes you do what you do.
some people think it's insane and totally mad,
other feel sorry that life can be that bad.
most people thinks your actions totally horrific,
but hte release it gives makes you feel terrific.
it's the only thing to do that'll help,
it's the only thing to show what you felt.
the bad flows out like a rushing river,
but then the thought of what you've done makes you shiver.
you try not to do it, not for you but for them,
the guilt kicks in butt he rewards liek a precious gem.
the reddest of rubbies sparkling bright,
a feeling of relief and such a beautiful sight.
the scars and the cuts are like old school friends,
and there's only one way to maek sure it ends.
So many tears in greif stricken eyes
So much shame behind the lies
So many scares on such young skin
So much pain lies within
All the pain builds inside
All the tears you try to hide
You know it's not the right thing to do
But no one seems to understand you.
One more cut, not that deep
The blood will finally let you sleep
The calm has come after the storm
You are alive, the blood is warm
You know you must hide
And keep the shame you have inside
You wish there was some other way
You wish you knew the words to say
Fall apone deaf ears and unopened eyes
You aren't proud of what you do
You wish the whispers weren't about you.
Nobody seems to understand except the blade you hold in your hand.
You need proof that you are alive not cold and dead like you feel inside.
The hurt is so much and it will not fade,
It is your flesh that has paid
You pay for the pain, the shame, and the lies,
And feel the guilt when people speak your name
You just want someone to understand and tell you it will be okay, and hold your hand.
Not ignore the problem and hope it will pass,
Not say it's a phase or even a fad,
One more scare there's nothing to lose
You don't do it for them you do it for you
Do you still try to hide or make it known?
You live in a glass house do you cast the first stone?
You know some will call you insane and some will call you worse,
before you were your parent's dream now you are their curse.
You don't know how long you can hide behind the lies that you tell,
Being a klutz is hard but it hides the truth so well
How else do you explane the cuts, scrapes, burns, and broken bones?
You fall odwn stair or slip with a knife and sometimes you don't even know.
They don't see what they don't want to see, and you don't feel what you don't want to feel.
The pain may subside but it returns after the last cut heals.
Sometimes you wonder if you will run out of skin before you run out of pain
Or be able to stop it all before you go insane.
You know that you aren't trying to die, your acctually trying to live
Your not trying to take your life, it's life your trying to give.
Your trying to make people see the hurt you feel inside Trying to use your pain to open their eyes
You don't do this for fun or try to fit in Your making external the hell within.
~*~Unknown Author~*~
The stinging,
The bleeding...
Are rushing to my head this feeling I'm needing covers me instead.
Don't think about it this self-inflicted wound..Don't dream about it or you'll become it too.
The metal of this razor sinks deep into my skin.
The loneliness and angry shows through in the scar on my skin.
The pain is now showing..
Everything that went wrong, this hopelessness is growing and now I can't go on.
The thought of not winning ... ending up all alone.
Is the relief from this cutting a sin or just nothing at all?
Desiree' R.
Numb
The sharp eadge of the razor cuts my skin
I am numb to the pain, numb to the blood.
Too numb to realize what's happening to realize what I am doing
One cut follows another
Till I can't stop
The razor falls from my hand
Blood pours down my arm and tears roll down my check
What have I done?
~*~Unknown Author~*~
Cutting
when you look in the mirror
what you see?
i see a sad face
staring stright back at me.
i think of the things
thats happened in my life,
i slowly kneel down
and pull out the knife.
i roll back my sleeve
and feel so insane,
i press down real hard
and cry out in pain.
I don't know why i feel this way,
Feel this way inside
I can't get away
It follows me
follows me around.
Creeping slowly through the dark
I am screaming
Screaming for help
for someone to hold me
hold me close never to let go
Who will help me?
no-one wants to
who will hold me close?
I pushed them away
Now emptiness surrounds me
No-one can hear my screams
Its my own fault
for being me
why should i be alive?
all i do is hurt people
Hurt people and lie
No-one knows what i do
why i want to die
I feel so lonely
and even i don't know why
The shadows of my own hatered surround me
and they will
until i die
By clare
HARMFUL EXISTENCE
Life is only an existence
Death is happiness of the soul
We are nothing but harmful cruel beings
Alcohol,drugs,rape
Part of daily life
Step-dad evil cruel man- Bastard
Child abuse in a box
BANG!
It comes back in the night
Back to haunt us
By Clare
ANGRY RED SLASH
Pain is real feeling alive when you don't know what to do to cure the emotions and heartache.
Deal with the pain by creating an angry red slash,
The pain is unreal but yet nothing compared to the emotional heartache life brings everyday
It becomes a way out of feeling lonely.
Now i trust the angry red slash to see me through.
I know it maybe stupid to cause self-harm but i don't care what happens as long as the emotions are cured,
Don't end up like me depending on an angry red slash to see you through to happiness.
By Clare
Please email me if you would like to have a poem that you have written posted on this website., My email address is at the bottom of this page. If your poem is untitled it will be identified by the first tine. Please include your first name or a nickname. Thank you!