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Hopefully it doesn't take a brick falling on your head to recognize a player before you get too involved with him. They normally are playing more than just you at the same time and they are slow to IM, jump offline as soon as you get on (probably changing screen names), make up stupid excuses when you know they are creatures of habit. Just be aware! Take your time in getting to know him! Jot down what he tells you, then ask him again a few days later something that pertains to what you've written down. Players may be unfeeling but they DO have ego's! Normally if you let yourself, you'll catch a player in excuses and lies. The best revenge is to NOT CARE ... be slow to IM him ~ let him think you're talking with someone else, put yourself in a private chat room (believe me, he'll check!), accidentally (on purpose) send him a wrong IM ~ he'll think you're talking intimately with someone else and could care less about him, leave his email a day or two without opening ~ mercy, men can't stand that! LOL Then eventually take him OFF your buddy list, block his IMs and emails, and TOS him if he begins to harass you under other names. You KNOW you're too good and special a person than to let someone HURT you this way, so don't let em! Anyone that uses the "L" word too soon...BIG SIGNAL!


I've been thinking about writing this for a while but also hoping I didn't need to. I won't go into all the deceiving details but I do want to warn other women. The man I will describe is a poisonous spider who weaves a masterful web of deception. He is so good at what he does that it took me 2 years of dating him to know the full extent of his dishonesty and manipulation. His name is Jerry and he lives in Louisville, KY. He travels Mon-Fri with his job, so he looks for women in cities he will be traveling to. Which means: women everywhere, beware of him! I look back at the last 2 yrs now and see how the red flags should have made me run, but he is so charming and can be so attentive when it suits him. He spoke of marriage often in subtle ways and then not so subtle. Talk of marriage is only a form of manipulation for him. He loves the Blues and plays the guitar as a hobby. Two things he has ALWAYS done is misspell pants as paints and orgasm as organism. I have loved this man like no other and still have strong feelings for him but I have found out all I need to know to let go and get on with my life. He makes excellent money so he can and will wine and dine you. He may fly you here and there, he's charming, good looking, intelligent and knows more about the way a woman thinks and feels than any man I've ever known. Ladies, beware -- he will convince you you're the only one, while he has a string of women across the country.



The "macho" characters who approach me with "6'2", 195 lbs, blond hair, blue eyes" get clicked off immediately!!! Why do I need to know what they look like in order to chat with them? And, of course, those idiots who need a picture first, before they will chat with you, are real losers! Exchanging pictures has become all the rage in the past few years ... the manufacturers of scanners are making a fortune! Those who rely on pictures are just as naive as those who rely on profiles! Some men will change their profiles on a daily basis, depending on their preferences of the day, as to age, location, hair color, occupation, etc. Remember, also, that one man can be 5 different people at the same time! I knew one who also used a feminine name and IM'd men with it!!! Sure, he was a sicko! I have one male friend who told me he received the same picture from 3 different women!! How do you women know if he isn't sending a picture he found in a new wallet or came in a 5 x 7 frame, etc.? There are thousands of such stories online.



I'd like to add my story. It's not just mine but also 6 other women's. His name is Glenn. He is from Milwaukee Wis and is married to a really great woman. He comes on to women with this lie of how bad his wife is ... and tells us women that he is single, or separated, or divorced, that he lives in an apartment ... BUT he lives with his wife and has 3 children. He talks so nicely, even sends flowers to our homes ... pays for the telephone bill if you are good at phone sex. He's so good at lying. His typing is slow, but not because he can't type ... it's because most of the time he is putting sweet nothings in your ear, he is saying the same thing to others. He will call you "angel" and he loves to be called "Teddy Bear" or "Rock". Beware of him ... he has broken so many hearts for years. His wife and I have tried finding these women and warning them. He hurts her ... and he has hurt my family a lot. He told my 6 yr. old he wanted to be his daddy, then I find out my children are not the only ones he's said that to. Watch out for him. He likes the BBW rooms ... big breasts are important to him. Having a 3~some is too. He also goes to Forties rooms. Beware of his lies.

I enjoy the insight found here so much. There are so many trusting people on line, it's scary. The stories are so close to home, so many woman I know enjoy conversation with other men; I include myself in this. We are not happy, our lives have grown apart from our partners. As in my case, we have different ideas as to how we want to live the rest of our lives, who and what is important to us. I have moved on and I would like to see more information on checking out these men: how to weed out the sincere and the losers. Being in the 45-50 age bracket, I find it difficult to meet men outside the home {don't go to bars}. I think I like the idea of getting to know someone on line first, find a common bond, and take it from there. I write down things said, look for lies, all the cautious things we should do. Sign me, "just trying to be cautious"

[ This type of help can be found in our: Players Bag of Tricks,
Unmasking the Players, Signs He's Already Taken ]

My daughter is married to a man she met on the internet and she is now considering divorce after a 5 month marriage. She had talked online with him for almost 3 years!!! This man has conned her out of money, maxed her credit cards out, had her sign for a corvette for him ... left the state with it ... it was finally repossessed. They never go anywhere. Her life consists of going to work to support him and coming home to him sitting on the couch watching TV. As another lady said, you really don't know anyone until you have lived with them.

The lothario who burned me good has an Indian-name type of screen name. He's from Michigan, like me. I met him in a 50s chat room and because he was an American Indian ... so he said ... I thought it would be neat to learn all about him. Well, he was married, but no big deal because we were just friends. But guess what his game plan was!!! To use me to cover up whom he was having an online affair with. Oh boy, did it ever work! He left my name all around his house while he was in Texas seeing this woman. His wife IM'd me and told me off big time. Then we compared notes and she now knows what an a**hole he is. I feel for his wife. He's a real user and a liar. He's still out there, under another screen name, so watch out for this worthless piece of crap.

