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Lyrical,
Music beloved but long forgotten
You materialize before me.
Like a fable worn by time
The outcome known too well
Much prior to the reading of it,
I rejoice in you
Fearfully,
Heart melodious and miserable
All at once.
What trick is this My Life plays ?!
How shall I know the combat of it
Not even Sun-Tse could master this strategy.
Sleep abandons me
Much as I am certain you will
Too,
Restless and weary
I can neither slumber nor love freely.
The soul ponders
The Gift which finally arrives
After a lifetime of supplicating God for it,
No confidence that fruit yielded
Will be as sweet as the prayer for it was and cause the lips to smack
The heart to leap
The loins to dance
Without caution
Without measuring each taste or each joyous step
Without
Miserly thoughts of it
Being the last.
I have no facility here
In this strange and frightening land.
I cannot find my path,
I, so sure I knew the way,
I,
Who writes so of love,
Of giving, of being in it wholly and utterly,.
I
Who sings of giving all for Love
Now stingily withhold my tithe.
I cannot fathom
What malady shapes me thus,
Fills my limbs with shivering ague
Visage much too similar to Fears' ?
I spend my passion thriftily
Uncertain the larder is filled and thereby
Unaffected by my withdrawal.
I think, ponder the thing over and over,
Turning it in my heart like a river stone.
I come to you naked and defenseless
Dependent upon your mercy and
Your knowing I am too fragile
To hold all this passion in one place
Despite my March-like blustering.
When we are together
It is as though we too quickly burn up all
The oxygen in the air around us
And suffocation looms,
A genuine possibility.
Your eyes shining are the liquid moon over the water
Holding me fixed and captive.
I love your eyes the same way I love the ocean,
Helpless in their compelling tides.
You speak
And the velvet of your voice makes me nuzzle
Cat-like
Needing to curl up, purring my own suite,
Back arching naturally,
Reflexively
At your too-knowing touch.
I want to flee my Life
The sum of it
So that I may have you
In me
Like poetry
Like Chopin or Debussy
Like crème brulee.
But were it not for my Life
And its' circuitous travails
I could not be the woman who has
Drawn you,
An implacable Ace
In some top heavy game of chance.
Fervently
I beseech you:
When I run away,
Frightened like a child after nightmares,
Certain there are monsters waiting under the bed
Hold me to you, Hold me close and fast
Say my name
Say I'm your baby,
Tell me I am yours,
Tell me I cannot escape this,
The final wish granted of my all my prayers,
Tell me I deserve you.
Cover my mouth with those kisses
You talk to me through,
Your language comprehensible to only me.
Make me drunk with your loving
Make me weep with intensest joy
Pulling my hair just so
Not too firm, not too soft
The same way you wrap around me
As if someone had told you
What I need.
Tell me again and again
Til I believe it
That I belong to you.
Vanquish the demons
Send them back to the dark and silent expectant Hell they torment me from.
Cleanse my soul,
Launder stains from my heart with your untainted tenderness.
Release me not,
I pray you
Despite my claims,
My oaths.
Without you
I should go quite blind
And lame,
Unable to endure
That ultimate privation;
I would lose all my songs
All my poems
All my brushstrokes.
No art left in me
Not even the art of Scarlett O'Hara saying
"I'll think about that tomorrow".
This year was the first time I ever ate
Crème brulee,
Having read about it since childhood.
I was not prepared for the creamy burst of silky-sweet smoothness
Slipping over my tongue, forcing my eyes closed, eliciting involuntary murmurs
Humming in my hungry throat.
Perhaps I could
Get used to it.
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