Dungaree Justice
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
The Admiral’s words made her breath catch in her throat.
“However I’m reconsidering that recommendation now.”
“I understand Sir.” I was trying not to let the devastation show in my voice.
The Admiral turned back to her, this was killing him to have to do this, but he still had a job to do. “Understand this Major...” he walked right over to her, standing in front of her “One more screw up and you will be out of JAG. Just one more I don’t
care how small it is. Do you understand me?”
“Yes Sir.”
“Good Dismissed.”
“Aye, Aye Sir.” She turned and headed out his office. The last few weeks hit her right in the face as she stepped out of the Admiral’s office. Before she could stop it the tears were surfacing and she knew she had to get out there before someone seen
her.
“Ma’am are you all right?” Tiner asked carefully. He had never seen her like this before. If there was one thing you could count on it was the fact that Major
MacKenize would always be cool and calm in any situation.
“Fine” she whispered before she headed around the corner to the Elevator.
“Tiner is Major MacKenize finished with Admiral?”
“Yes Sir, she was done about 10 minutes ago.”
“Do you know where she went. We have a case we need to get started on.” He really wanted to just make sure she was okay, he had hated walking out of the
Admirals office and leaving her there. It was wired all of the sudden he wanted to protect to her, and he knew she really didn’t need any protecting.
“No Sir I don’t, she looked pretty upset as she went around the corner. She didn’t say much to me Sir.”
“Okay Thank Tiner.” Harm eye brow lifted. She had been completely unreachable by him since the ton of bricks had dropped that she had been married.
Everything else came crashing in shortly after that. He hadn’t really had much time to talk to her on
a personal level. He was forced into Lawyer mode.
He made his way to the elevator, it was a short ride to the bottom and he made his way out side, the sun was out and the day was beginning to warm up. It didn’t take him long to spot her walking back towards the office, her head watching her feet.
It was unlike her to walk with such defeat in each step, he was use to watching her
walking around very sure of herself and of her life.
“Mac.”
At the sound of his voice her head snapped up. “Harm....” she wasn’t sure she could read the expression on his face. But then for the last few weeks it had been hard to read him, she could tell he was disappointed in her.
“Hey I was looking for you.... You okay?”
She stepped up beside him. “Yea I guess. I’m fine.
We should get started on our investigation. We should go out to the hospital and interview Reardon.”
There she was shoving work down his throat to avoid discussing anything personal.
“Yea we should get out there before it gets much later.”
As Harm focused on the road he asked careful “Are you doing okay?” he thought if he took it slow he could get her to come out of her shell a little bit.
“I’m fine.” It was a simple answer to a simple question.
“How did it go with the Admiral?”
She knew she might as well just tell him, he was already disappointed in her, how much worse could it get. “He is taking back a recommendation for a promotion.”
Harm let the words sink in for a second, taking a deep breath he spoke softly. “I’m sorry Mac.” he knew how much her career meant to her.
“It doesn’t matter. It was my fault. I was luck I came out of this whole mess at all....” she let her thoughts fly away.
Harm pulled into the hospital parking lot and was about to say something, but Mac was already out the door.
They had just finished question Reardon and were headed back down to the car,
Harm was a few steps behind Mac. He was watching her very closely. It was almost like she was shutting everyone out, and it was starting with him.
“Mac wait up.” he picked up his step and came to her side. “What is your hurry?”
“We need to get back to the office.” she knew being alone with Harm was just a bad idea. He knew her too well and her desire to want to fall into his arms and talk to him was too overwhelming.
“I think we need to talk.” He pulled the door open for her and she stopped in front of him.
She was ready to scream at him, yell at him, hug him anything. But she didn’t she just stood there and looked at him.
“Mac have dinner with me tonight.” his eyes begged her to let him in. “Please.”
She didn’t say anything for a moment, unsure of how to get out of it, and longing to say yes.
“I’m not hungry.”
Harm’s eye brow lifted. “Not now, but you will be later.” he smiled at her. “Hey I will even make something you like. No “Special Meatless Meatloaf” he smiled again at her and this time she melted.
“Okay.”
“Okay 19:30 at my place.”
19:12 Zulu
Harm’s Apartment
Mac was nerves, she knew Harm wanted to have dinner with her because she had been so out of touch the last few weeks and she just wasn’t sure if she was going to be able to face him all night, answer question she knew he had and she knew she
wanted to share the answer with him, but she was scared.
She tapped on the door a few times and with in seconds it was opened.
She tried to smile but was too tired.
“Hey... come in... your early.”
“I’m sorry... I was just ...”
“No its fine... I’m just getting things finished up. Here let me take that for you.” He took her purse from her and hung it on the coat rack. “Can I get you something to drink?”
