Lyrics of
Freakin at the Freaker's Ball

Important Copyright information:
All songs by Shel Silverstein © 1972 Evil Eye Music
Except Masochistic Baby which was written with Mike Settle
Copyright ©1963, Hollis Music, Inc. 
Current release by Sony Music Special Products
Collectors Choice Music  © 1999.
Any owned media on this site is for informational and entertainment purposes only.

The clips your are hearing on the medley are from:
Freakin' at the Freaker's Ball
Thumbsucker
Polly in a Porny
All About You
Liberated Lady
Don't Give a Dose to the One You Love Most
and
Stacy Brown

Lyrics 

1.Thumbsucker
2.I Got Stoned and I Missed It
3.Sahra Cynthia Sylvia Stout 
4.Stacy Brown Got Two
5.Polly In A Porny 
6.Freakin' at the Freakers Ball
7.All About You
8.Don't Give A Dose To the One You Love Most 
9.The Peace Proposal 
10.Masochistic Baby 
11.Liberated Lady
12.The Man Who Got No Sign 

THUMBSUCKER

(The first part of this song on the album does not list these lyrics, 
so, as far as I can tell this is what he is singing:
Yeah...
Yeah, Now this song is a warnin', 
yes folks a warnin' against the danger, the perils are very (___)
A Social fiber, moral terpitude, (hehe) National security.
 And friends, the danger is not the long-hairs
and it is not the war-mongers,
or the squares or the drug-users or the Fuzz.
Friends, the danger, the real danger is
Thumbsuckers!
Yes, you heard me right, friends.
I said Thumb Suckers!
And every time you make a peace sign with your fingers,
And every time you push a doorbell,
And every time you're on a highway and stick out your thumb,
There is always, lurking in the shadows
some dirty, sneaky Thumb Sucker
who will leap out upon you,
grab your wrist and start to suck your thumb,
drainin' all your natural thumb juices 
and leavin' you a hopeless, hapless, shakin', quiverin', crawlin', slabberin', thumb suckin' addict for the rest of your unnatural life.
That's why I ain't gonna let no
thumbsucker suck my thumb.
It'll drive you crazy and leave you deaf and dumb.
It'll make you crawl and climb the wall
Leave you without no thumb at all.
I ain't gonna let no thumbsucker suck my thumb!)

I met her on a corner in Duluth
(That's the truth.)
She was tryin' to fix her shoe in a telephone booth
(Her name was Ruth.)
She said she was just waiting for a bus
But I hid my thumb cause I
knew just what she was,
And I ain't gonna let no
thumbsucker suck my thumb.
It'll drive you crazy and leave you deaf and dumb.
It'll make you crawl and climb the wall
Leave you without no thumb at all.
So I ain't gonna let no thumbsucker suck my thumb.
I'll tell you what them thumbsuckers like to do.
They suck your thumb till it's wrinkled like a prune
They'll say you've got the sweetest thumb of all
But then they suck the thumb of the guy livin' down the hall
That's why I ain't gonna let no thumbsucker suck my thumb
(etc. . . etc. . . until finally giving in.)

I GOT STONED & MISSED IT

I was sitting in my basement.
I just rolled myself a taste
Of something green and gold and glorious
To get me through the day.
Then my friend yelled through the transom
"Grab your coat and get your hat son,
There's a nut down on the corner,
Givin' dollar bills away"
But I laid around a bit
Then I had another hit.
Then I rolled myself a bauma.
Then I thought about my mama.
Then I fooled around, played around
jacked around a while and then
I got stoned and I missed it.
I got stoned and I missed it.
I got stoned and it rolled right by.
I got stoned and I missed it.
I got stoned and I missed it.
I got stoned... oh me... oh my.
It took seven months of urgin'
Just to get that local virgin
With the sweet face
Up to my place
To fool around a bit.
Next day she woke up rosy,
And she snuggled up so cozy.
When she asked me how I liked it,
Lord it hurts me to admit,
I got stoned and I missed it.
I got stoned and I missed it.
I got stoned and it rolled right by.
I got stoned and I missed it.
I got stoned and I missed it.
I got stoned... oh me... oh my.
I'm makin' no excuses
For the many things I uses
Just to sweeten up my relationships
And brighten up my day.
When my earthly race is over
And I'm ready for the clover
And they ask me how my life has been
I guess I'll have to say,
I got stoned and I missed it.
I got stoned and I missed it.
I got stoned and it rolled right by.
I got stoned and I missed it.
I got stoned and I missed it.
I got stoned... oh me... oh my.

