A pair of Michigan robbers entered a record shop nervously waving revolvers. The first one shouted, "Nobody move!" When his partner moved, the startled first bandit shot him.
A woman was reporting her car as stolen, and mentioned that there was a car phone in it. The policeman taking the report called the phone and told the guy that answered that he had read the ad in the newspaper and wanted to buy the car. They arranged to meet, and the thief was arrested.
In Oklahoma City, Dennis Newton was on trial for the armed robbery of a convenience store in a district court when he fired his lawyer. Assistant district attorney Larry Jones said Newton, 47, was doing a fair job of defending himself until the store manager testified that Newton was the robber. Newton jumped up, accused the woman of lying, and then said, "I should have blown your head off." The defendant paused, then quickly added, "If I'd been the one that was there." The jury took 20 minutes to convict Newton and recommended a 30-year sentence.
A guy walked into a little corner store with a shotgun and demanded all the cash from the cash drawer. After the cashier put the cash in a bag, the robber saw a bottle of scotch that he wanted behind the counter on the shelf. He told the cashier to put it in the bag as well, but he refused and said, "It's because I don't believe you are over 21." The robber said he was, but the clerk still refused to give it to him because he didn't believe him. At this point the robber took his drivers license out of his wallet and gave it to the clerk. The clerk looked it over, agreed that the man was in fact over 21, and put the scotch in the bag. The robber then ran from the store with his loot. The cashier promptly called the police and gave the name and address of the robber that he got off the license. They arrested the robber two hours later.
In Louisiana, a man walked into a Circle-K, put a $20 bill on the counter and asked for change. When the clerk opened the cash drawer, the man pulled a gun and asked for all the cash in the register, which the clerk promptly provided. The man took the cash from the clerk and fled, leaving the $20 bill on the counter. The total amount of cash he got from the drawer? Fifteen dollars.
Wearing a ski mask and carrying a gun, a thief burst into the bank one day. Aiming his gun at the guard, the thief yelled "FREEZE, MOTHER-STICKERS, THIS IS A FUCK-UP!" For a moment, everyone was silent. Then the snickers started. The guard completely lost it and doubled over laughing. It probably saved his life, because he'd been about to draw his gun. He couldn't have drawn and fired before the thief got him. The thief ran away and is still at large. In memory of the event, the bank has put this engraved plaque on the wall ...."Freeze, Mother-Stickers, this is a fuck-up!"
A man received a mistaken phone call from police saying there were armed officers surrounding his house. The 33-year-old was told to walk out with his arms in the air and no weapons. When he got outside there was no one there and he went back in. A police negotiator still on the phone then realised he had got the wrong telephone number.
A man broke into a jewelry store in the middle of the night. Once inside he broke the glass case to extract the jewelry -- so excited and anxious to get his hands on the diamonds in the case he did not notice, that when he broke the glass, with his hand, he cut the tip end of one of his fingers off. When police did arrive, they merely fished the top portion of the finger out, printed it, and ran a match program. The man was arrested within a few hours of his crime.
In West Virginia a man followed a man down an alley. When they were completely off the street he flashed a gun at the man and told him to give him all his money. When he discovered his victim only had $13 in his wallet he demanded the man write him a check for $300. The victim complied and wrote a check for cash. The next day the man was arrested when he went into the bank to cash the check.
A man in South Carolina walked into a local police station, dropped a bag of cocaine on the counter, informed the desk sergeant that it was substandard cut, and asked that the person who sold it to him be arrested immediately.
Two men in Kentucky tried to pull the front off a cash machine by running a chain from the machine to the bumper of their pickup truck. Instead of pulling the front panel off the machine, though, they pulled the bumper off their truck. Scared, they left the scene and drove home.
...with the chain still attached to the machine.
...with their bumper still attached to the chain
...with their vehicle's license plate still attached to the bumper.
Seems this guy wanted some beer pretty badly. He decided that he'd just throw a cinder block through a liquor store window, grab some booze, and run. So he lifted the cinder block and heaved it over his head at the window. The cinder block bounced back and hit the would-be thief on the head, knocking him unconscious. Seems the liquor store window was made of Plexi-Glass. The whole event was caught on videotape.
