As the flight came to end, my mind screamed that it hadn’t been long enough. I was more nervous about this trip than I had been about anything in my life.
It wasn’t like I didn’t know his mother, for goodness sake I even like his mother.
I just feel Somehow is felt important. Important for Harm and I, which scares me on some leavel. I had learned to handle important professional issues in my life, but when it came to personal issues I always screwed up, and when it has come to Harm, I've screwed twice as bad.
Something deep inside me whispers that I can't afford to screw this up.

As Harm sits next to me reading the latest issue of some F-14 magazine, I sigh realizing he is completely oblivious to what is happening in me. I can't help but smile, the man has no idea what he does to me.
Its with that final thought that I lean back agaist my seat and watch him as we touch down on the ground.

~ ~ ~

Harm came to a stop as he looked behind him “Mac ... what are you doing? Come on.” he turned back, when he came to her side he reached out taking her hand. It wasn’t like her to lag behind him, so he took a moment to look in her eyes.
It was then for the first time that he saw something he had never seen before. “Hey what's the matter?”
“Nothing.” I feel stupid over the whole thing.
“Yea right.... You look ... nervous.” he looks amused. He had never really seen her nerves before.
“No... well no not really... “ I can’t meet his gaze because he knows me to well.
“Mac... you know Mom and Frank. They both love you.” He is laughing now, to him it must seem to simple.
“I know, its just that ... I’ve never done this.” I don’t know if he will ever understand this about me. “Done what? We are standing in the middle of an airport, what haven't you done before?"
I trust this man with everything I am, so I slowly look up and meet his gaze, as I form the words , they somehow seem to catch in my throat. “This family holiday thing.”
I can't help but find it completly adorable that she is nerves, but I know she will drop kick me if I voice that, so I got with that ladder “I’ve already told you that my Mother loves you. You don’t need to be nervous.”
“I know ... I know...” I look down. Part of me knows that I’m being silly, but there is this insecurity with in me that I can’t seem to get over.
I can see she is struggling within herself and even though I don’t understand it I will do my best to help her through it. “Hey look... sometimes my mother can be... well she can be overwhelming. So if she gets this way I promise to rescue you.”
I laugh. “I don’t need you to rescue me from anything.” As we resume walking I don’t drop her hand.
“You might think differently a few days into this.”

~ ~ ~
"Mac I put you in room across from Harm." she looks over her shoulder at me.
Harm is right behind me with most of our bags. "I hope that is okay. I put fresh linen in the bathroom, and if you needed anything just let Harm know." she smiles.
After a long flight we met his parents for dinner. It was nice. Trish was warm and friendly and I met Frank for the first time. He seems like such a great man. I can tell that he cares for Harm like his own.
Now that I'm here, I realize how tired I am. It feel like I’ve been up for days.
"Well if no one minds I think I'm going to just go to bed." "No, Not all Honey." Trish turn to me. "In fact I will take you up and show you around right now." she looked over at Harm. "When you have a minute bring those bags upstairs."
And with that Harm watch his mother lead Mac up the sprial stair case.

"Well Frank if I didn't know better I would think that she like her better than me."
Franks laughter filled the entry way of the house. "That statement might hold a little bit of truth."
"Well I see how it is." Harm pretended to be wounded.

Trish hadn't said much as she led Mac up the stairs, the day was finaly started to come to an end, and she was so happy her son was home and he had finally brought a women home with him. “You make yourself at home here dear.” she smiled at her “I know you have had a long day.”
“Okay. Thank you.” As I look over at her, I'm surprised at how much I love Harm’s mother. She has always been so wonderful to me. I think she is the bravest women I know, I have felt the fear that Tomcats bring. I don't know if I would ever be brave enough to go on without Harm if he lost his life to one.
“I put you in here, Harm is right across the hall in his old room if you need him. We are downstairs off the kitchen.” She stopped in front of door, pushing it open. "The bathroom is to the left there."
When her eyes meet mine again she asks gentle "You will let me know if you need anything wont you?”
“Yes, I will.”
I'm now begin to see what my son sees, though it took her a few minutes to really feel at ease with us, she has now began to let me see who she really is. The women that is apart from the military and the office. She is already so much more to me than just Harm’s friends. “Mac... I just want you to know how glad I am that your here.”
My nervousness returns as she stands with her hands on my shoulders smiling.
“ohh I bet you say that to all the girls Harm brings home.” Its the only thing that comes to my mind and its out before I can stop it.
With a small smile she speaks softly. “Harm’s never brought any other girl home.”
I don’t know what to say to her, I find it hard to believe that I'm the first girl that he has ever brought home.
“Never?” I ask as my throat gets tight.
“He had been planing on bring Diane home, but he never got the chance.”
“Jordon?”
“Nope, I spoke with her a few times and I always got the feeling she wanted more of a relationship than Harm was willing to give her. And well Renee.....”
Mac had to smile as the slight dislike for the women whoms name was just spoke passed across her face. “Well I would never have met her had Harm not crashed the F-14 and I hadn’t gone down there.”
I begin to laugh slightly, In this moment I can’t even stand to think about Harm’s accident. I would even at this moment rather speak about Renee. “Ohh Renee wasn’t that bad,” even as I speak the words I know it's a lie. I couldn’t stand her.
“Well she was a little to snooty for my Harm.”
A smile plays on my lips, In my mind I can see Harm blushing now from the possessiveness his mother is displaying at the moment.
I feel excepted in this place. “Thank you for making me feel so welcome.”
“You're welcome.”
For the first time today I let my body relax as I close the door. I’m glad I’m here. It's been wonderful being a part of Harm’s life that I’m not use to. But now there are questions floating around in my mind.

I can’t believe I’m the first women Harm has ever brought home. Some how I feel pressured by this thought.

~ ~ ~
There is a soft knock on the door and I smile. I know its him before I even open it.

When she appears in front of me, her hair wet from her shower, and her sholders a little bit more relaxed than I have been I smile at her
“Hey.” She is so beautiful to me at this moment , but I fear she would kick my six if I spoke that to her.
“Hey Sailor, are you lost?” I laugh leaning up agaist the door frame.
“No...” I shake my head. “I just wanted to give you the rest of your bags and make sure you got settled in.”
“Oh Thank you. And I am settled. Your mom has been wonderful.”
“Yea, she is pretty great. Most of the time.”
"What have you been up to all this time?"
"I had a cigar with Frank?"
"How was it?"
“Fine.... Its nice to be home.”
“Is it?” I ask watching his eyes. “Hey... Do you want to come in for a second?” I gesture towards the bedroom.
I want to, but I know I shouldn’t. “Nahh Its late... I was just on my way to bed. I wanted to say good night.”
“Well then good night.”
I cross my arms in front of my chest, backing up slightly. “Good night Mac..” I watch him as he slowly turns around and retreats to his room. I’ve watched him do that before, and every time he does it the same way.
I shake my head as I walk back into my own room shutting the door.

For the first time in many years I’m asleep almost as soon as my head hits the pillow and its a great feeling.