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Funny Quotes
Mark Twain
Albert Einstein
In any country there must be people who have to die. They are the sacrifices any nation has to make to achieve law and order.
- Idi Amin Dada
For me, it is nothing. New millennium, or new century, or new year. For me it is another day and night. The sun, the moon, the stars remain the same.
- The Dalai Lama, 1999
Fight for your opinions, but do not believe that they contain the whole truth or the only truth.
- Charles A. Dana
The hottest places in Hell are reserved for those who in time of great moral crises maintain their neutrality.
- Dante
There is no such thing as justice - in or out of court.
- Clarence Darrow
When I was a boy I was told that anybody could become President; I'm beginning to believe it.
- Clarence Darrow
The first half of our lives is ruined by our parents, and the second half by our children.
- Clarence Darrow
If you lose the power to laugh, you lose the power to think.
- Clarence Darrow
Sometimes when reading Goethe I have the paralyzing suspicion that he is trying to be funny.
- Guy Davenport
Anyone who conducts an argument by appealing to authority is not using his intelligence; he is just using his memory.
- Leonardo Da Vinci
The world is full of people whose notion of a satisfactory future is, in factm a return to the idealised past.
- Robertson Davies
This will remain the land of the free only so long as it is the home of the brave.
- Elmer Davis
Genius is nothing but a great aptitude for patience.
- George-Louis De Buffon
We don't like their sound, and guitar music is on the way out.
- Decca Recording Co. rejecting the Beatles, 1962
The most important thing in life is not the triumph but the struggle. The essential thing is not to have conquered but to have fought well.
- Baron Pierre De Coubertin
Nothing great will ever be achieved without great men, and men are great only if they are determined to be so.
- Charles DeGaulle
We hear about the birth of a child and ask questions like, "What did she have? How much did it weigh?" and "Does it have any hair?" The Athabaskan Indians hear of a birth and ask, "Who came?" From the beginning, there is a respect for the newborn as a full person.
- Lisa Delpit
There are a million ways to lose a work day, but not even a single way to get one back.
- Tom DeMarco and Timothy Lister
People are always talking about tradition, but they forget we have a tradition of a few hundred years of nonsense and stupidity, that there is a tradition of idiocy, incompetence and crudity.
- Hugo Demartini
Dreaming permits each and every one of us to be quietly and safely insane every night of our lives.
- William Dement
It is not necessary to change. Survival is not mandatory.
- W. Edwards Deming
There is no conversation more boring than the one where everybody agrees.
- Michel de Montaigne
I think, therefore I am.
- Rene Descartes
Each problem that I solved became a rule which served afterwards to solve other problems.
- Rene Descartes (1596-1650), "Discours de la Methode"
Economics is war pursued by other means.
- Raymond F. DeVoe Jr.
He would make a lovely corpse.
- Charles Dickens (1812-1870)
We spend the first twelve months of our children's lives teaching them to walk and talk and the next twelve telling them to sit down and shut up.
- Phyllis Diller
In science one tries to tell people, in such a way as to be understood by everyone, something that no one ever knew before. But in poetry, it's the exact opposite.
- Paul Dirac (1902-1984)
Get a good idea and stay with it. Dog it, and work at it until it's done right.
- Walt Disney
I love Mickey Mouse more than any woman I have ever known.
- Walt Disney (1901-1966)
There are three kinds of lies: lies, damned lies, and statistics.
- Benjamin Disraeli
As a rule, he or she who has the most information will have the greatest success in life.
- Benjamin Disraeli
I never deny, I never contradict. I sometimes forget.
- Benjamin Disraeli
Youth is a blunder, manhood a struggle, old age a regret.
- Benjamin Disraeli
Love built on beauty, soon as beauty dies.
- John Donne
Mediocrity knows nothing higher than itself, but talent instantly recognizes genius.
- Sir Arthur Conan Doyle
Knowledge is power and enthusiasm pulls the switch.
- Steve Droke
Management means, in the last analysis, the substitution of thought for brawn and muscle, of knowledge for folkways and superstition, and of cooperation for force. It means the substitution of responsibility for obedience to rank, and of authority of performance for the authority of rank.
- Peter Drucker
Whenever you see a successful business, someone once made a courageous decision.
- Peter Drucker
Time is the scarcest resource and unless it is managed nothing else can be managed.
- Peter Drucker
A little less complaint and whining, and a little more dogged work and manly striving, would do us more credit than a thousand civil rights bills.
- W.E.B. DuBois
Everything that can be invented has been invented.
- Charles H. Duell, Commissioner, U.S. Office of Patents, 1899
Education is a progressive discovery of our own ignorance.
- Will Durant
One of the lessons of history is that nothing is often a good thing to do and always a clever thing to say.
- Will Durant
Infinite patience brings immediate results.
- Wayne Dyer
What's money anyhow? A man is a success if he gets up in the morning and goes to bed at night and in between does what he wants to do.
- Bob Dylan