Kevin: {Blindfold is taken off} What the hell?!?
Brian: {Blindfold is taken off} Oh my sweet Jesus~!
Nick: {Blindfold is taken off} Man I'm hungry...don't you guys know how to feed people?
Howie: {Blindfold is taken off and he starts to wink} Did my mascara run?
Man: Shut the hell up~!
{Everyone gets quiet}
Man: Yeah that's right we kidnapped you pussies.
Brian: But why my brother? The Lord would not approve.
Man: Didn't I say to shut the hell up?
Brian: Yyes...
Man: THEN DO IT~! Or I'll gag you.
Kevin: Hey man that's my cousin.
Man: So?
Kevin: Um, so um he's like my cousin, I just wanted to let you know.
Man: That's great dude....
Kevin: I've known him all my life. I remember back when we use to play catch and throw when we we're younger and we use to sing together, that's when I use to get solos, but now....
Brian: Kevin's adopted, he's not really my cousin, I wish to not share his gagging experience.
{Kevin tires to talk but it's muffled by the gag}
Man: Ok so if everyone is going to shut the hell up lets get this thing under way.
{A phone starts to ring}
Man: Wait, what the hell is that?
AJ: Yo, that's my cellphone...I've gotta take this call.
Man: What do I look like to you, stupid?
AJ: No, that's Nick, but if I don't answer this the person is going to know something's up...
Man: Forget that shit.
{The man walks away, the phone stops ringing}
Nick: Man....when do we get to eat?
AJ: I wonder who was calling. I bet it was another crazy fan. Damnit now I have to get the number changed again.
Howie: You guys tell me the truth is my mascara running? Come on tell me, I can take it.
Brian: We need to pray for our safety. If my hands weren't tied I could reach my bible that's in my back pocket.
Kevin: Muhh Muh Muh Muhhh.....
Nick: How come Kevin gets a piece of cloth to eat? That's not fair~!
{Just then the man comes back and he has 4 other guys with him}
Brian: Our Heavenly father who art thow in heaven, hallow be they name...
Man: Now boys this is where the fun begins. Let me introduce you to the masterminds that kidnapped you. {Takes off mask} Whua hahahaha
AJ: Yo it's Donnie Walberg~!
Donnie: Yeah, the real D {Shoots Howie a dirty look}
Howie: {Starting to wink} Um....
Donnie: Save it you poor excuse for a teen idol. Hey guys what do you see?
Joey: {Taking off mask} I see, man, I don't know. One of my rings is cutting off the circulation in my finger...
Jordan: {Taking off mask} I see...DAMN I can't see anything, I'm blinded from the shine of Joey's tacky rings~!
Joey: {Trying to take off a ring} Your just jealous Jordan.
Jon: {Taking off mask} I see ::sob:: Tiffany~! Why? {Throws hands up to the ceiling } Why did she leave me?
Danny: {Taking off mask} Damn Jon, you need to get over that bitch and just pop some steroids like me. {Gets out giant bottle of Mega Man 6000 and throws 10 pills into his mouth} Sweet~!
Donnie: Ok boys, lets not fight with each other {Looks at the BsB} our fight is with them.
Kevin: Muhh Muh Muh Muhh....
Donnie: We brought you pussies here to give you a message.
AJ: What message is that?
Donnie: {Looking behind him at Joey} Hey Joey, man, where's the message?
Joey: {Still trying to get the ring off} Oh...um...the message? It's right here. {Unfolds piece of paper}
Donnie: Damnit Jon~!
Jon: {Looking at BsB} Do you know anything? Huh do ya?
Danny: {Smacks Jon on the head} Shut up moron, your wrecking our kidnapping.
Jordan: Here I got the real message...
Step One: Listen up you cleptoe bums
Joey: Wow that was pretty good Jordan.
Jordan: Ya think?
Brian: So let me get this straight, you want us to stop singing?
Donnie: Among other things that's right white boy.
Joey: Hey Donnie your white too.
Donnie: {Looks at arm} Damn your right. Whatever the point is, you copied us and now we're pissed.
AJ: But Jordan said he did like us in an interview.
Jordan: Ha ha, that was all a little white lie. I couldn't let the media know how I really felt about you, not like Joey did. I mean just look at his career now.
Joey: What?
Jordan: Oops....
Danny: You guys suck, you don't even copy us well.
Jon: Yeah. I mean Kevin come on, "he's my cousin." Pshh that ain't nothing, Jordan's my brother, so ha~!
Donnie: What the hell are you talking about Jon? And you wonder why we never let you sing.
