1.) Mace: You are going to need some protection in case someone catches you. Now before that pig touches you just spray a bit of pepper spray in his eyes and run like the dickens out of there. Now they may, instead of calling the police, just stick the dog on you, in this case you spray pepper spray in that bitch's eye and then run like the dickens. Mace is also good for warding off other stalker, spray some mace in that skank's eyes and she'll never look in the direction of your man again, I guarantee it.

2.) A Camera: This is a must if you plan to stalk. There's no use in stalking unless you have one cuz it's really a waste if you don't have pictures of your little adventure. Now let me give you a good example, me stalking this guy named Al. I brought a camera and I took pictures of EVERYTHING! I seen his car ::click:: took a pic, seen his house ::click:: took a pic, seen his backyard ::click:: his cat ::click:: So when Al got the restraining order I had my pictures to keep me company.

3.) Flashlight: Everyone knows the best time to stalk is at night, so you'll need a flashlight. Besides helping you not run into a tree or something it's also good just in case Tyke took a late night dump...if you smell like shit you'll get caught.

4.)Rope: Assuming you get past the front gates you'll need rope. This is so you can hoist yourself up to the stalkie's window. Now you can see inside their house and take as many pictures are you want, just don't use the flash. Rope also comes in handy when you come face to face with your stalkie and you wanna "take him for a little ride." Damnit don't act like you don't know what I'm talking about cuz I know you know you...Der! IN CASE YOU WANT TO KIDNAP HIM!

5.) Crowbar: If for some reason your maybe afraid of heights you'll need a crowbar. Now you can just bust open the front door, but don't forget the rope, cuz you'll still need something to tie up the stalkie with.

1.) ALL Black: Black is the key word here. You need to blend in and if you wear bright orange you're going to stick out like Bambi's mother during hunting season.

2.) Gloves: You won't want to leave your grubby finger prints behind. This is a big No No, if the police find them then they can make a positive ID and send out the SQAUT Team to find you. And believe me they will hunt you down as if you were a glazed donut. And don't pull an OJ and leave one behind, because if your that stupid you deserve to be caught.

3.) Running Shoes: Now you maybe thinking, I gotsta look good for my stalkie. NO WORNG! If you actually looked good you won't have to be stalking the poor guy in the first place. Instead of 5 inch heels try running shoes, this way when the Po Po chases you, you won't trip and break your ankle in the process. Worry about looking good after your stalkie is safely tied up in your closet.

Somethings NOT to do while Stalking

1.) Play video games to pass the time. There are numerous reason not to do this, you get side tracked and since I know you skanks have such small brains it'll be hard for you to do 2 things at once. You might, in making a field goal, scream in the excitement of it all and alert your stalkie that you are hiding in the bushes. Another reason is because if your stalking Nick he'll be more interested in the damn game then you.

2.) Eat: Now I know stalking is a long process but do not eat while you are stalking. It not only attracts all kinds of wildlife in the bush you are hiding in and again if you are stalking Nick, he'll smell the food and charge the bush.

3.) Singing, Humming or Talk to Yourself: It's boring I get that but don't talk, or sing, or hum to yourself while stalking. It's just not a good thing ok, believe me you'll get a song stuck in your head and then you won't be able to stop sing it and it'll drive you crazy until you cry out loud for the voices in your head to stop talking to you and you'll start foaming at the mouth. Your stalkie will call the Five-O and they'll take you away and treat you for Rabies right before they throw your ass in the looney bin. Singing, humming, or talking to yourself is NOT a good idea.

4.) Don't Get Caught: The last and most important thing is to not get caught. It sucks having to stay in jail over night. I mean sure you meet the most "interesting" people, like Big Bretha(watch though she likes to drop the soap if ya know what I mean) and murders(they're always fun), oh and then there's the prostitutes(that's where I first met Innosense). But over all jail is not the place you wanna be, especially if your over 18 like me.

People Supes and I've Stalked

1.) Alex(I will not disclose his last name...Oh hell, Cannon, his last name is Cannon).

2.) Granola(I do not know his real name nor do I care since he's the guy that one of my ex bestfriends, Sap, use to like, he's a REAL loser, just like her.

3.) Jose(Yeah baby! Now that's what I'm talking about. Using the tips above I have successfully gained Jose's phone number and address).

4.) Pierre(Supes likes this guy, he kinda looks like Howie...he has the same eyes, but yeah we got his phone number and addie too).

5.) Scott(This is the guy Supes and I met at the Baltimore Zoo; he managed the carousal...he has Howie potential).

Damn this list could go on and on, you get the point.