It was moments he didn’t want to share with anyone but Mac. “Look something has happened .... and ...”
“Something always happens with you two.” the tears sprang to her eyes and Harm stood up walked up to her. Oh he hated to see women cry.
“Renee don’t over react.”
“I’m done fighting with her. Its like a damn tug-of-war.” she turned and with headed out the door.
Harm followed her out the door. “Renee...”
“Why don’t you just go to her. Tell her. Why do you run away from it.”
“Its not like that with her.” he pulled the door shut so she wouldn’t be able to hear them.
“It is like that with her. I would give everything I had in this world if just once you would look at me once the way you look at her.”
“Renee stop it.” he shifted in front of her.
“You ass....” she was more angry with herself for not walking away along time ago.
Well he knew what time it was, this was were they called it quits. His heart stopped for a moment, it wasn’t that he didn’t know how to do this, it was only that he did this too much. “Renee.” it was genuine, there was a part of him that did care for her. He had never meant to lead her on, he thought in time he would be able to give her what she need from him.
“Harm you’ve said my name 5 times, but that is all you’ve said.”
“Well.....”
“You need to let go... why can’t you.” for a moment she just wanted to understand.
“I ... I ... can’t...”
“Is that why you can’t go to her? Because you have to be in control of every moment” She was more over him then she thought she was because she didn’t know why she was asking him this. He couldn’t answer her. So he only stood there for a moment. “In my world you can’t just let it all go.”
“That is what love is. Let go of everything, losing control. You can’t even lose control with me and you don’t even love. You have too many ghost hanging around. They make you hold on to things....”
He sighed and looked down. “I’m sorry ...”
“Its always her. Even when your looking into my eyes .... its her your seeing.”
“What is it you want me to say to you?” he was lost. He hadn’t understood what went on with him and Mac from the moment they had met, there was no way he could explain it to someone else.
“Nothing... Don’t bother.” she turned and walked away. It was only when she was outside that she let the tears fall.
He shook his head. “Damn....”

~ ~ ~
Mac was in the kitchen making coffee. “Harm...”
He turned and locked the door.
“I’m so sorry... did she understand?”
“Ya she understood everything perfectly. She just didn’t understand it the way I understand it.” Mac stopped at the sink. Oh god “You two....”
“Are over.”
Mac walked over to him “I’m sorry Harm. I will talk to her if you want.”
“No .. no its been headed this way for a long time.”
She took a deep breath and didn’t say anything for a moment, and then it hit her. “You wouldn’t commit would you?”
He had to laugh. She knew him to well “Are you going to bust my six right now.”
She knew it was wrong to be so happy over the news but she couldn’t help it.
“Nooo.... You okay.”
“Its was not like that with her.” he didn’t want to tell her what Renee said, he was still trying to figure out what it all meant.
Mac only stood next to him. She didn’t know what else to say.
“How are you feeling...” he asked wanting to change the subject.
“Hungry.”
“Your always hungry...” he laughed. “Why don’t you take a shower and I will make you some thing. I got your over night bag from your car last night and its by the door.”
She looked over at him, the smile fading from her face. Last night still had to dealt with and she wasn’t sure what had changed in the last twelve hours but it felt like alot. Before she anything else could be said she headed towards bathroom, all but forgetting about her bag.

The hot water hit her shoulders as the tears began to fall. She couldn’t go on like this, she was a strong marine, she could do this. Why was this so hard, why was she bursting into tears into over everything.
Harm stood there around corner. He could hear her crying every fiber in him wanted to walk into the bathroom and pull her into his arms and make whatever it was go away.
“Mac...” he whispered.
“Ya.”
“You forgot your bag.”
“Oh”
He sat the bag right inside the door. “You okay?” he closed his eyes tight. Was that the right thing to say.
“Yea.”
“Okay.” he stood there for a moment, waiting, willing her to call to him. Ask him for help.
But she wouldn’t. Not from him, she never did.
She let the water hit her face as she prayed that he hadn’t heard her.

~ ~ ~
Harm put the finishing touches on the eggs and sat a plate on the counter as she appeared in front of him. “Hey...” it was a low whisper “you okay.” he had been standing for there for twenty minutes thinking about what he could do, how he could help. He felt like he was a kid again, not know how to handle women.
He reached in the refrigerater pulling out some O.J for her.

“Fine.... It smells .... good.” she was hungry, but she was also hung over. She sat down and started poking around her plate. “Where did you get it Mac?” She looked up “What ?” “Mic said there was a half of bottle of Vodka left on the counter and if I’m not mistake that is your choose of drink.” She swallowed hard. “It was on top of the rig....” “Why” he asked as his head shot up. “Why in the hell was it in your apartment.” She looked up at him. “What do you mean?” “I mean why? Why did you have that crap around you?” “It wasn’t mine. It was Mic’s.” “What the hell....” He threw a hand towel on the counter. How could Mic bring that into her home? Knowing how hard it was for her, how disrespectful could he be. “Why would he do that to you?” “He didn’t make me drink it....” she said slowly. She knew that look, he was getting angry. “He brought it to your home Mac.” his blue eyes stormed over. “Harm you have alcohol here. What s the big deal.” “The big deal Mac is your not my girlfriend.” “And if I was?” she challenged. “And if you were I would pour it all down the sink.” She looked at him. She knew it was the truth, he sometimes had a hard time just drinking in front of her when they were out some place. “Why... its my problem.” “If you and....” it was even hard to say it out loud “If we were together I wouldn’t allow it in my life, or my house. It’s called being supportive. Why did he have it there.” “Because he would drink it.” “In front of you.” Harm was shocked. “Harm ...” “Mac ... how could he do that to you. He knows that you have a problem with that...” he leaned up against the sink and folded his arms again. “He should have been thinking about you, and how difficult that is for you.” She knew this only gave him one more reason to not like Mic, and she didn’t need to hear it. “I should have been stronger last night.” she pushed her hair behind her ear. She was feeling awful about last night. “What made you do it. You said last night it was because of me.” he tried to meet her eyes, but the darted over the walls in his apartment. He was unsure of what he could have done. Mac took a deep breath as she took a small bit of her eggs. “How bad was I last night? I don’t remember much.” Harm threw his head to one side “Well you weren’t mean.” he smiled a little as he set a cup of OJ in front of her. His mind was wondering back to the kiss. “Well that is a plus....” she mumbled. “Where is my car?” “At the office.” “Oh....” Which brought up another question “How could you drink and drive? You could have killed yourself, or someone else.” his angry was boiling right at the surface. He was getting frustrated, he wanted to know what the hell was going on with her. “I wasn’t thinking.... okay....” “Ya I can see that.” he slowly walked around the counter and stood next to her. For the life of her she couldn’t meet his eyes. This was it, this was the moment. ~Back~ ~Fanfic Home~ ~Next~