SAHRA CYNTHIA SYLVIA STOUT WOULD NOT TAKE THE GARBAGE OUT

Sahra Cynthia Sylvia Stout
Would not take the garbage out!
She'd scour the pots and scrape the pans,
Candy the yams and spice the hams,
And though her daddy would scream and shout,
She simply would not take the garbage out.
And so it piled up to the ceilings:
Coffee grounds, potato peelings,
Brown bananas, rotten peas,
Chunks of sour cottage cheese.
It filled the can, it covered the floor,
It cracked the window and blocked the door
With bacon rinds and chicken bones,
Drippy ends of ice cream cones,
Prune pits, peach pits, orange peel,
Gloopy glumps of cold oatmeal,
Pizza crusts and withered greens,
Soggy beans and tangerines,
Crusts of black burned buttered toast,
Gristly bits of beefy roasts...
The garbage rolled on down the hall,
It raised the roof, it broke the wall...
Greasy napkins, cookie crumbs,
Globs of gooey bubble gum,
Cellophane from green baloney,
Rubbery blubbery macaroni,
Peanut butter, caked and dry,
Curdled milk and crusts of pie,
Moldy melons, dried-up mustard,
Eggshells mixed with lemon custard,
Cold french fries and rancid meat,
yellow lumps of Cream of Wheat.
At last the garbage reached so high
That finally it touched the sky.
And all the neighbors moved away,
And none of her friends would come to play.
And finally Sahra Cynthia Stout said,
"OK, I'll take the garbage out!"
But then, of course, it was too late...
The garbage reached across the state,
From New York to the Golden Gate.
And there, in the garbage she did hate,
Poor Sahra met an awful fate,
That I cannot right now relate
Because the hour is much too late.
But children, remember Sahra Stout
And always take the garbage out!

"Sarah Cynthia Sylvia Stout Would Not Take the Garbage Out"
also appeared in Where the Sidewalk Ends and first appeared in Beastly Boys and Ghastly Girls in 1964. 

STACY BROWN GOT TWO
Did you hear about Stacy Brown?
(No we didn't but we'd like to.)
He had every chick in town.
(No he didn't but he tried to.)
He got looks, he got class...
Do anything to get a little lass.
And everybody'd shout at him as he walked his girlies past...
(They say) Everybody got one
Everybody got one
Everyboy got one
Stacy Brown got two.
Do you know the reason for his success?
(No we don't so tell us)
They say that he is double blessed
(Not like you fellahs)
They say that Stacy Brown was born
Just a little bit deformed
But still his girlfriends they all wake up smilin' every morn.
(Singing) Everybody got one
Everybody got one
Everyboy got one
Stacy Brown got two
Why they climbing up the wall?
(Just to get to Stacy)
Young ones run and old ones crawl.
(He drives 'em crazy)
He got two and that's a fact,
But no one knows where the other one's at.
On his elbow, on his knee, or underneath his hat?

POLLY IN A PORNY

I saw Polly in a porny
Down at the dirty flicks.
I saw Polly in a porny.
I didn't know she knew them tricks.
What I seen nearly struck me blind.
I never knew she was theatrically inclined.
I saw Polly in a porny with a pony
And it almost blowed my mind
Was she gallopin? no no no
Was she trottin? no no no
Was she ridin' cross the country
With some tall dark handsome person?
Was she wearin' her cowboy hat?
Well, not exactly that.
But, I do recall she had her spurs on...
I love Polly in a porny.
I keep on goin' back.
In the very last row I'm singin' low
With my coat bouncin' in my lap.
I spend each dime I can afford.
I swear she's gonna win an academy award
I saw Polly in a porny with a pony,
And the pony looked a little bored.

