2 Day before Christmas

It had been a wonderful four days, He had been spending time with his mom and Frank, and he had done it with Mac by his side.
It felt wonderful waking up every morning know she was some where in the same house with him, and that his day was going to be blessed with her in it for something more personal than work.
“Hey Frank.” Harm greeted the man standing in the kitchen as he plunged his hand into the cookie jar retrieving what he was looking for.
“Hey Buddy... I thought you left this morning.”
“I just got back. Where is everyone?”
“They are shopping.” he smiled over at him.
“Oh God your kidding right?”
“Afraid not.” They shared a knowing look. His mother could out shop anyone.
“Hey Harm its been nice having you around, its been good for your Mother.”
Harm knew how much his mother missed him “I know.”
“This has been a surprise... you bringing a girl home.”
Harm laughed self-consciously. “I’m not sixteen years old Frank. Mac is hardly a girl.”
“I noticed that.. You’ve got your mother on cloud nine. She had all but given up on you ever settling down.”
Harm shook his head, letting his eyes fall to the counter “It's different with her.”
“I noticed that too.”
When Harm looked up to met his eyes they revealed an understanding.
“Hold on to her. She is good for you.”
“I'm beginning to understand that.”
“You're a good kid Harm. Your mother and I are so proud of you. You’ve done well with your life.”
Before Harm could respond, Trish and Mac walked into the kitchen laughing.

“Hey.” Mac smiled at Harm as she dropped her bags down to the floor.
“Looks like you have been busy. Did you have a good morning?”
“We had a wonderful morning.” Trish laughed as she lightly kissed Frank.
Frank could only smile. Its seemed like life was complete right now and he liked the feeling. “Listen
Trish I need to go into the office for about 20 minutes and take care of some paper work. Why don’t you come with me. We can grab a late lunch afterwards.”
“Ohh well...” she looked over at Harm and Mac not wanting to leave them hanging.
“Mom, we are fine. go... have fun.” he loved to see his Mom and Frank still spend such speacial, meaningless moments together. He knew they loved each other very much.
“Well only if you are sure.” she smiled up at Frank.

~ ~ ~

Harm and Mac were sitting out side on the porch swing. It was raining lightly and she was wrapped up in sweater.
“Did you have a nice time with my mother this morning.”
“I had a wonderful time. Its nice to spend some time with a women out side of work.”
“Oh so now I’m not good enough to spend time with.”
Mac shook her head, not taking the bate “Oh no you don’t. I’m to relaxed to let you get to me.” she laughed.
“Good I’m glad to hear it.” Mac looked over at him, each moment that past she began to wonder how she would ever go back to real life. It was then she noticed the look he was giving her.
“What .. what is that look about?”
“Nothing ...” he laughed.
“It seems like something.”
“It's just nice to see you here with my family.”
“It's nice to be here.” It was an honest answer.
“So you're not nervous anymore?” She looked at him for long time.
“It wasn’t about your Mother.... it was just .... nothing.” She stopped, it was about her past and she tired not to talk about that part of her life.
Harm understood it was hard for her, letting people know about her childhood.
“Tell me about it.”
“About what?”
I want to touch her, hold her, something anything that is closer than what we are, so I lightly pick up her legs and strench them acroos my lap. “About growing. Why is Christmas such a sad time for you.”
I’m surprised by his words, more than I am by his movements. “Its not really sad.” I can’t seem to meet his eyes.
“I saw you back at JAG in your office. You were sad.”

I have to pause for a moment as I search for the turth within myself, and the courage to share it with him.
“I guess it is a little bit sad... It was just growing up we didn’t ...” there is a small hesitation in my voice as I try to find the right words, words that are less embarrassing.
I can tell she searching for the right words. “Mac nothing you could never say to me would make me think less of you.”
Its now that I realize he already knows who I am, so it is this that gives me the courage to go on.
“We never had that much. Holidays were hard. Christmas more so ... the stess of money... it just made my parents fight more, and then my dad would drink more, and then he would hits us more.”
His eyes are watching me now.
I take a deep breath and keep going. “And then after my Mom left, Christmas became even more sad and even more hurtful.”

I want to say something to her, something to take away all that she gone through, but I can’t seem to think of anything at this moment that is worth saying.
She was lost in the past as she went on. “The Christmas before Eddie died...” she stopped and looked over at Harm. This wasn’t something she ever talked about it, but when their eyes met she knew she wanted to share this with him. “He knew how sad Christmas was for me... so he gave me this ID braclet. It had my name on it. It was small, but it meant the whole world to me.
It was the first gift I ever got that was meanful. I never took it off.”
“What happened to it?” his words were soft. “Do you still have it?”
“No.. no.. when.. Well after the accident when I was in the hospital they took it off of me. Then when my uncle came and got me and took me up to the mountians, one night I just got so angry .. angry at Eddie for dying and leaving me so alone, that I just threw the stupid thing off into the sunset.” I have to laugh a little bit. “I was angry back then.”

I look over at her, its not offten that she talks about her past, I understand that its hard for her, however there is a part of me that realizes how important it is to me to know who she and the things she has gone through in her life.
“I can’t imagine you as an angry person.”
“I was, I was lucky I worked through alot of it.. Joining the militray helped to. I needed something positive to focus on.”
I don’t know where the next questoin cam from, its not something I have evenever thought about, but before I can stop myself I’ve already asked t.. “Where you ever together with him.”
I look over at Harm and wonder why he never asked this question before. I would guess because I never discussed any part of my past with him. Yet after all that has happened with us I feel like I can, and something with in me wants to.
“Yes.” I look over at him. He is looking down at his hands “He was my first.”
With that said I look up at her. Some how I feel relief wash over me. “At least he loved you.” I would hate to think that some drunk baster took advantage of her.
When our eyes meet I try to smile “Neither one us knew what love was.”
“You both loved each other as much as you could.”
With that said I feel like I can go on “It was just once. I don’t know why. Neither one of us were even drinking that night. It just seemed right..” Its this last statement that is hard to say “Next to you, he was the only other person who ever really knew me.” I push the tears away “And I did love him. He really did try to take care of me.”
In the short time we have been sitting here talking we have grow closer than we have in the past 7 years we’ve know each other. Its amazing to me to see how far we have come in a 30 minute period.
Mac has always kept so many things about her self at bay, never letting me get to close. I’m starting to understand why.
I’m just starting to understand what an important and percious gift her life is and how blessed I am to have her in my life. I know above everything else in my life I will hold on to her.
“So if you don’t like Christmas do you have a favorite holiday.”
“Of course.... Thanksgiving.” I laugh. “You don’t have to give anyone anything and you get to eat as much as you want.”
The laughter comes from deep within his throat. “I should have know.” he pats my legs “Hey what do you say to a cup of hot chocolate before bed?”
“I would have to say yes.” I know he is not trying to run from me, but instead he is letting me get closer to him.
When he stands up he reaches for my hand and for the first time in a long time I give it to him whole heartly.