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4:00 am,
Just home from work
And the sitter has gone.
I washed off my make-up
Unwinding from a long night.
The house is silent
Except for the hiss of the radiator.
The Christmas tree keeps a silent vigil
Lights blinking on and off
Like eyes opening and closing.
Now and then
The toilet makes a post-nasal dripping kind of sound
And if I move just so,
The springs in my chair protest with
A dry creaky groan
As I remove my shoes from swollen feet.
I go in to check on my children,
And find them nestled in their favorite
Sleep positions
Breathing their sweet, soft
Little child breaths.
Achingly cognizant of their beauty,
I speculate what dreams are playing in their heads.
Moved by an intense surge of love,
I kiss and gently touch each of their faces, careful not to wake them.
Feeling them so warm and snug, I fight the urge to gather them up
And take them to my bed.
God….
I know there'll be broken legs or stitches or tonsillectomies
And the like,
But please God
Don't take any of them from me,
And if You please
Don't let anyone hurt any of them so much that they can't forget it.
As I pray,
I am aware that
They are all I have
In this life.
I realize suddenly
That I am
Fabulously
Wealthy.
They will never know
About this night
And when their 25 year old Mother
Stood next to their bed
Weeping and smiling
Heart full and heart breaking
All at the same time.
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