FREAKIN' AT THE FREAKERS BALL

C'mon babies… grease your lips…
Put on your hats, and swing your hips.
Don't forget to bring your whips.
We're goin' to the Freakers Ball.
Blow your whistle…bang your gong 
Roll up somethin' to take along.
Feels so good… it must be wrong
Freakin' at the Freakers Ball.
All the fags and dikes, they're boogyin' together 
Leather freaks dressed in all kinds of leather.
The greatest of the Sadists and the Masochists, too,
Screamin' Please hit me and I'll hit you.

F.B.I. dancin' with the junkies 
All the Straights swingin' with the Funkies
'Cross the floor and up the wall
Freakin' at the Freakers Ball.
Everybody is lovin' each other 
Brother with sister… son with mother.
Smear my body up with butter,
And take me to the Freakers Ball.
So pass that roach and pour the wine 
I'll kiss yours and you'll kiss mine.
I'm gonna boogie til I go blind 
Freakin' at the Freakers Ball.
Black ones, white ones, yellow and red ones 
Necropheliacs lookin' for dead ones.
The greatest of the Sadists and the Masochists, too 
Screaming' Please hit me and I'll hit you.
Everybody ballin' in batches 
Pyromaniacs strikin' matches.
I'm gonna itch me where it scratches 
Freakin' at the Freakers Ball, y'all
Freakin' at the Freakers Ball.

ALL ABOUT YOU

In the Granville Greyhound station in the lightly drizzlin' rain
Sittin' on my suitcase, goin' quietly insane
All about you, girl,
All about you.
All about you and the no feelin'
Double-dealin' things that you do.
Every man in Granville
Says he knows you well.
Burn your ears if you could hear
The stories that they tell
All about you. . .
They say you're picked up every Thursday
In a rich man's limousine.
And some cat in San Quentin
Keeps on havin' nasty dreams
All about you. . .
Now the summer sun may burn my back
And these tears may dim my sight.
But before I die, there's a dirty book I'm gonna write
All about you, girl
All about you.
All about you and the no feelin'
Double-dealin' things that you do.

DON'T GIVE A DOSE TO THE ONE YOU LOVE MOST

Don't give a dose to the one you love most.
Give her some marmalade...give her some toast.
You can give her the willies or give her the blues.
But the dose that you give her will get back to you.
I once had a lady as sweet as a song.
She was my darlin', and she was my dear.
But she had a dose, and she passed it along.
Now she's gone, but the dose is still here.
So, don't give a dose to the one you love most.
Give her some marmalade...give her some toast.
You can give her a partridge up in a pear tree,
But the dose that you give her might get back to me.
So if you've got an itchin'...if you've got a drip,
Don't sit there wishin' for it to go 'way. (cuz it won't)
If there's a thing on the tip of your thing or your lip,
Run down to the clinic today, and say...
"I won't give a dose to the one I love most.
I'll give her some marmalade...give her some toast."
Give her the willies or give her the blues,
But the dose that you give her will get back to you.

THE PEACE PROPOSAL

Said General Clay to General Gore
"Really must we fight this sill war
To kill and die is such a bore
"I quite agree," said General Gore
Said General Gore to General Clay,
"We could go to the beach today
And have some ice cream on the way".
"A grand idea", said General Clay
Said General Clay to General Gore,
"We'll build sand castles on the shore".
Said General Gore, "We'll splash and play".
"Let's leave right now", said General Clay
Said General Gore to General Clay,
"But what if the sea is closed today
And what if the sand's been blown away?"
"A dreadful thought", said General Clay.
Said General Gore to General Clay,
I've always feared the ocean's spray
And we may drown." "It's true we may.
It chills my blood", said General Clay.
Said General Clay to General Gore,
"My bathing suit is slightly tore.
We better go on with our war."
"I quite agree", said General Gore
Then General Clay charged General Gore
As bullets flew and cannons roared.
And now, alas, there is no more
Of General Clay or General Gore.

