Producer: It's not a bathtub you moron it's a swimming pool and you are to stay out of it. It's being cleaned and the chlorine levels are unsafe.
Me: Well stick a toothpick in my mouth and call me Bob, that sure is fancy~! Wait till I tell maw about the outdoor tub. Back home we all have to share one barrel, your city foke sure are something else.
Producer: {a bit annoyed} Yeah yeah, just wait here and don't touch anything.
Me: Sure do, I greet the BsB then we high tail it over to those fancy seats to start the interview, right?
Producer: Yes, yes good you got it, do it just like that and everything should be fine. After everyone gets seated you can beginning the questioning but make sure you remember to read the cue card first.
Me: Cue card?
Producer: Yeah it just says who you are and that your on fanatic....Ok lets do this. Now I'll signal to you and that's when you exit to the doors. Don't forget what your suppose to do.
{Producer walks away}
Me: Gee I'm so excited I can't feel my knees...is that a bad things? {Looks around} Hey, where'd everyone go? {Smells arm}
{Producer points at me....}
Me: I should have used some of that fancy soap they at the hotel...
{Producer waves....}
Me: Maw gave me the Lava soap to use, but I suppose in the city you use expensive stuff like Dial...
{Producer jumps up and down...}
Me: They've got those fancy commercials on the telversion for Dial....
{Producer fires a flare.}
Me: I wonder how you'd go about being in a fancy commercial like that, I bet you'd get free Dial for life...
{Producer throw his hands up and walks over to me.}
Howie: Maybe there's something wrong, or stuff like that.
AJ: Hey guys does this hat make me look ghetto or what?
Brian: Why do I always have to sit in the back?
Kevin: Ok you guys we have to be serious here, and Nick remember try not to talk...
{The BsB get up and walk towards me. Brian's first and I push past him to Kevin...}
{Brian falls in the pool taking Nick with him}
Me: Oops...oh well, hiya there Kevin {Slaps Kevin's ass} Ohhhhh you workout. {Winks at Kevin}
Kevin: Hey~!
Me: {Waves at AJ} Wassup Fruitloop? {Notices his hat} Nice hat...
AJ: Thanks~! I got it at this...
Me: LoL, not {Walks over to Howie and gives him a hug}
Howie: Hi I'm Howie D and this is...
Me: Save it, I don't even like guacamole, Taco Bell can rot in hell~! And another thing mister I'm no man's slave you got that?!?
Howie: Yyes...
Me: {Looks in pool} Do you think we should fish them out?
Producer: Son of a bitch~! Can we get some help here?!? Towels we need some towels...
Nick: What the hell?!?
Me: Hey young man, you need to watch your mouth...I've got the bar of soap and I'm not afraid to wash that potty mouth of your's out.
Kevin: Well, it was kinda all of our idea. See what happens is...
Me: Wait let me get this straight, it took all 5 of you to come up with that one stupid idea? I mean not even one of you had the smallest thought that, "hey what the hell are we thinking?!? That's a totally stupid idea~!"
Howie: You don't like the surfboard idea?
Kevin: It's hard to come up with stuff that pleases everybody. It's impossible to make everyone happy ya know. {Gets angry} WE CAN'T PLEASE ALL OF OUR FANS....WE JUST CAN'T DO IT~!
Me: Well, I'm not telling you to please everyone, just me.
Nick: Why should we please just you when we have millions of other fans? Your not special...
Me: Oh that's where your wrong, Enistin, I'm your number one fan, Points at the cameras} that's what all those cameras mean genius.
AJ: {Laughs} She has a point...
Me: Damn straight I do.
Brian: {Starts singing Perfect Fan}
Me: Hey, hey, hey, yo could you shut up Mig? I'm trying to do an interview here~!
{Brian stops singing}
Me: Damn...Ok to my second question. {Looks at AJ then back at the group} Does it ever piss you off that AJ is such a fruitcake? I mean just look at that hat...
AJ: Yo this hat was expensive...
Me: That's a shame you actually paid money for a thing that ugly.
Kevin: {Sarcastically} She has a point....
{AJ gives Kevin a look of death}
Nick: If you think that's ugly you should look at...
Me: Your shark tattoo?
