Dahpimpsta.Bagelz.Bigfoot.Me.Myself.I.Bigdeezy.TallBitch.Jew.Balla
Life through the eyes of the tall one they call BigFoot
Look at my tall goofy ass on my WEBCAM.
Past WebJournals: [March 8-11] [March 12-15]
3/19/01
Wise words of Guido Conger, “When the going get tough, I'm gone!”
Wise words of Colby, “Suck my balls (in cartmans voice)!
Wise words of Allegro, “Yea, that’s not what your mom said!“
We dwell in a world where the weak die and the strong survive. I was watching the Simpsons and they showed the show with Flanders setting up the Lefty Shop, for Lefties. This made me conclude the weak in our society are left-handers, lefties, like Flanders on the Simpsons. You can tell that this guy is weaker then the Okelly-dokelly-do of a person he presents himself to be. The righties dominate the lefties in this world, with about 85% of us being righties. Lefties are oppressed by the right-handed culture. Why are there even lefties on this planet?? Also you must think why there are so not many lefties inhabiting our habitat. The answer is quite simple my “Godspeed little doodle” - Flanders. You know everyone has a brain, or at least most of us humans do, and it is split into two halfs, and the Corpus Callosum which is the telephone line between the halves tends to be bigger in lefties. Larger Corpus Callosum’s make the brain more suspectable to drugs which affect our nervous system. Back in the day where our language was lots of grunts and we wore nutin but leaves over our genitals - the Ice Age - the only way our ancestors, the dirty cavemen, would determine the safety of a new plant on the ground was to taste it. Lefties, more susceptible to poisons, because of larger Corpus Thingys, died off more quickly, and 40,000 years later, our human gene pool consisted of mostly righties. So mukalakalaka I say to those few lefties left, because you soon will perish. You have now become dumber from this story, and I comend you for it.
According to our coach, Luke and I got kicked outta practice cuz he said we were too good, and need rest...yeah Wick..right, I think you don’t want us to cause trouble, hahahah!
Tommorow is the first day of Spring, and well the last couple days have been as hot as the place we call hell. Deal with it for all you whiners who constantly say, “Oh it’s hot!” What are you gunna do shoot the sun down? Well anyways, Spring is marked by the Vernal Equinox, for those of you that have no idea what that is, it’s when the sun passes directly over our equator giving our world an equal half-day’s worth of sun. Well some idiot told me that this is one of the few days you can balance a hard boiled egg on it‘s end. For this guy telling me this, I know deem him an idiot for even knowing this fact. Otherwise everyone try it, I guess it’s supposedly true, so lets try it out.
Today was facts you don’t really need to know Monday. Penis Toe fo sho though, in yo mouth yah skeeza'd out ho!!!
3/18/01
Wise words of Deezy, “Gonzaga baba-babaaaaahhhh, Sweet Sixteen!”
Wise words of Steve, “Women are dumb bitches and never know what they want, so they can all go to hell!”
Wise words of Jeremy, “North Carolina will prevail next year!”
Kind of a weird subject to talk aboot (Canadian pronunciation of about), but since I’ve been busting them all weekend, I must analyze the good ole’ stinky smelly gaseous fart. Now where do farts initiate in our bodies?? I’ve taken Anatomy already and asked the same question, and the teacher laughed at me, but said that when the chemical balance is off in your body, like when you have orange juice and pretzels together, the body has no other place to expel the gases except out the sphincter cannon. The sound that this queef makes is a totally different subject, because it differs from person to person. Myself, I don’t know but they are loud and long. “Loud like a fox!” - Joe I don’t have control of my sphincter, the asshole muscle, but some people like the Howard Stern’s “Mr. Methane Man” can control it with ease. He can inhibit suckin in and out causing the loudest and ryhtmic gaseous sounds every recorded. Mr. Methane man can carry a tune with his ass like no other, which makes him an icon in today’s society of the sick and twisted. I can truely say that the fart is one of natures way of saying Hello to the outside world from inside one’s body. The fart bonds people together with laughter, and could be the problem solver to our world peace. Even though the gases are outlandishly smelly, it is a curious smell of what we ate minutes before. Weird indeed but a subject most shun away, farts are the top dawg of them all when it comes to laughter. So come with me on my journey of “Fart Exhibitionism” and be free of holding it in, just let it all out!!!