“Do you have any tea?”
“Ya let me get you some.”
“Whats for dinner?” she asked as she made her way to the counter. It had been a little while since she had been here.
Harm smiled at her as she sat down at the counter. “Italian Sausage Lasagna”
Mac raised her eyes at him “And what are you going to eat?”
“Arugula Salad”
Mac shook her head “How do you live on that crap.”
Harm laughed. “I could ask you the same thing.” he set the cup in front of her.
“You should be thankful I’m cooking this for you.”
“Yea yea yea... just make it quick... I’m starving.”
Harm knew she wasn’t kidding, he knew her well enough to know that in the last three weeks she had probable not eaten very much.
He seems so calm as I look over at him, I must be crazy to push him away all the time, but there is something about him, something about being close to him that scares me. I’ve never been scared of getting involved with men. But with him, its almost like I know I won’t survive if he was ever not in my life.
“So what do you think of Reardon?” Maybe it would be better to stick to business.
“There is something a little off about him, something had to have happened ... I mean no one beats the crap out a bar owner for no reason.”
“He is a little different....”
He trusted her, she was usually really good at reading people. “Dinner is ready...”
he announced
“It smells wonderful....”
Harm watched her as she ate, they hadn’t talked much since they had sat down at the table to eat. He wanted to say something more to her, but he wanted to give her time, At this point he was happy just sitting across from her.
As they finished up Harm sat back and looked at her.
“Harm this was wonderful. Thank you so much.”
“Your welcome. I was glad to do it.”
She sat back and looked at him. She was feeling a little uncomfortable, it had been awhile since they had one theses friendly dinners.
“How are you doing?”
“Fine.” she tried to smile bright.
“No I mean how are you really doing? You’ve been through alot.”
As she saw the look in his eyes she knew she was close to letting go. So she picked up her plate and headed for the sink.
Harm saw the wall go up and he got up to follow her. “Mac.... would you stop and talk to me.”
“I am talking to you.” she said not looking at him as he stood next to her.
“No your not... Mac this is me... come on... talk to me.”
She sighed, his closeness was killing her. Her eyes found his. “I’m sorry I lied to you.” taking a deep breath she let her eyes fall shut, she fought to keep her emotions under control, gripping the counters she went on. “You’ve been such a good friend to me, I didn’t mean ....”
I see her struggle to hold everything in as she always does, she will be damn it she
lets anyone in. My heart aches for her. “Sarah....”
My heart speeds up as I hear him use my first name. It is so unlike him to throw around my first name.
“I’m still your friend....” he trailed off, offering what she already had.
“I should have told you what was happening... you stood by ... well you’ve always stood by me ...”
This was it, he didn’t understand why she hadn’t trust him, he had always given her a hundred percent of his trust, and went out of his way to be there for her.
“Why didn’t you feel like you could come to me and tell me.”
I knew I couldn’t look at him as I answer him truthful, so I just looked down into his sink. “I didn’t want you to think less of me...” she said simply. She was afraid of him seeing all of her past, she had managed to let him see what she had made of
herself, not were she came from.
“I would never think less of you Mac...” he moved closer to her. He didn’t understand why she would even think it would be that way with him. Then a
thought accrued to him. “Is it because you don’t trust me?”
His question surprised her so much she looked over at him. “No... No...” she wanted to scream at him. It wasn’t that at all.
“No you don’t trust me.” his eyes locked with hers.
“Yes... I mean no... I trust..” she took a deep breath. “I trust you with my life... haven’t we been through enough for you to realize that.”
I heard her answer and I wanted so much for her to open up to me. “Yea I thought we had, I never doubted your trust in me until recently.”
“Please don’t doubt me....” she let her eyes fall shut as he realized that the one thing she was worried about with him had come true. This had become a mistake.
“I don’t doubt you.” he said it so tenderly. “I doubt you trust me ... and I want you to trust me again.”
“Its not about trusting you... its about...” she took a deep breath praying the tears would go away.
He saw her shoulders drop her eyes close, Slowly he pulled her into his arms.
For a brief moment she let her head fall into his chest.
“Mac what is it about ?” he wanted to help her.
She pushed out of his arms and walked away from him a little bit. “You don’t understand.” it was all surfacing. “Don’t you understand?”
| ~Next~ |
Disclaimers: JAG and its characters are the property of Paramount Pictures, Viacom, CBS, Belisarius Productions, and Donald P. Bellisario. This site is not intended to violate any copyrights they have and is not intended for profit in any way, shape or form. It is meant to be a respectful tribute to the show and its characters and actors.
Updated: June 15, 2003 ~ * ~
Webpage Created: Summer of 2003