{Everyone starts laughing}
Nick: What?!? There's nothing wrong with my tattoo...I like the Ocean.
Me: Yeah and I like Popcorn but you don't see me tattooing Orville Redenbacher on my ass now do you? {Looks at AJ} I don't know what your laughing at Mr. Panda Bear.
AJ: {Stops Laughing} Panda Bears symbolize racial equality to me.
Me: Please, give me a break. That's one of the stupidest things I've ever heard. It's almost as stupid as Nick's quote in the credits of Millennium.
Nick: Damnit leave me alone, there's nothing wrong with my quote.
Kevin: Nick man I told you it didn't make any sense...
Nick: It does too, "Live life to the fullest for the future is scarce."
Howie: {Thinks} Hey your right that does make no sense.
Nick: Howie you dumbass it does too.
Howie: {Gets up and grabs Nick} Listen to me you little shit if you call me a dumbass one more time I'll kick your white ass till it glows so red that Santa will use it to guide his slay~!
Brian: Yo D, man chill.
Howie: {Lets go of Nick} Oh oh, sorry...
Me: So Howie what's your split personalities name?
Howie: What?
Me: Let's just move on to my next question. This one is for Kevin, how does it feel to finally get a freakin chance to sing?
Brian: Well, Kevin has always sang it's just that...
Me: What the hell?!? Mig shut up no one was talking to you, I said Kevin....Kevin?
Kevin: I love to sing, it makes me feel good that people actually want me to sing more solos...
Me: Kevin, man, cut the crap...how do you really feel?
Kevin: {Thinks} It feels damn good~! If you really wanna know the truth.....
Me: Uh huh...
Kevin: I was getting sick of never getting to sing solos. They would always give them to Brian, Nick and AJ. That really pissed me off. ::Gets angry:: BUT DID THEY CARE?!? HELL NO~! WHY SHOULD THEY CARE, THEY HAD THEIR SOLOS. {Starts to cry}
Me: {Sits next to Kevin} There, there, it's going to be ok. {Looks at the others} You bastards should be ashamed, look what you've done to him. A grown man crying like this, when all he wanted was a damn solo...was that too much to ask?
Kevin: {Sobs}
Nick: It's not our fault we...
Me: Shut up Jabberjaw, you wouldn't know his pain, you've always gotten a solo now haven't you? ANSWER ME DAMN IT~! HAVEN'T YOU?
Nick: YYYes, but that's not the point...
Me: And since they finally gave Kevin a solo you've ruled that they're probably going to giving him more in the future which means you'll get less.
Nick: Huh? I don't know what your talking about?
Me: So you've decided to go off and make a solo Cd...HAVEN'T YOU?
All the guys: What?!? {Everyone looks at Nick}
Howie: {Starts to wink uncontrolably}What she talking about Nick!?!
AJ: Yeah Nick, is what she saying true?
Nick: I was going to tell you guys...honest.
Me: Tell them what? That your a low life bastard cuz you making my own Cd? That your stabbing them in the back so you can make more money?
Nick: You need to shut up, you don't even know the half of it.
Me: LoL, that's funny cuz I have this feeling you don't even know the half of it.
Kevin: {Jumps up} Let me at him~!
Me: UhOh....
Me: Naw I think Kevin can take Nick...
Brian: Howie means so he can stop Kevin from killing Nick.
Me: Why? {Gets out bowl of popcorn} This is entertaining.
AJ: Can I have some?
Me: {Hands bowl of popcorn to AJ} Extra butter.
AJ: Thanks, I'm straving~!
Just then Nick appears from a bush...
Nick: Is that popcorn I smell? {Sniffs the air} Oooo yum and extra butter~!
Me: Where's Kevin?
Nick: {Grabs Popcorn} He was chasing me down some stairs and he fell. Last I seen him he was laying at the bottom in a little ball. You got any salt?
Brian: Well, we opened the door for the boy bands so they kinda have us to thank...
Me: Brain dude, they sing hip hop not Pop.
Brian: They're guys aren't they?
Me: I don't know that Richie is an iffy.
AJ: {Laughs} Yo man that's whack.
Me: No what's whack is this quote from new member Devin, " ...like the Backstreet Boys. I heard their second album, I don't like it."
