New Gun In Town

I can’t believe that she left., for days now all I could think about was getting back for her, being with her, and I know I was a total jackass when she did show up, but I was lost and tired. I didn’t know what to do, I couldn’t just walk out on Renee, however in the ended I walked out on Her, the only women in my life that I care about. Damn it.

~ ~ ~
I can’t handle this, any of this any more. I’m standing here watching the F-14s take off and land. This is a place Harm and I have always shared together. I use to hate the pilot part of him, I hated coming to a carrier and watching him watch the tomcats like they were his life. I hated it because I didn’t understand it, I didn’t understand him.
But all of that has changed, I’ve seen what those F-14s mean to him, its more than just a plane to him, its more than a mission when he goes up in one. It truly who he is, what his life is about, it is as much a part of as the hair on his chest.
I drop my head with a sigh, the last thing I need to start thinking about is where Harmon Rabb Jr. has hair and doesn’t have hair.
I think back to what seem like a few short moments ago, it was really hours and days ago, when I first heard that his tomcat had gone down.
See now that is the only part of his flying that I don’t like and the only reason I don’t like it is because it scares me. I can’t lose him. Something in begins to scream and when it does my heart aches. I can’t ever lose him. I need him.
Yes I hate needing him like I do. I’m a damn Marine. A women Marines does not need a man, especial a Navy man.
It seems I haven’t come all that far in my life, I had determined along time ago not to make decisions in my life that would hurt other people, I would be reasonable with relationships, friendships. I didn’t have that many and the ones I did had I valued, but looking back of the last few months of my life I can’t help but be disappointed in myself. I took the one relationship I valued the most and I threw it away without a second thought.

~ ~ ~
I see the Colonel stand there, the wind slightly blowing and I see what she is watching, but I know in her heart she is wishing for the one person who can put her heart at ease. It kills me to see her like this and I can’t not do anything.

~ ~ ~
The Admiral flipped the light on “Hello.” it was a tone no one like to hear him use.
“Admiral sorry to bother you at such a late hour. I’ve a small problem and I need your help.”
A.J looked up at his clock “Boy at 03:00 your problem better be big, because if it isn’t by the time I’m done with you it will be.”

~ ~ ~
Harm threw the ball at Sturgis and took a deep breath. His frustration was growing by the minute, he was down 12 to 34.
“Man what is going on with you, your not even putting up a fight. Do you need to take a brake.”
“No I’m fine.” he shot out.
“Hey if you need to rest I won’t hold it against you. You just put a F-14 in the middle of the ocean... I think I can understand.”
“It has nothing to do with my accident.” Sturgis took a jump and threw ball sinking it. “Oh so then what is it... that blond your with, what you having problems with women?”
“No its not her.” he took the ball, letting it hit the ground six or seven times before jumping and missing the shot.
“Harm your head isn’t here right now, its not in your work, what is going on buddy?” He held the ball as the two made it towards the water bottles sitting on the ground.
“Its just my life right now.”
“Well you’ve been though alot in the last few weeks.”
“No.... Its not the last few weeks.... its more like the last few years.” Sturgis looked over at his long time friend “Harm whatever it is you’ve got to work through this... I see it in your eyes your not here.”
Before Harm could responded his cell phone was ringing. “Rabb. Yes Sir. No that is not a problem at all. Yes Sir. Thank you Sir.”
Harm snapped his cell phone shut “Well I guess I have to call it a day. Duty calls.” he flashed a smile the other mans way.

