Chp 5
Howie woke up sometime later to an all too familiar sound from the TV. He blinked his eyes and focused on the images on the TV. He couldn't help the sigh that came from his lips as he saw "I Want It That Way" dance in front of his eyes. He looked down at Rose, who was still breathing deeply in his lap. He grabbed the remote slowly and flicked off the TV.
"Why'd you turn it off?" Rose mumbled, still laying down. Howie tensed shifted. She sat up slowly and her eyes penetrated him deeply.
"Um." Was all he could think of. He never knew how this was going to come up, and he had no clue what to say.
"Did you think I didn't know?" she asked softly, her eyes never leaving his.
"Well, ah, you um never said anything," he mumbled, feeling ridiculously foolish.
"Did you want me to scream and beg for an autograph?" She asked sarcastically.
"Well, no..." he paused searching for the right words. "I wasn't sure how to approach the subject. I'm afraid you'd only like the person you recognize. You'd expect something more then who I am. It's hard to find friends, someone who isn't after money."
"Howie, I knew who you were, and that's why I didn't want to go to dinner with you. You treated me like I was weird the first time we met so I figured you had a huge head, an enormous ego. But, you proved me completely wrong. You're the sweetest person I know. The guy who was a Backstreet Boy isn't you. It is part of you, but it isn't what totally makes you"
"So, you knew who I was when we met?"
"Well, I recognized you but it took me a couple of hours to realize who you were. Rocko would have snitched you out eventually. He's told me stories"
"Really?" Howie asked. He put his arm around her and she leaned against him.
"He told me you are the sweetest and most humble star he'd ever met. He said that even when you were asked for an autograph you were shocked. He also said that you were the only one who seemed genuinely concerned when the group broke up." She turned her head up to look in his eyes. "Rocko didn't tell me anything that would have betrayed your trust. He must have figured you would let me know in your own time."
"I can tell you now"
"Don't tell me anything you don't want to. I know how hard it is. Rocko said you guys were like brothers. To lose not one, but four friends at a time, its hard. Tell me when you're ready" She said calmly. He looked in her eyes again and had to fight the urge to cover her mouth with his own. She had so much understanding in her eyes. She wasn't upset that he hadn't shared everything with her.
"I should go home. Get some sleep.." he said suddenly, getting up. She looked at him slightly puzzled but walked him to the door. She wrapped her arms around his neck and squeezed him tightly.
"Thanks for listening" She said softly. He pulled away and saw her emotions flare in he eyes for a second. They were tucked away quickly.
"You too, Rosie.." he smiled at her. She reached up and stroked his cheek. He thought for sure she'd say something other then "Drive safely" As her hand fell back next to her, he smiled weakly and knew she wouldn't have been able to breathe out her emotions with her hard head thinking about the consequences.
He looked at the closing door and closed his eyes. He got in his car and thought about the feelings growing inside of him. He was getting too close, too attached. Shed already said she didn't want a relationship, but he wanted that more then anything. He couldn't explain the draw to her, and he figured he never would be able.
Howie showed up an hour late on purpose. He wanted to spend as little time there as possible. He was feeling really shitty and he been avoiding everyone. He went in and found some wine and starting walking the rooms. He didn't see Rose come up behind him.
"Look who finally decided to show up" she said as he turned around to face her. He knew shed already hit the wet bar several times and she was pissed.
"Hey, Rose. Had much to drink?"
"Shut up. I have something I need to tell you" she grabbed his hand and pulled him to a room upstairs that was empty. He had to swallow a great deal of wine to ease his dry throat. He knew she hadn't dragged him to an empty room to do what he was thinking about.
"What?" he asked exasperated. He hated the way he had to act towards her. It was either avoid and be mean or drool at her feet.
"I'm moving." She said simply, sitting on the bed.
"Huh?" He was totally unprepared for that.
"I'm moving. I wanted to tell you in person. I'm not getting anywhere around here. I have no songs, I have nowhere to record, I have no record deal, I have no money."