Kevin: Muhh Muh Muh Muhhh
{Jordan ungages Kevin}
Kevin: I am NOT adopted Brian~!
Donnie: Soooo AJ, what's up with all your whack tattoo? Are you trying to get a bad boy image like I had?
AJ: Huh?
Nick: AJ doesn't have a bad boy image.
AJ: Yeah...
Nick: He's just tacky.
Joey: Ohhhh so your trying to copy me now, huh?
AJ: What?
Joey: Don't sass me troll boy, I'll ring whip you.
Danny: {Looking at Kevin} And you trying to be a macho man by lifting weights. I could bench press Nick I bet.
Nick: Huh?
{Grabs Nick and starts bench pressing him}
Danny: Can you do this?
Kevin: God couldn't even do that.
Brian: Don't not take the Lord's name into vain, didn't your momma teach you that?
Kevin: What does it matter I'm adopted, remember?
Nick: Hey Danny, now that we're friends can I have some of those steroids...I'm straving~!
Danny: {Throws Nick down} Hell no you little shit, I already have one person trying to be me, I don't need another.
Nick: Awww Man~!
Howie: You guys can't do this ya know. Once our management finds out we're missing they'll come looking for us.
Kevin: Oh my God Howie, you right...way to go man~!
Howie: Thanks.
AJ: Yeah, Howie's right, our management is going to find us and when they do....
Donnie: You'll be nothing but charcoal.
AJ: What?
Donnie: Hey Joey go to the van and get the blow torch.
Joey: Ok, Donnie. {Takes off running}
Brian: Dear Lord help us~!
Nick: Hey Brian, ask him to send down some food, even Jesus got a last meal.
Brian: Your going to rot in Hell for that Nick. {Shakes head} Mocking the Lord like that.
Nick: Huh? No, I was being serious.
Jon: {Walking over to Nick} Pst hey Nick. I'll give you a cookie if you can give me any info on Tiffany.
Nick: But I don't know who Tiffany is. {Thinks} Hey wait, wasn't that the chick who AJ had sex with last night?
Jon: WHAT?!?
AJ: Huh? No, don't listen to him Jon, he'll say anything for a cookie~!
Nick: No, I remember you told me, "Hey Nick guess what I just banged Tiffany."
AJ: You little liar.
Nick: Yeah, and he said that she was ugly too.
AJ: You little shit, if my hands weren't tied...
Nick: What? You'd smack me just like you did Tiffany?
Jon: I'll kill ya~!
{Jon jumps on top of AJ and starts to beat him}
Danny: Yeah Jon~! Be a man, kick the shit out that douche bag~!
Donnie: Hey, break it up...we don't want to kill them just yet. {Pulls Jon off AJ}
Nick: Hey Jon what about my cookie?
AJ: {Spits out a toof} He was lying to you, you moron, he didn't really have a cookie.
Nick: What!?! Jon, you liar~!
Jon: Shut up Twinkie Boy.
Nick: Do you have one?
{Joey comes running back with the blow torch. He's wearing a nasty hat}
AJ: Hey~! That's my hat~!
Joey: Are you sure?
AJ: Yes, now give it back.
Joey: I think I had better just hang on to it, it clashes with all the blood on your shirt.
AJ: Oh yeah well, it clashes with all your fake rings.
Joey: Oh no you did not call my rings fake. These babies are the real thing, bitch.
AJ: Yeah right, just like Britney Spears' boobs are real.
Everyone at Once: They are?!?
AJ: Damnit no, I was being sarcastic.
Kevin: Why don't you guys just untie us and we'll forget this ever happened.
Danny: Ohhhh ok, sounds like a good idea to me...NOT~! Just shut your trap Mr. Thick Brow.
Donnie: Yo Kevin, he's right, those are some big eyebrows.
Jordan: {Looking at Keivn's eyebrows closely} Do you have to water those things?
Joey: Ha ha, a chia pet.
{All the NKOTB start laughing}
Jon: Damn we're funny.
Danny: Your not funny, Jon. Why did we even let you in the group again?
Joey: Cuz he was Jordan's brother.
Jordan: Hey man, don't say that too loud.
Jon: I really hate you guys.
Donnie: Oooo and we really care. {Starts laughing} Hey BsB, do you want an extra member? You can have Jon, we don't want him anymore.
Howie: {Gasps} No~! I only have 2 fans as it is, I don't need Jon to steal those.
