Snack Food
by Andy Adams

The heavens opened up today, and they poured a storm of salt down onto our heads. We were all at our jobs or at school, and we looked out of frosted windows to see the white downpour covering our well-maintained streets and manicured lawns. We thought: Oh, it's snowing, but when we outstretched our tongues to catch a flake or two, the bitter geometric granules sent shocking taste sensations rippling through our faces, and burned our eyes. We puckered our lips and exclaimed:

"Yuck!"

And that is when the crackly fingers of God reached down through the atmosphere, and he plucked up mass groups of salt peppered people. He slushed them through the ketchup ocean, gathering the pasty tomato blood onto their bodies, and hoisted them screaming into the sky, up to his spider web lair, his dictator's mansion, and he munched on their soft bodies with his skyscraper teeth. Then he paused, and we wondered: Is he going to wash them down with a nice gulp of bubbly black soda, or maybe he will go straight for another bite. I figured that he would probably add more salt, because God is a big salt fan. The taste reminds him of his lover's semen.