"What about your friends? What about me?"
"I don't see why I should take you into consideration. I haven't heard from you in nearly two weeks. I almost shit a brick when I saw you here"
"I care! I can't explain why I haven't called..." Howie sat next to her on the bed. "I can't explain anything."
"I can explain some things" She replied sourly. "You're miserable. You aren't a damn construction mogul. You're a performer. You're a songwriter. You are digging yourself deeper into depression because you won't get out of your rut. You have a beautiful voice and so much talent and its wasting. You need to get off your stubborn ass and do something to make yourself happy." Rose ranted. She stood there, hands on hips and fire in her eyes. He looked at her as if shed grown another head.
"You know what?" he asked angrily.
"What" She spat back. He just huffed and got up. He couldn't think of anything to say and he left. He drove home, enraged and fell asleep.
Two days later, she hadn't called to apologize, so he went to her apartment. He knocked on her door and waited. He psyched himself up to be angry, but all that vanished when she opened the door. Her hair was pulled back tightly into a ponytail. She had on cute fuzzy slippers, sweat pants, and tank top and a sweatshirt half zippered up. She had on absolutely no makeup. It was the first time he'd ever seen her without lipstick or anything. She looked absolutely gorgeous.
"What?" she snapped at him. He couldn't talk. He'd never met a woman who could stop his breath in sweatpants.
"Um.." he stuttered.
"Listen, unless you're here to say something incredibly meaningful then I suggest you leave." Rose said, temper flaring.
"I was actually thinking you would apologize to me."
"For what?" she asked, her eyebrows drawing together and her lips tightening.
"For going psychoanalysis on me" he retorted. By the look on Roses face he knew he was in trouble.
"You want me to apologize? That's fucking bull shit! I wouldn't apologize to you for that if my life depended on it! You needed someone to psychoanalyze you. We've only known each other for some odd months, but I think I know you pretty well. You looked silly that day at the construction site. Your designer clothes amongst their Kmart clothes. That is not you. You're a singer, and artist. You need someone to tell you how much pain you have inside." He voice softened or a moment. "I can tell you're hurting. I understand. I won't think any less of you if you let it show. Hell, I wouldn't even laugh if you cried. I know what its like. You need to take all your feelings and writing about it." She hardened again. "As a matter of fact, I dare you to write a song. I dare you" She finished with a deadly look then slammed the door in his face. When she'd shot him that final, icy stare, he knew he'd fallen head over heels. No woman had ever talked to him like that. He tried to think of what to do, what to say. An idea formed into his head and he knocked on the door again.
"Go away" she called from inside the door.
"I decided to take your dare. But I think we should make it a bet." He said slowly. He heard the door unlatch and slowly open.
"If I can write a song, and as Rocko as the judge, it's deemed good, you win. If I cant, then I win."
"What are we betting for" she asked, coming into the hallway.
"Well, if you win, then I'll pull any strings I can to get you a deal. I'll produce you and write you a hit song."
"Ok, if you win.."
"If I win.." he stepped closer to her, grabbed her by her sweatshirt, and looked her right on the eyes. "If I win, I get to seduce you and you let me make love to you. Either way you win." He unzipped her sweatshirt slightly and smiled as her mouth opened in surprise. As soon as the lust was out of her eyes, she put on a smirk and pushed his hands away.
"I don't appreciate your term, but since I know I'll win, I'll agree."
"Ok, we need to shake on it" he extended his hand.
"Well, one more thing to add. If I win, we don't discuss your term anymore because I don't get involved with people I work with."
"Fine." He said. She stuck her hand out and they shook.
"Now you better get busy writing. I'd like to start my demo soon." Rose said smiling She shut the door and Howie smiled as he went to the car. If she won, she couldn't move and it would only be a matter of time before he made her fall madly in love with him. And if he won, she'd realize her feelings a lot sooner.
Chp 6
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