Kevin: What the...?!?
AJ: That ugly son of a bitch~!
Nick: I like their song "Summer Girls."
Me: Ohhh there's a big surprise...
Nick: What's the suppose to mean?
Me: Oh nothing just that the song's like a freakin Dr. Susess book, I like green eggs and ham...Sam I am. Even a 4 yr old can understand the lyrics there so Barney like.
Nick: But I'm not four.
Me: Exactly
Kevin: SHE'S CALLING YOU STUPID MAN~! AND I THINK SHE'S ON TO SOMETHING...
Nick: What's she on to?
Everyone: That your stupid~!
Nick: Oh....HEY~!
Me: Anyway next question, why did you feel the need to release 3 different copies of Millennium? And why did you choose to release them in Asia so everyone would have to buy an imported Cd which costs about 30 bucks apiece? Oh yeah and lastly did you plan to release them one at a time so the fans would be forced to buy each one?
Howie: Um....
Kevin: Uh....
AJ: Well....
Nick: Huh?
Brian: Hey did you know that Larger Than Life is dedicated to all our fans like you?
Me: Hey did you know I could really careless and would really like an answer to my question?
Howie: See, Rebecca, when we released the first Millennium Cd, the one that we released everywhere on the same day, that was the original cut. Then we decided to give the fans over in Asia a small treat because we never get to tour there.
Me: Uh huh....Ok then, Howie, my next question is for you, are you familiar with a little saying that goes, "Liars Burn," does that ring any bells? I mean you being so religious and all.
Howie: Nooo...{Starts to wink again}
Me: Well then, maybe you should think about that saying next time before you give all that bull about a special cookie Cd for all your Asian fans.
Brian: Soooo, do you like the new Cd?
Me: Yeah it's ok, I mean nothing to write home to mom about, but it's good.
Brian: Well, I know I speak on the behalf of the group when I say....
Me: But, ya know, there's just so many damn slow songs sometimes I fall asleep.
AJ: There's nothing wrong with that, it's soothing music and sometimes we all need a little nap.
Me: Yeah but not when I'm driving.
AJ: Oh...good point.
Brian: Do you think that it's better than the first Cd?
Me: {Thinks} Sorry but I think your best song is Everybody and since I have yet to find a song as equally superior as that on the new Cd, I'd say no I like the first Cd better. But now that I think about it I had to buy 3 copies of that Cd just to get the one that had Everybody on it. Backstreet's back, yeah back alright, back to their old tricks of ripping people off.
{Everyone gets quiet}
Me: But hey that's in the past~! Ain't no thang but a chicken wang.
Howie: {Stops winking{ So your not mad at us?
Me: Mad? {Laughs} No of course I'm not mad.....just bitter. I can't be mad at you, I mean it's not totally your fault. I'm the idiot who bought the Cds, you didn't force me, so I'm going to kick my own ass when I get home.
Kevin: Speaking of kicking ass....I'll kill ya~! {He lunges at Nick}
{Kevin has Nick pined to the ground choking him}
Kevin: You little shit, how can you do this to the group?!?
Nick: I...didn't...I...can't....breathe.
Brian: Kevin~! Get off of him.
{Brian pulls Kevin off}
Nick: {Gasps for air} Your just jealous, all the girls like me and your just an over grown rat with a unibrow. Haven't you ever heard of tweezers?
Kevin: {Breaks loose from Brian} NOW YOU DIE DONUT BOY~!
Nick: Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh~!
{Nick runs for his life towards AJ}
AJ: {Trips Nick} You little shit, trying to break the group up.
Nick: {Nick gets up} What the fuck? So now it's Rat Boy and Ghetto Troll after me?
{Kevin comes limping up behind Nick and drop kicks him with his leg splint}
Kevin: Pretty good for an over grown rat huh?
AJ: Yeah, Kevin you da man~!
Howie: Can't we all just get along?
Kevin and AJ: Oh shut up.
Howie: {The winking starts again}Damnit I don't ever get any respect...it's always lets pick on the short Puerto Rican.
AJ: {Walks over to Howie and puts his arm around his neck} If it makes you feel better we'd make fun of you even if you weren't Puerto Rican.
