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Oakley Driving Shoes CLEAN LAFFS - Tuesday, June 29, 2004------------------------------------------------------------ Subscribe and Unsubscribe links at the bottom of the page. ------------------------------------------------------------ Good morning crew, We had another promotion test at the school this weekend. Usually the tests are 8 weeks apart, but for some scheduling reason they held this test only six weeks after the last one. Subsequently I had to cram a lot of classes in over the last few weeks get ready. Usually I will go to the gym 2-3 times a week, but for the last two weeks I've been there Monday through Thursday. It's been tiring. It was a little distressing to watch this one, too. Usually I'm an advocate of the Beach Boys philosophy, "Be True to Your School" but it would be nice if they were a little more consistent. Most of the tests are cut-and-dry affairs where you demonstrate your knowledge and command of the skills for that rank and thanks for coming. But for some reason, during this test, they were working the students hard, especially the kids. One of the master instructors actually reduced two of the girls (ages around 10-12) to tears. I don't necessarily approve of that. But other than this bit of drama it was pretty anticlimactic. It always is. When I first learn the material it seems impossible, but after two months of training there is not much chance of failing. Of course, now I've probably jinxed myself. Laugh it up, Joe mailto:joe@cleanlaffs.com Email Joe *** "6" YEAR ANNIVERSARY JAMBOREE SPECIAL Just when you thought it couldn't get any better, hang on to your hat! We are NOW offering you "3 for the price of 1" on all NEW equivalent EPSON and CANON Inkjet Cartridges. Prices from $6.75 for 3 black and $10.50 for 3 color. LIMITED TIME OFFER http://ads.gophercentral.com/al/a?aid=7109&ent=2115 3 for the price of 1 *** My wife and I are inseparable. In fact, last night it took four state troopers and a dog. *** Marriage is the process of finding out what kind of man your wife would have preferred. *** "My girlfriend is not a ball and chain--she's more of a spring-loaded trap." --Kevin Hench ------------------------------------------------------------ FREE Bugs Bunny Cell phone Flashing Key chain - The Smart and Fun Way To Receive Calls Are you like me, one of those types that always seems to miss cellphone calls? Well not anymore, thanks to the Bugs Bunny Flashing Cell Phone Chain. It blinks (in three wild colors, no less) BEFORE your phone receives a call signal. (It's like ESP....) Now you can turn off the ringer, put the phone away (or listen to headphones) without ever missing a call. Carry it with your keys, hang it from your car mirror or attach it to your cell phone case--it works up to 3 feet away from your phone. Cute and functional (and a surefire conversation starter), this makes a great gift.... If you want one of these, please HURRY or they'll be gone in a...uh, flash. (Limit 5 per order) http://ads.gophercentral.com/al/a?aid=505&ent=643 Cell phone Flashing Key chain ------------------------------------------------------------ The Bachelor Diet Monday Breakfast - Who can eat Breakfast on a Monday? Swallow some toothpaste while brushing your teeth. Lunch - Send your secretary out for six "gutbombers" - those little hamburgers that used to cost a dime but now cost sixty five cents. Also order French fries, a bowl of chili, a soft drink and have her stop on the way back for a family size bottle of Maalox. Afternoon Snack - Drink the Maalox. Dinner - Six pack of beer and Kentucky fried chicken three-piece Dinner, don't eat the coleslaw. Tuesday Breakfast - Eat the coleslaw. Lunch - Go to the office vending machine and put ninety five cents in and close your eyes, push a button and eat whatever comes out swallowing it whole to prevent nausea. Dinner - Four tacos and a pitcher of Sangria at El Flasho's. Wednesday Breakfast - Stomach couldn't handle breakfast after a night at El Flasho's. Lunch - Rolaids and a coke. Dinner - Drop in at a married friends house and beg for scraps. Thursday Breakfast - Order out for pizza. Lunch - Your secretary is out sick, check Mondays gutbomber sack for leftovers. Dinner - Go to a bar. Ask the bartender for extra olives. Friday Breakfast - Eggs, sausage and an English muffin at McDonalds. Eat the Styrofoam plate and leave the food. It tastes better and it's better for you. Lunch - Skip Lunch, Fridays are murder. Dinner - Steak, well-done, baked potato and asparagus. Don't eat the asparagus, nobody really likes asparagus. Saturday Breakfast - Sleep through it. Lunch - Ditto. Dinner - Steak, well done, baked potato, and brussel sprouts. Don't eat the Brussel Sprouts. Take them home and plant them in a hanging basket. Sunday Breakfast - Three Bloody Mary's and a Twinkie. Lunch - Eat Lunch? And waste a good buzz? Dinner - Chicken noodle soup. Call home and ask about renting our old room. *-------------- Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes ---------------* An American was