This also appears in Where the Sidewalk Ends

MASOCHISTIC BABY

Oh, ever since my Masochistic Baby went and left me
I got nothin' to hit but the wall.
She loved me when I beat her
But I started actin' sweeter,
And that was no way to treat her at all.
Yes, she is the one that I'm dreamin' of,
And you always hurt the one you love.
And ever since my Masochistic Baby went and left me,
I got nothin' to hit but the wall, oh no...

Nothin' to belt but my pants
Nothin' to whip but the cream
Nothin' to beat but the eggs
Nothin' to punch but the clock
Nothin' to strike but a match
Nothin' to hit but the wall.

LIBERATED LADY 1999

She's a liberated lady and she's lookin' out for herself.
And she don't need your protection, and she does not want your help.
And if you're lookin' for some pretty flower,
you better go look somewhere else,
'Cause I warn you, she's a liberated lady.
She got off work at the foundry...
she was feelin' kind of beat.
On the bus she had to stand and
let some fella have her seat.
And she pinched the ass of a guy who passed her
Walkin' down the street.
When he called a cop, she didn't  quite understand.
So she stopped off on the corner
for her double shot of rye
When some guy lit her cigarette,
she punched him in the eye.
Then he kicked her in the balls, it was enough to make her cry,
But she stood there and she took it like a man.

(chorus)
She's a liberated lady, and she smokes them big cigars.
You're gonna find her drinkin' boilermakers at the corner bar.
And in thirty seconds flat, she'll change a flat tire on your car.
Look out -- she's a liberated lady.

She come home to find her darlin' husband cryin' in distress
She said, "Why ain't supper ready and why is this house a mess".
He said, "The kids have drove me crazy, and I need a brand new dress.
And how come you don't take me dancin'?"
She sat down to smoke her pipe, and she thought back to the time
When she was satin, silk and lace with nothin' on her mind.
But now she's gotta mow the lawn and pay the bills on time
And pray to Mrs. God, she don't get drafted.
They got into bed that evening, and she strapped her dildo on
She climbed on top of him and said, "Ok, let's get it on".
He said, "You know I've got my period and my headache isn't gone ".
And he fell asleep! the chauvinistic bastard!
(Chorus)

THE MAN WHO GOT NO SIGN

Now Gemini Jim and Scorpio Sal
They was livin' by the Golden Gate
Freezin' their nose and wearin' leather clothes
And dealin' every way but straight.
They had a Leo dog and a Capricorn cat,
And everything was goin' fine
'Till into their life on a moonless night
Come the man who got no sign.
Well he blew right in like on some evil wind,
And he rolled himself a righteous smoke
As the thunder crashed and the lightnin' flashed,
He took a toke and spoke.
Said he was born in an astrological warp
When the stars refused to shine
On the cusp of Nowhere and nevermore.
He's the man who got no sign.
Then he told a story of his endless search
To find his missing part,
And Sal she sits and smiles at him
And tries to do his chart
Till Pisces Ben, who was Jim's best friend
Said, "Man, you must be blind.
You better grab your knife and take the life
Of this man who got no sign."
(And so it happened.)
The arrest was made by Sheriff Slade,
An Aquarius through and through.
And the jailer was a Sagittarius.
She he beaat Jim black and blue
Then they dragged him up the courthouse steps.
They said, "Jim how do you plea?"
He said, "Man, the moon's in Virgo
So the blame don't fall on me."
The jury all was Libras,
So you know they was more than fair.
But his lawyer was an Aries,
Ad an Aries just don't care.
The judge he was a Cancer,
And Cancers have no friends.
But the hangman was a Taurus,
And that's where the circle ends...

The new CD  includes three bonus tracks, recently re-released by Sony Music Special Products.  The three new tracks are:

A Front Row Seat to Hear ole Johnny Sing 

26 Second Song

Everybody's Making It Big But Me

Get your Copy of Freakin' NOW!