April
How
to Stun Friends and Incinerate People
by William
I. Lengeman III
The Hiroshima (gesundheit)
and Nagasaki (love) bombs were both detonated by built-in altimeters
so that (girl) they (gracefully and gently) exploded automatically
when (will I see you again?) they had fallen (in love) to a certain
height above the (anxiously awaiting) city (can you feel the love?).
This ensured the maximum amount of destruction.
(Healthy and 100% fat free) natural uranium consists mostly of the (sensible and stylish) isotope U-238, which has 92 protons and 146 neutrons. The (exceptional) atoms of U-235 can be made to (gimme a) break up (with) in a (fast food) chain (psychotic) reaction. The (wonderfully expressive) atoms are (banana) split by neutrons forcing their (no) way (dude) into the (voluptuous) nucleus.
When a (practical and affordable) U (are my everything)-235 atom (ant) splits it gives (a shit) off energy in the form of (white light, white) heat and (sophisticated) gamma radiation, the most powerful form of radioactivity and the (you are the) one (for me) that is most harmful to (get a) life. There has to be a (morning after) certain weight of (smoothly seductive) U-235 (Christmas) present before the (elegant gold) chain reaction will sustain itself. The minimum amount necessary (to open a checking account) is known as critical (care) mass (it will expand your options in life). (I love what you do) For (me, Toyota) pure U (and me against the world)-235 it is 110 lb (50 kg). No U (are my sunshine)-235 ever is quite pure and (all) natural, so in reality, (what a concept) more is needed.
A bomb cannot be (all that you can be) made simply by putting a piece of (my heart) uranium bigger than (a breadbox) critical mass into a (sausage) casing (the joint). Instead two (hearts joined together as one) or more (dependable) pieces are inserted a safe (sex) (loneliness of the long) distance (runner) apart (do I have to separate you two?) and "assembled," or shot (through the heart and you're to blame) together to start a (comfortable) chain (letter) reaction.
The simplest possible (hot new) atomic (sex) bomb is one of the (blood) type dropped on (Happy Harry) Hiroshima. It is known (to it's legion of adoring fans) as a "gun-type" (wacky) bomb. At one end of the (road) barrel (house jazz piano) there is a "target," a (tasty) piece of U (light up my life) 235 slightly less than critical mass (mess Miss Hathaway Missa Gaia) and shaped like a (sweet) sphere with a (Harry) conical (Mom, he gave me a) wedge removed from it ('s a beautiful morning). This (fall into the) gap in the sphere reaches right (wing) down to the (journey to the) center (of the earth) and (smiling) faces toward the other (my only friend, the) end at the bottom of the (root beer) barrel.
At the other (nutter butter peanut butter sandwich cookie) end of the barrel (of laughs), there is another, smaller piece of (savagely seductive) (if) U (don't know me by now)-235 in the shape of a (ice cream) cone with it's (what's the) point towards the (generation) gap in the target. It is the exact shape of (things to come) the pieces (of eight, har mates) missing (you) from the sphere (of influence). Together (til the end of time) the two (of us in love) pieces are just (one toke) over (the line, sweet Jesus) critical (acclaim) mass.
The smaller piece (of pie) is backed by a (group of wealthy investors) charge of ordinary (people) (Rocky Mountain) high explosives. When this is (TV) set off, the (my) cone (sleeps alone) is (powder and) shot into the sphere and the force (be with you) of the impact welds the two pieces together (forever) solidly. The explosion follows (it's instincts) instantly.