Gary Michaels of Chicago liked the finer things in life: fast cars, fine art, and expensive jewelry--stuff he couldn't begin to afford. But while peering through the window of the jewelry store, he reckoned his luck was about to change. This was the heist that would get him out of the hole. Simple: Smash the window, grab the jewelry, and run. Quickly, Michaels spotted a street manhole cover. He pried out the one-hundred-pound disk, hauled it to the window, and heaved it through. Michaels grabbed all the rings, watches, and diamonds he could carry, then took off running. Turning the corner, he almost bowled over a couple doing some late-night window shopping. Panicked, he bolted back into the street, heading for an alley, and then disappeared from sight ... down the open manhole.
At his criminal arraignment, the defendant stood before the judge. "You are charged with the theft of an automobile," the judge said. "How do you plead?" He expected to hear a simple "guilty" or "not guilty." Instead, the defendant tried to explain his whole defense as succinctly as possible. "Before we go any further, judge," the accused man blurted out, "let me explain why I stole the car." The judge's decision was made in record time!
When a man attempted to siphon gasoline from a motor homeparked on a Seattle street, he got much more than hebargained for. Police arrived at the scene to find an ill man curled up next to a motor home trying to steal gasoline and plugged his hose into the motor home's sewage tank by mistake. The owner of the vehicle declined to press charges, saying that it was the best laugh he'd ever had.
When police officers in a Louisiana city arrived at a vehicle accident call involving property damage, the driver was still on the scene, but not exactly "with it." In a state of heavy inebriation, Montel Stenson told police that he had simply lost control of his European luxury car. During this momentary lapse, it seemed, he had wiped out an entire fence and slammed into a pole. Officers on the scene were proceeding through their usual drunk-driver routines when Stenson suddenly went berserk. Running back to his automobile, he started it and began ramming one of the squad cars. Backing up and then hurtling forward, he continued to bash the police vehicle. He succeeded in pushing it up against a nearby garage before police were able to extract him. What was the reason for this bizarre attack? Stenson told police that his European-made automobile had told him to kill the American-made car. "I was just following orders," was Montel's truly dumb defense.
Drug-possession defendant Christopher Johns, on trial in March in Pontiac, Michigan, said he had been searched without a warrant. The prosecutor said the officer didn't need a warrant because a "bulge" in Christopher's jacket could have been a gun. Nonsense, said Christopher, who happened to be wearing the same jacket that day in court. He handed it over so the judge could see it. The judge discovered a packet of cocaine in the pocket and laughed so hard he required a five-minute recess to compose himself.
In New York, John Nashid went into a Bronx bank and held it up. He got away with $17,000.00. Then he got into his car and led the police on a five mile chase through the streets. In order to delay the police, John began throwing money out his car window. It may have worked but it also gave police a trail to follow. He finally stopped his car, ran from it and dove through a plate glass window of a nursing home. He was finally captured in back of the nursing home by the trash containers. $6,300 of his take was never recovered. John had been dubbed "Casper the Ghost" by the police. When he entered the bank his disguise was a sheet with two holes cut out for his eyes to see through.
Karen Lee Joachimmi, 20, was arrested in Lake City, Florida for robbery of a Howard Johnson's motel. She was armed with only an electric chain saw, which was not plugged in.
A man went into a drug store, pulled a gun, announced a robbery, and pulled a Hefty-bag face mask over his head--and realized that he'd forgotten to cut eyeholes in the mask.
In Long Island, New York a man waved down a car at 1:00 a.m for a ride home. The car stopped and let the man in. Once inside the man offered the two men in the car some crack cocaine if they took him home. The man did not notice the police radio in the front seat and the officers where in blue jeans and jackets. The jackets however did have the words "Suffolk County Police" imprinted on them in large white letters. The man got a ride, but not home.
In St. George, Utah, Steven Kemble was arrested shortly after committing his crime of shoplifting. Kemble had shoplifted a CD from a music store. A clerk grabbed him and held him while others called the police. Kemble broke free of the clerk's grasp and rushed out the door. As he ran out the door he ran directly into a pillar, knocking himself unconscious. The police arrived and arrested him.
