I went to the movies the other day with my friends Clem (male), Mary (female), and Mandy (female). Mary's a wonderful girl. Mandy is one of her friends. I don't spend much time around Clem. I used to date Clem, and he's a complete twit. I broke up with Clem partly because I wanted to go out with Mary, but she's straight. Clem wasn't very happy with me. I wasn't very happy with him either, so we agreed on that at least. I was amused to hear that Clem was dating Mandy. Among other things, she looks exactly like I looked when I was dating Clem, right down to the huge glasses and choice of books.
Several days before, Mandy and Clem had been hanging around near Clem's mother, who asked Clem if he was dating Mandy. Clem and Mandy are the cutest couple I've ever seen. They're about the same height, with the same color dark brown hair. Clem is thin but buff, with ears that stick way out. He usually wears jeans, t-shirts, and a flannel. Mandy usually wears the same, and she's huggably round and very pretty. Mandy and Mary tell me that Clem has been on his knees declaring his love to Mandy, sending roses, teddy bears, the usual.
When Clem's mother asked Clem whether or not Clem was dating Mandy, Clem denied it, saying they were friends, what was his mother's problem that she saw romance circling like a vulture around every girl who spent more than five seconds in his company. Mandy had thought that they were in fact dating. She asked Clem what the deal was.
Clem told her that if he told his mother he was dating someone, she would tease the hell out of him. Perhaps it's a little old-fashioned of Mandy to expect Clem to stand up like a man to whatever teasing his mother would dish out, but that's what she hoped. It wasn't like his mother would get him excommunicated or anything, just make snide sexually-charged comments every five minutes.
Mandy bitched to Mary, and Mary came to me. I have an unfair reputation as a scheming wench who will do anything for a good laugh or revenge on a select group of people who I happen to have grudges against. Clem happens to be in this group often; that's not my fault. It's his fault that he keeps doing things that reinforce his reputation as a stupid asshole.
So that was why I found myself watching The Phantom Menace (again) with Clem, Mary, and Mandy. Nothing much of note happened during the movie, unless you count Clem poking Mandy in the ribs to point out something. "Hey, Mandy!" he hissed.
"Yes, Ewen?" Mandy replied dreamily, eyes fastened to the screen.
"Nothing, *Natalie*," Clem grumped, and looked pissed for the rest of the movie.
As we filtered out of the theatre, Mandy and I noticed we'd had a bit too much soda, and departed for the ladies' room. Mary and Clem stood in the lobby and got bored while Mandy and I spent way too long inside; Mary was in on the scheme and had specific instructions to keep Clem there and absolutely miserably bored until Mandy and I emerged.
Far too long later, Mandy and I emerged. She clung to my arm and smiled up at me with this puppy-love look of adoration in those huge dark brown eyes. I pulled her close and smiled down at her with a slightly more mature version of her grin. We were in full view of Clem and Mary.
The gum fell out of Clem's mouth, he turned pale green, and he ran for the mens' room. Mandy, Mary, and I laughed so hard we all had to run into the ladies' room so we wouldn't wet our pants.
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