Howie: That's it, I've had it~!
Kevin: {Looks up from beating Nick} What?
AJ: Where'd Brian and the Fanatic chick go?
Kevin: Huh? {Looks around} I dunno {Throws down Nick} let's go fine them.
Kevin: What in the hell are you doing?
Me: {Looks up and sees Kevin} Making pork chops?
AJ: Woman are you crazy?!?
Me: {Waves turning fork} Yeah I'm crazy your a fruitloop, we make a great couple.
AJ: You must be crazy to think I'd ever want to go out with you.
Me: And you must be a fruitloop to think that I'd ever think of going out with you. {Spins around to see Kevin freeing Brian} Hey~! Back of Kevin, you might be my favorite but I'm not afraid to use this. {Points turning fork at Kevin}
Kevin: Think about this...you don't wanna do this, come on let him go. We'll all leave and go get some pizza or something.
Me: {Lets out an evil laugh} Do I look like Nick to you? We're not going anywhere, not you {Turns around to see AJ sneaking up} OR YOU~! Kevin, sweetie, why don't you walk your ass around this way so that I can keep and eye on both of you....
{Kevin walks around and stand beside AJ}
Me: Ah that's better, so much easier for me to act out my evil plot to kill Mig. {Looks at Brian and puts more sauce in him} Yum, hey Kevin how do you take your pork extra crispy or original style?
AJ: That's chicken genius...
Me: {Points turning fork} It's whatever the hell I want it to be. AJ I have an idea....why don't you just stand there and shut the hell up?
Kevin: Yo way to go Nick~!
AJ: Yeah, hey Nick how'd you know to do that?
Nick: I remembered reading this book my senior year it was called, "The Wizard of something or other...
Kevin: Um Oz?
Nick: No I think it began with an O.
Kevin: Yeah Oz
Nick: Damnit no, it started with an O~! Anyways, {Looks at me} Who's stupid now?
Me: {Half way melted} Um...you?
Nick: Bitch {Pours more water on me} DIE~!
Me: Awwww what a world, what a world.
Nick: Ah ah, Cruella DeVil is dead.
Kevin: Um Nick that would be the Wicked Witch.
Nick: No Kevin, it's Cruella DeVil. I think I should know, I was the one who read the story~!
Kevin: {Shakes head} Damn you really are a moron...
Me: Whoee would you look at that, it's a big fancy bath tub outside~!
{5mins later}
Producer: Ok this is what's going to happen Rebecca, your going to walk outside these glass doors to where the boys are. The guys will see you and get up to greet you. Then you'll move it over to the conversation area beside the pool. Do you understand???
{Meanwhile beside the pool....}
Nick: Man, what's taking so long? It's almost time for lunch.
{I walk out the glass doors and see the BsB}
Brian: Oh there she is, lets do this...
{10 mins later everyone's out of the pool and all sitting in chairs}
Me: {Reads cue card} Hi my name's Rebecca and I'm here today interviewing the Backstreet Boys for MTV's Fanatic. {Holds up soap} And whenever I have an important interview I always shower with Dial first. {Smells soap} It has a fresh sent that keeps me feeling clean and ordor free all day.
{Nick shuts up}
Me: So ok my first question would be, who came up with the crackass idea to have you fly in on surfboards for this year's tour?
Me: Don't like isn't exactly how I'd put it, more like, "Yo that sucks ass."
{Kevin chases Nick around the pool and off the set}
{10 mins later......}
Howie: Maybe we should get that producer guy out here...
{15 mins later everyone is back in their seats. Kevin has on a neck brace and a leg splint}
Me: Ok lets get back to the interview shall we? Now my next question is what's your take on LFO after Brizz?
Nick: But....
Kevin: Looks like your not so dumb...that's the point.
{Howie walks off the set while Kevin still beats the crap out of Nick}
AJ: {Looks around} Hey Kevin....
{AJ and Kevin walk around the pool area to the back of the set. There they find Brian tied to a Barbecue spout which I am turning}
Me: I think we need more flames....
{Just then Nick can be seen creeping up behind me with a bucket. He pours water all over me and I fall to the ground}
Me: Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh~! I'm melting....melting....