This about a man who is hitting on every woman he can, the last was a friend of mine and I think he needs to be stopped! His MO is: lives in Massachusetts, Some he tells that he is married, 4 kids ...unhappy (arent they all?) 6'3", tells some he has one eye, others he don't. And some he tells he is not married but was for 10 years...no kids...wife had more ice than the Titanic. Says he is a coach, went to college and was a bigtime football star there, is a very bad speller ... went to college and to be a coach at a high school you would think he just might have had to know how to spell, right?
He likes to cyber but will say "well it is all up to you, want to try it with me?" and launch into the routine very quickly. All ladies seem to be his "cup of tea". No one is excluded from his so-called charms. Writes many times a day to say how he loves them, wants to come to where they are, never mentions coming to visit him (sign of being married, right?).

I have really enjoyed the Fighting Back site. Very valuable. Aptly named. A lot to think about. I am always amazed at how gullible we women can be. It is really important for us to be able to recognize a sociopath and to steer clear, or better yet, to run away as far and as fast as we can. They can be dangerous to your person if not your heart. And not to think that they can be "reformed" as it has never been done, even by the most talented of shrinks. The obvious ones are in jail. The cleverest and perhaps the most dangerous ones are still at large. Watch for a lack of empathy and lack of conscience which we mistake for "manliness". The key for women (and men who get used, too) is to develop one's own sense of self and not cave in to "loneliness". It can lead to dangerous vulnerability.

TWO WOMEN / SAME LOTHARIO

Says his real first name is Alan and he's supposedly from Sparta, Michigan. Claims to be in the middle of getting a divorce. Claims he sings at clubs for enjoyment and extra money. Will tell you he's 39 and holding ... but I found out he adjusts his age according to whom he is pursuing. He gets younger if you're younger but usually says "and holding" after his age.
His sob story: his wife left him for another man ; she turned all his children against him. His MO: when he first meets you, he comes across so naive and computer dumb but you soon learn it's all BS. He will send you 15 to 20 emails a day after you first meet ... all mush stuff ... a rose for every day you know each other. He also will start sending you songs of himself singing. If he feels you're drifting away from him, he'll send you the song: "If I Were You, I'd Fall In Love With Me".
He really appears to be a nice guy, not a player. But, I was lucky enough to, first of all, not be in the position to meet him and secondly, have the good fortunate of someone running into another woman he was wooing at the same time he was me. I was in the position to call him a couple of times and that also should have sent me running ... it did ring warning bells in my head that is for sure, but I gave him the benefit of a doubt. For one thing, he can't hold a conversation on phone at all . And then he tried phonesex the 3rd call. Now I am not judging anyone who does this, but I have had other friendships here and this never happened to me. So that was a big warning bell. I didn't talk to him for over a week online and never called him again. He apologized so much, I felt "okay, give him a break", but when I told him I couldn't call him again, he started up with another woman never telling her he was involved with me and basically using the same "MO" on her, down to the songs and all. How he was caught was: he joined an online club that my girlfriend was in. My girlfriend welcomed him and the woman that came in with him into the club. My girlfriend then wrote her and asked her how she knew him and she told her. So the rest is history. We both dumped him on the spot.
Reason I am writing this is to warn others cause he used same "MO" with both her and me, and after speaking with her we came to conclusion there was more than just the two of us. Also, he had meet other women in past and supposedly they dumped him. I don't think that is the case, I think he met and dumped them. As hurt as I was and as foolish as I felt, I consider myself as probably one of his lucky ones ... cause, to be honest, if I was in the position to meet him I probably would have because I fell for his bull. So I am writing this to try and spare someone else who might be in the position to meet him. He is "Bad News"... a real "Wolf in Sheep's Clothing".

~*~*~*~*~*~

Hi. I'm from Massachusetts and I was also played by this Alan from Sparta, Michigan. I have tapes of him singing, phone number, cell number, and home address. He would call me 3 times a day, even from his doctor's office ... said he has bad allergies and needs to get shots. He even flew out to see me. He was supposed to stay for a week but stayed for only 2 days. He told me he had a message on his cell phone that his daughter was rushed to hospital for appendicitis and he had to leave right away. He called and changed his flight, and I never heard from him again. He's a sick man to use his children like that in his games. This man is real good ... must have a lot of money to waste. He paid for the calls, his air fare here, and dinner at the casino.

I had an online cyber affair that moved offline after about 2 years or so of daily chatting online for hours on end...I thought I knew this person more than anyone else on this earth.
My online thing that moved offline, whatever is was. Looking at back at it now, I don't know how it even happened or what really happened, except for that it WASNT reality even offline. I have never felt so insecure and used in my entire life as I did when we were living together. I was a total emotional rollercoaster during that time, something,which I have never been in my entire life. Those gut feelings people...listen to them, they don't lie!!!
Except for the fact that Mr.Online Wonderful ended up moving in with me, and I got stuck with all the living expenses, including a couple of his separated wives' car payments and new false teeth for him. I coached and trained him at home for a new career. So he came out real good, a new career, free housing for about 13 months, a couple car payments paid for him and new teeth. He did pay for us to go out to eat most of the time that we went out...one time to an expensive place and the bank declined his debit card, I paid for it and he never repaid me or mentioned it again. I wonder if he planned it that way looking back on it now. Con People. lol.. What goes around comes around, and be careful what you wish for, it might just come true.
I wouldn't doubt it if he wasn't messing with me, his wife, and another lady all at the same time and avoiding any housing or living costs except his cellphone lol and using us all to his advantage. This man could lie to you looking you right in the eyes and never flinch, and turn it around on you. lol What a piece of work, A Real Charmer... He's the Loser, I'm the lucky one, the leach is gone finally.
Live and Learn...and don't forget what you've learned. :-)

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