~ ~ ~
Harm lightly knocked on the door. He wasn’t sure why the Admiral wanted to see him out side the office but he wasn’t sure it could be good.
“Harm.” the Admiral greeted.
“Sir.” his eye brow raised a little.
“Please come in. I hope you were not busy tonight.” This wasn’t something he did often, but he knew things hadn’t been this out of control.
“No Sir, its fine.”
“Here come in, sit down.” he lead them into the living room. “Can I get you anything?”
“No, I’m fine.”
“Harm this call is a personal. Its not business.”
“Okay.” his nerves were now on edge.
“Its about Mac.”
The moment the words were out he was scared. ‘Sir.. is everything .. is she okay?”
“No, She is not... She is going through alot right now, I think you know that. I tried to speak with her before she left but she wouldn’t. She just wanted to get out of here, I’m assuming she wanted to leave before you got back.”
“Is her work lacking in anyway?”
“No, her case is doing well. But Gunny called me this morning. She is ... she is just struggling.
Harm she could use a friend.” He was in uncharted territory. Here sat a man he cared about as a friend, as a son.
Harm stood and made his way over the to fire place, crossing his arms in front of him, his gazed wondered down towards the flames. He wasn’t sure how to explain any of his relationship to anyone, it was even harder to explain to his C.O.
“I’m not sure I’m the friend she wants right now. Alot of things have happened between us.” The Admiral knew it was a long shot but he was growing desperate. “
Harm couldn’t met the older man’s eyes. “No Sir... I didn’t... I’ve never said enough to her.” at that moment he realized he was talking more to himself than to his C.O. “The night Mic moved out she came to my place, He called there looking for her and she went running to the airport after him.” He turned and meet AJ’s eyes for only a moment “when she called me from the airport upset I asked her to come back to me, when she got there Renee was there, her father had died.”
A.J sank into the chair, knowing that must have been a pretty big blow “Damn, she didn’t take that well did she?”
“No she didn’t.” he regret was all over his face as he sat back down and ran a hand through his hair.
“Son, no man ever wants to be were you were that night.”
“I didn’t know what to do Sir.... I couldn’t just leave Renee.” He looked over at his C.O “Sir before my accident I said something to Mac that I shouldn’t have... she was mad at me for leaving for a Carrier, she was afraid I would miss her wedding. I told her if she needed me there to make it work she was marrying the wrong man.”
A.J leaned forward, resting his hands clasped together on his knees. “I see things have grown more complicated between the two of you.”
Harm couldn’t responded to that, he knew better than anyone how complicated things were.
“I’ve realized this for awhile now, ever since the two of you spend more time together out on my porch at her engagement party than you did in here.” He knew the struggle of this young man was going through, he had to admit he had ran over in his mind many times. the consequence of his two senior officers laying it all on the line to be together. “Harm I’m getting ready to do something that I’ve done before, I getting involved. I’m sending you out to her. I don’t know what you need to do, but I do know you need to do something.”
Harm head snapped up to look at his C.O. “Do you think that you can take care of this personal problem without me getting a call from CAG informing I have two senior officers causing problems on his ship.”
“No Sir I think we both can handle it.”
“Good... You will leave tomorrow morning 06:00. Is your plate clean enough for the departure time.”
“Yes Sir it is.”

~ ~ ~
Here I stand again, its a little colder tonight, but I don’t notice it much. My mind feels foggy.
There are a million things I’m thinking about as I lean down right as a F-14 goes down the run way, it pick up speed and pulled off the Carrier.
I can’t help but laugh a little bit, being around Harm has made me appreationate every time an Tomcat takes off or lands.
“Now I was looking for Colonel Sarah Mackenzie, and for a brief moment I thought I found her, but this can’t be her, she doesn’t like Tomcats.” Harm’s tall presence is right next to me and I can’t breath. I can feel the tears as they begin to push to the surface and I fight them. I search for my voice but can’t find it.
“Have any idea where I might find her.” every part of me wants to pull her into my arms, but at this moment she looks scared.
I take a deep breath looking over at him, my voice is at best shacking. “I don’t hate Tomcats.I’m only scared of them.”
Harm caught the look in her eyes. “Why do they scare you.”
“Because no matter how much you trust them, they have a way of failing you. Just when you think you know them, they turn on you. Leave you in the middle of the ocean with no lifeline.”
Somehow he knew she was talking more about him than the Tomcats. “Here, come here.” he took her hand and began pulling her.
At the first contact of his hand her heart began to beat out of control. “What are you doing?”
I need her to trust me one more time so I stop and looked down into her eyes without letting go of her hand. “Sarah please trust me, just one more time. Trust me.”
The look in his eyes cause every wall I’ve ever put up between us to fall. “I’ve always trusted you.”

~ ~ ~
Moments later we are the deck of the Carrier, someplace to the side where a Tomcat is sitting, there is no one around us and he is leading me towards the back.
It is hovering over me, there hasn’t been that many times that I’ve been this close to one, and its power still amazes me.
I can’t help admire Harm even more for the ability he possesses in getting one of these off the ground, not to mention the things he is capable of doing in the air. The truth is its just damn sexy, no wondering he has the ego he has. “What are we doing? What are you doing.”
“I want you to trust her.” he pointed the Tomcat. She walked with him, running her hand over her.
“Did you ever name your Tomcats” “No.... never.” He laughs remember a simpler time with them.
Right under the wing she turned and faced him. “What are you doing here?”
“You wouldn’t talk to me on the phone. I’ve needed to talk to you. I’ve needed you.”
That is the only thing I’ve needed to hear for years now. I can’t even stop myself. I’m in his arms and his body is pressed close to mine.
“I’m sorry.... I didn’t.. I never meant....”
“Its okay. I understand. I’m not mad.” I whisper into his chest. “I just need you.”
As I hear the words come from her mouth its like life to my heart. “I’m here now... I right here,
I promise I’m not going any place.”
And with those words spoken between us I claim her lips, leaning her back against the Tomcat. Every dream I have ever had just came true.

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Updated: July 22, 2003 ~ * ~ Webpage Created: Summer of 2003