Nick: Yeah besides we already have a longwinded asshole in the group. {Looks at Kevin}
Kevin: You just keep pushing your luck Donut Boy, I'm going to kill you one of these days.
AJ: And I'll help him.
Brian: Violence is not the answer.
Donnie: So lets finish this shall we? We have here a few papers for you to sign. They just say that you'll never sing in the Pop market again, and that you copied off us, NKOTB, and that we were so much better than you then and now.
Kevin: WHAT?!? I'm not signing that.
AJ: Me either.
Brian and Howie: Or me.
Nick: Um...what?
Kevin: And neither is Nick.
Donnie: Ok fine, have it your way. {Lights the blow torch} Which one of you is going to go first?
AJ: I vote Nick.
Kevin: Oh gee I've got to second that.
Nick: No way, I'm the most popular, kill Howie first, no one likes him.
Howie: {Starts to cry} But...
Kevin: No kill Nick first, Donnie. He seen Ransom and said you sucked at acting just like your brother.
Nick: I did not, that was you Kevin.
AJ: I heard Nick say it too. {Smiles at Nick}
Nick: No, you toothless freak, it was Kevin~! I swear on a hot fudge sunday...Oooo that sounds good.
Donnie: {Walking over to Nick with the torch) Sooo I suck at acting huh?
Nick: Well, if we're being honest...
Donnie: Now your going to die cake boy {Bends over Nick with the blow torch. He's about to lite Nick on fire when there's a bang at the doors.}
Danny: What the hell is that?
Jon: Tiffany?!?
Jordan: What's that sound?
{The words Backstreet Boys can be faintly heard chanted}
Joey: I'm scared...
Donnie: What the hell?
{Just then the door burst open and a thousand 14 yr old girls stand there with chains, bats, brass knuckles, numchucks, and chainsaws}
Danny: Holy shit.
Brian: The Lord works in mysterious way.
Jordan: How did you find us?
Teenybopper: When we called AJ and he didn't pick up his phone, we knew something was wrong. So we formed a search party. No one kidnaps the BsB but us~!
Jon: But don't you know who we are? We're the New Kids on the Block.
TeenyBopper: Who?
Danny: The New Kids on the Block...ya know Hangin Tough?
Teenybopper: Ohhh yeah, my older sister use to like you guys.
Jordan: {Smiles} Yeah see, we came first, and we've got the right stuff. Everyone back up I'm going to do my fan dance solo.
Joey: No Jordan, that sucks.
Jordan: Does not, your just jealous I got a solo and that I was super sexy.
Teenybopper: {Breaking in}Too bad that was before our time...let's get 'em girls~!
Joey: Donnie, what do we do?
Donnie: Run.
{The crazy teenyboppers charge after the New Kids}
AJ: Wait, no come back...please take us with you~!
Nick: Yeah please don't leave us here~!
Brian: Lord show us the way {Cries} I don't want to die~!
Howie: Ha ha, I don't have to worry, I don't have any fans to rip me to shreds.
Kevin: Maybe not, but look over there at that group of girls...
{Howie looks over and sees about 300 signs that say Death to Howie}
Howie: {Gasps} Howie haters~!
{The fans completely surround the BsB}
Kevin: Wait, don't you guys want to get the guys who did this to us?
Teenybopper: Oh we already did, we put a bomb in their van.
Brian: What?
Teenybopper: Yeah, it's triggered to the windows, so when someone goes to roll one down...BANG~! They're crispy critters.
Nick: Wow you guys are smart.
AJ: No, they're crazy.
Teenybopper: Crazy about you.
{The fans move in and the BsB can be heard screaming. Meanwhile...}
Joey: Ha ha, we showed those Backstreet Boys, huh?
Jordan: Yeah, it would have been just so much simpler to tell their fans where they live.
Danny: Who cares, at least they're out of the way, now. {Laughs} and we didn't even get hurt.
Donnie: Damnit what's that smell?
Jordan: Eww, Jon did you fart again?
Danny: Man, we told you to lay off the beans.
Jon: Sorry...
Joey: God someone open the windows~!
AJ: {Blindfold is taken off} Hey yo, what's goin on here?!? Where the hell my hat go?
{The man gags Kevin}
Man: Anyone else want to be gagged? How about you cousin?
"Dear BsB, I know you have many connections in the music world and I was just wondering, please, if you knew the were about of a female pop star, named Tiffany. Any information would be helpful...thank you." Huh?
Step Two: This is what your goin to do
Step Three: Listen closely to me
Step Four: Your music is such a bore
Step Five: Get out of the Pop indusrty if you want to stay alive.