Why the hell is it so hot in my room???
Just a simple comment because it’s plaguing my mind, and this is the place to spill the beans: Does anyone else think that pool is a sexual sport. Except for most couples using the pool table as a spot to hop on the bad foot and do the good thing, when you try to get the balls in the hole with a stick, I think that it was made part of sexual association. You think you know, but you have no idea!!!
Gonzaga gets another win in the tourney, and enters the sweet 16 for the third year in a row. The Zags are going all the way, and for all you who didn’t know the name Gonzaga, pronounced Gon-Zag-ahhh, you should now know. This little penis toe went to the market, this little penis toe went in yo mouth, lick it!!
3/17/01
Wise words of Luke, “Piss Off!!!!!!”
Wise words of Joe, “Crazy like a FOX!!!!!”
Wise words of Helvig, “Hoy Hoy Hoy!!!!”
If you want you wise words posted, e-mail me, Dahpimpsta I will post them daily. I will keep a page of wise words also.
Went to the beach today to chill back and get a tan, because I am ghostly white, but have been getting darker as the days go by. I was thinking to myself that there is a lot of sand on the beach, and where does it all come from. I understand the aspects of erosion and how bits of sediment move from here to there, and that the massive ocean breaks it all up, but that’s a lot of sand. All the meanwhile, we laid there on our beach towel soaking in the rays of the sun booming our music on the boom box. As we had it blasting at high volume, it seemed as if the people around us quickly disapeared to another part of the beach. If you don’t like the soothing sound of rap and hip-hop then B-Please. I did manage to find a Jock Jams CD, and we were grooving to “We Will Rock You.” Except for little haze and gusts of wind here and there, the beach was real nice.
Another bothersome thing that bothers me is the fact that we have sea-gulls at our school. It invokes a new path to get from lunch to your next class, because we live in the fear of getting shit on or peed on. There have been some close calls, but I’ve never had the defecations of a sea-gull fall on me, yet on the other hand, the bloody Englishman Luke has. I think it was pee, but it was some kind of dropping from the dim-witted gulls of the sea. First, don’t the sea-gulls belong at the sea?? I know for a fact there is no body of water, except for the little pond outside the Simi Hills Golf Course, that resembles a sea of any kind for at least 30 minutes from here. So where to they dwell at night? Is there some little rock cave they come from, because I want to find this hole and throw a Costco size box of Alka-Seltzer in there, so you just see something the French call a certain I don’t know what. Uhh yeah, but I want to purge Simi High of these birds of poop. At the same time, when I die I want to become a Simi High sea-gull, because I would be the sniper sea-gull. Choose victums and go poopy all over them. I think in fact these birds are people who have passed away and have come back to haunt the Simi students.
3/16/01
Although I know the webcam is a fun little device to show yourself on the net to friends, family, and strangers, I found out that sometimes I forget it’s on. A couple days ago, retarded AOL was busy for the first time in a million years, and so I signed on through an earthlink account, then signed onto AOL through TCP/IP connection. So the story goes on that I turned my webcam on, and everyone was like ohh do sumptin funny for the cam, so I do my famous one-fingered salute, or show my white ass. Well I went to sign off of AOL, but forgot that my connection to earthlink was still active, therefore the webcam was on. I then had a violent hardcore nose picking session, and as most of you know, I’m Jewish and have a big nose, so I had a lot to get outta there. Then I started to undress to take a shower, and well I did the Full Monty in my room, stripping minus the strip tease. Luckily my connection is so slow that pictures are taking every other 15 seconds, but for the good 5-6 people still watching, they saw the Tally-wacker swaying to and fro. So for all you who have webcams, just remember to turn it off before you start watching pornos in your room and wacking off, or doing sumptin you normally exclude others from watching you do.