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Weakness

'Oh how could she tell him what had happened that would mean risking everything in her life.’
She took a deep breath struggling with her emotions. She hated being this emotional, and over a guy no less. The alcohol from last night was still running it course and it made her feel like the room was slightly uneven. Harm watch her closely he could see her struggling with herself and he pressed his lips together.
To go to her would mean let down that wall he had put up between them and without that wall he was a very weak man. He took a deep breath, it was braking his heart to see her agonizing so much.
“Mac you can talk to me. I will be here for you.”
‘No you will be over there for me, behind whatever is between us’ She took a moment wipe her eyes and she let her head fall back against the couch. “You slept out here?”
Harm’s shoulder dropped ‘Damn why wouldn’t she just tell him what happened.’ He took a few steps towards her. ‘It would be okay to be a little closer to her’ he hated being so guarded around her, but what else could he do.
He slowly sat on the coffee table in front of her. “Sarah.....” it was only a whisper, but it brought her eyes to his.
She was amazed at how her name sounded coming from his lips. “You never call me that...” she sat up so she was only inches away from him.
It was true, he never did call her by her first name, to him her first name was too personal. “What happened last night? You had me worried.”
“It was so many things... I can’t..” she was cut off when there was a knock on the door.
Harm sighed as his head feel to the side. “Hold that thought Marine.” he pointed down at her.
He pulled open the door and before he could even make out who it was Mic pushed his way.
“Sarah...” he called before he seen her sitting on the couch.
Harm slammed the door and turned to see Mac stand up “I told you not to come here.”
Mic looked around and see her standing there.
“Sarah....” he started to walk towards her.
“Mic don’t....” she put her hand up. “I can’t do this with you right now.”
Harm waited for a moment to give her some time to make her own decision.
“How could you Sarah? Don’t you see what he is doing to you.” he looked back at Harm for a brief moment.
Harm folded his arms in front him. “Brumby....” it was a low warning.
“Would you look what he is doing to you Sarah?” Mac eyes darted to Harm’s
“Mic don’t... its my business.”
“No that is where you are wrong. It is my business too. Your going to be my wife....”
Mac inhaled sharply at the very sound of that.
Harm watched her and for the first time she looked scared, and he realized that maybe she didn’t want to marry him.
Mic was more angry she was here than at what happened, he knew in his heart that she would always end up here. Either it would be now, or six months, a year, two years into their marriage. But he knew it was only a matter of time. But he wasn't about to let Harm win that easy. It has been a long road and he finally got her in his bed, in his arms, in his life. And he would settle for what he had and let her hold on to Harm, but he would not let her push him away when he was so close. “Sarah how could be so stupid last night?” he was pleading with her now. Harm eyes shoot wide open. “Hey that is enough Brumby.”
He turned toward the other man “You need shut Harm. I’ve had enough of you interfering in my life.”
Here was, he knew this was going to happen, he was just hoping it would happen away from Mac.
“Brumby you need to go. When Mac is ready to talk to you, she will.”
“What you think I will leave her here so you can take advantage of her?”
“No Brumby taking advantage of her is your department.”
With nothing else said Brumby flew across the room, his fist coming in straight contact with Harm’s jaw knocking him on his back.
“Mic Nooooo....” she screamed as she tried to make her way around the table to his side.
Harm was already on his feet when came between them. “Stop... Harm.... no.” her stomach turned. “please....” she whispered.
Mic gripped her arms “Sarah ... don’t do this.” She tried pulling away from him.
Harm’s angry boiled to the surface as he watch him touch her “Let her go and leave her alone.”
Mic looked into her eyes and saw them plead with him to let her be with Harm he knew he couldn’t keep fighting her. He gentle pushed her out of his arms and she fell into Harms chest.
Mac let her eyes fall shut as she heard the door slam. She turned in his arms as he slowly reached up and touched his jaw. “Are you okay? I’m so sorry.” Harm moved his jaw back and forth “You didn’t hit me.” he tried to smile a little “Mac.... tell me.”
Mac knew she had to talk to him, every part of heart wanted to talk to him. In fact that was she had wanted to do for months now. So why was it so hard. She rested her head on his chest. “Harm I can’t marry him.”
His shoulders dropped and his arms went tightly around her. He felt like 50 pounds had just been lifted from his shoulders. ‘she doesn’t want to marry him, she won’t marry him, it will be fine.’ he felt a twinge of pain at the selfishness of his thoughts, but he pushed it away and rocked her back and forth. “Mac its okay ... you don’t have to marry him.”
It only took her a moment to let it sink in. Here he was walking the fence again. “Damn you Harmon Rabb.” she pushed her way out of his arms. Only to have dizziness hit her and she turned to grab hold of something. to steady her balance.
He didn’t know what was wrong, it seemed so simple to him. “Mac I’m just saying if you don’t want to marry him you don’t have to.”
When she turned back to him she could see in his eyes that he really didn’t know what to say and he was trying is hardest to be the strong one.
She sighed as the tears began falling again and she made it back to the couch.
He followed her toward the couch and dropped right next to her. It was deeper than her not wanting to marry him. ‘oh god what if she really does want to marry that son of a bitch?’
‘oh god she could do this, it was her life spinning all around her.’ she rested her head in her hands and began to cry. She had never felt so lost in all her life.
“Okay ... Sarah ... Okay... come here” he pulled her into his arms and her head rested on his chest.
“Everything is fine.” he didn’t know what the hell was going on, he had never seen her like this so he didn’t know how to react, he hand no choose but to follow his heart.
He began to feel that wall crumbling all around him and his heart quickened he wanted to reach out and starting building it back up but his arms went let her go. “Here.” he pulled her back with him.
She felt herself falling, and soon her whole body came in contact with his. She stretched out until she was laying in the safety of his arm, her head resting on his chest. Her tears began to subside and her body began to relax if only for a moment she would enjoy this.
She let her body relax next his as she snuggled in next to him
Harm wrapped his arms and the blanket around her. He cuddled her close, sighing contentedly.
He was so unsure of what was going, he was tired from the lack of sleep and his head was pounding for the long hours of worry this morning, his body was sore from the tension he was holding on to as he tried to keep the wall standing. Though he realized he had let if fall, there was nothing left of it and it scared.
He felt Mac take a deep breath and he tightened his arms around her. ‘god what am I doing?’ he tried not to think about it as he let his eyes drift shut.

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