golfing at the Old Course in St. Andrews, Scotland. He slices his opening drive out of bounds onto the beach, so he tees another one up and smacks it right down the middle. The golfer turns to his old Scottish caddy and tells him that in America that is called a "Mulligan" and asks him if there is a name for it in Scotland. The caddy replies, "AYE, we call it a three." _____________________________________________________________ W H Y D I D T H E C O W B O Y B U Y A D A C H S H U N D? Want to know the answer to this important question? Then you need to get a copy of THE BEST OF CLEAN LAFFS! Order Joe's laff diary for F-R-E-E...all you pay is postage and handling. Check it out: http://af3.gophercentral.com/book/clean.html The Best of Clean Laffs ____________________________________________________________ To SUBSCRIBE: http://www.gophercentral.com/sub/sub-jokes.html Subscribe UNSUBSCRIBE: http://www.cleanlaffs.com/unsub.asp?n=437&e=aportorclass@flashmail.com Unsubscribe You are subscribed as: aportorclass@flashmail.com Change Your Email Address by Visiting: Change your email address * PLEASE allow 48-hrs for removal from this list when emailing * ------------------------------------------------------------ AOL Links ------------------------------------------------------------ Visit the Clean Laffs Site More FREE Fun & Entertainment ************************************************************ END OF CLEAN LAFFS Copyright 2004 by PENN LLC. All rights reserved. Feel free to forward this, in its entirety, to others. |
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Oakley Driving Shoes 9bbTuesday, February 24, 2004 Women Need Equipment Tailored To Their Game One of the most upsetting statistics in golf is that one out of every two women who take up the game quit after 24 months. There are a number of reasons for this, but one of the most common is that the game is made hard for women because many of them play with inferior equipment. Sometimes it is the arrow and not the Indian that's responsible for a bad shot. Many women players have difficulty generating enough club head speed to consistently get the ball airborne with the longer clubs, which have less face loft. They have no trouble with the 5-iron through pitching wedge, but they hit the rest of their clubs all about the same distance. This begs a ques- tion from an inquiring mind: "Why do I need all those other clubs in the set if they all go the same distance?" I've asked club manufacturers about this, but they have always responded with a shrug -- until now. Finally, using the information provided by modern-day launch monitors, club manufacturers such as Callaway are making sets available this year that are more suitable for golfers with slow swing speed. Here's how it works. A woman who hits her driver about 120 yards spins the ball at about 4,000 rpms (revolutions per minute). Her spin rate for the pitching wedge is about 5,000 rpms. The rate is fairly constant throughout the set, meaning she has only a 40-yard gap between her longest and shortest clubs (by contrast, the average man hits his pitching wedge 100 yards and his driver 220 yards -- a 120-yard gap). The strategy for these women is to have fewer clubs (more woods and fewer irons) and to space the lofts far differently than the spacing in a traditional set. For example, a woman's set of clubs would include: a 14-degree driver, 18-degree 3-wood, 20-degree 5-wood, 24-degree 7-wood, 28-degree 9-wood, 32- degree 7-iron, 38-degree 8-iron, 44-degree 9-iron and a 50- degree pitching wedge. Throw in a sand wedge and a putter and you have a set that numbers 11, but fills in the 40-yard gap more evenly (and with more versatility). 'No Real Rush' For Duval To Return To Competition Despite a recent report that David Duval likely will return to competition for The Players Championship March 25-28, instructor David Leadbetter, while optimistic about the former No. 1 player's improvement, says that "nothing is automatic right now." Not even playing in the Masters. Indeed, there's nothing to keep Duval from waiting until summer, if that's what it takes. It all depends on his con- fidence and progress. "There's no real rush," Leadbetter said Wednesday from Orlando. "It's not do-or-die that it has to be TPC or Augusta. It's going to be when he feels his game and his head are ready for it." The only apparent sure thing is that Duval, 32, who made only four cuts in 20 events last year and fell to 242nd in the world rankings, is getting married during the first week of March to Susie Persichitte, an interior designer from Denver he met last summer at The International. While Leadbetter is encouraged that Duval has started to fade the ball again, he's concern- ed about the timing of Duval's return. If Duval eventually eyes TPC, it might be smarter to start back at, say, either the Honda Classic or Bay Hill, rather than face the pressure of a debut at Ponte Vedra Beach in his hometown tournament. QUOTE OF THE WEEK "If you think it's hard to meet new people, try picking up the wrong golf ball." -Jack Lemmon |
