The online men I've met over 5 years have fallen into various categories, of which in contact, I'd had the philosophy that I'd only believe half of what I saw written on my screen, whether it be in a chat room, in an IM window, or even in an E mail. I was widowed 6 yrs back, and I needed to communicate with the outside world more, hence getting on line.
In chat rooms I was approached by various men, whom I kept at a distance emotionally. The same procedure worked with Instant Messages. Over the years I had men give me promises of a happier Life, which in reality was just their ploy to string a woman along. Then there was one man who regaled me with lurid tales of his boyhood, and activities he indulged in as a man, always seeking my compassion. Another man sent me 'flowery' notes, whilst yet another only wanted me to be interested in his volunteer work. I was argued with, cajoled, beseeched to get involved emotionally, but always there was a still small voice saying 'be careful'.
All these incidences went on for 4 yrs, and with the help of the former Fighting Back Newsletter, I was able to see the 'red flags' and react accordingly.
However, just before Sept 11th, the year of the World Trade Terrorist attack, my cousin had asked me about the chat rooms. She, being a novice to the on-line world, had ventured into one and found it very confusing. One Saturday, late afternoon, I sat down at my computer and showed her how to chose a chat room, enter, and join in the conversation. I chose a room from its title, explaining that although a public room, there was a possibility of chatting with like-aged people, and/or chat to people in the same circumstances of Life.
On that day, the chat room I chose only had two people listed, which didn't bode well to enjoy a lively conversation, but with showing my cousin how to start talking with a general greeting, both the listed names responded via an instant message.
I explained I was only in the room to show someone how to go about using the rooms. One of the persons listed took some time to respond and when he did, apologized for his tardiness because he was actually watching a football game on the Television at the same time.
That's a new line I thought to myself, but made the general greeting and then came out of the room.
Destiny stepped in at that very moment because the man who apologized decided to make note of my screen name, and the next morning in my mail box there was a note, again apologizing for not responding quickly to chat, but also asking if I would be interested in exchanging E mails.
I like writing personal E mails, so I decided I'd give this person a try. From that day, we exchanged a daily E mail, writing about what plans we had for the day. There was no overtures about meeting, just an exchange of personal anecdotes. There was no sexual innuendoes, just writing about mundane things. All very pleasant. We found we had much in common with our upbringing, our families, and our interests. All written down in E mails to be believed or not. The one thing I did NOT divulge was where I lived, or my telephone number. Just exchanging E mails led to instant messages if we were both on line, again just chatting about mundane things, like the weather, or our families. The man was a widower with a dog.
By November, I was asked if I would allow a phone call to be made, which I did. Just a half hour chat one Saturday evening. Again very pleasant conversation, very SLOWLY getting to know more details of each other.
Then came a request of where I lived. I declined to say although of course I knew if he wanted to find out, he could. The request was made in order for the man to send me a video he intended to make of his locality. He had a camcorder which he wanted to try out. Now was this a 'red flag'? I wondered. If I let him know my address, what would the content of the video be? The daily E mails and instant messages had been so consistent in their content of mundane matters, that I decided I would allow my address to be known in order to receive this video of the man's locality. It turned out to be genuine with the man ending the tour by sitting in front of his camcorder, just to say hope you enjoyed. He was just an ordinary man wearing a cloth cap and outdoor clothes. He had already given me his home address and telephone number, so in a subsequent E mail to thank him, and then another request to allow him to phone me, we then made a weekly time to phone each other.
This went on until early Dec. I had already told my new friend that I was going to America to stay with my daughter for a month, and a few days before my departure I was told that I would be missed on line. I was able to reassure him that I would still be able to exchange E mails and Instant Messages using my daughter''s computer. So there was a continuation of our new friendship at an even greater distance. Cards and small token gifts were exchanged over the Christmas period, as well as a Christmas Day phone call from me to him and some of his family who were gathered together in his home. I returned to England in the early days of January to know that my new friend, had ventured to think about selling his house to move somewhere else. No particular location, just a need on his part to relocate to ease the pain and suffering he was enduring with the demise of his wife. He had his property valued and was amazed at the market price which had spiraled in the 2 yrs he had lived there. So he immediately arranged for his property to be advertised for sale.
Thus it was through January, I helped him on line by sending him different property site links. He was looking in different areas, then one time he wrote me that he had looked at my local estate agents sites and had seen a property he thought he might like. He told me he had contacted the agents and arranged a viewing, and as it was in my locality would I consider us meeting? I knew that would mean a journeying time of 2 hrs. So I asked him if a total journey of 4 hrs traveling in one day would be too tiring, and if he felt comfortable about our meeting, I could arrange for him to stay overnight. He took my invitation to do so, and we met. He had his dog in tow, and that broke the ice.
Everything was conducted in the most gentlemanly way, and I felt comfortable in his presence. I had taken the precaution of telling my cousin and my neighbour that a strange man would be visiting me.
That particular property was not to his liking, so he went back to his home to await prospective buyers. Our daily E mails and Instant messages continued with the main topic being property buying and selling. The weekly phone calls continued.
The month of March arrived, and I was invited to make a visit to his home, being collected by car. During the five days of my visit, I was taken around the area, and helped my friend start to think about what small items he no longer needed. I suggested I could sell these items, so on my return the car was packed with bags of items. Thus the moving process had begun.
While I was there, my friend had a potential buyer who subsequently put in an offer which he accepted. That meant him buying another property was now a matter of urgency. He came visiting again to view more properties where I lived, having decided he liked the area. So it was in April he found a house he liked. I made a return visit to his home to help him pack, returning with pots of plants he wanted to have in his new garden. I was willing to have them in my garden to await the moving in day.
Since that day last May when he finally removed to his new home, we have been constant companions, but maintaining separate homes. I have met all but two of his grown up children, one being in Australia and the other in Scotland, but maybe one day meeting them will transpire. My friend has now become a Life companion, with plans to cohabitate. But we are still taking things very slowly. It takes time to iron out all the likes and dislikes with honest talking. My companion has met members of my immediate family, and enjoyed joining me to visit my daughter in America for a month. As we are both Seniors Citizens, and had long marriages with our demised spouses, we have been honest about not wanting to walk the road of Matrimony again. Destiny decreed that fateful afternoon on line that we would both find happiness with each other.
With honest talking over every issue that crops up, we tell each other what we find most comfortable to accept. In doing so, we have both found that cautiousness has paid off.
Most of all, we can laugh with pure joy again. Living in separate homes at the moment, just a mile apart. we both still send each other E mails, instant messages, and make phone calls.
The one thing I did tell him in the beginning was that its a Free Net, so we needed to trust each other's activities on line. That has worked out fine, with us each having people we contact. WE have now set up procedures to have the use of each others computer accounts, so no secrets there from each other.
I wasn't looking for another man when I first got on line, just needing to be in contact with the world of the Internet to fill in lonely hours. Neither was my companion. It worked for us. We are now living happily ever after.

To Love Again
©2000 / KAH258@aol.com

He spoke to me of trust
thru his words he healed my pain
A sorrow I thought would last forever
was healed by this honest, caring man.

He knew how cautious
I was with my heart
and with steps so soft and light
he gave back to me what once was lost
and allowed me to see the light.

With his tenderness and kindness
I've learned to love again
I regained my strength
Taken back my peace of mind
and found someone I can believe in.

When he whispers my name
I have no fears.
For I know with this man
my heart is safe.

I looked into his eyes and found the truth
that was there for me to see.
Thru the kind heart
of this one sweet man
he's given all this back to me.

~ website designed by Donna ~