Special Events
New Year's Eve 2002
It was a New Year's Eve like any other. Anticipation was increasing for the new year which marked another step for APS Bowling and the world at large. As the year came to an end, we reflect on the events which occured the past 364 days. It was a year like any other. George Bush, still in power after his third year, threatened to bomb Iraq and The Democratic People's Republic of Korea, the Raelian movement successfully cloned a human being, Team APS dominated the bowling world, and as usual, some of our beloved celebrities slipped into the sweet clutches of death's gentle touch. This included the lead of singer of The Cult, Osama Bin Laden's deputy Mohammed Atef, and countless others. But on this New Year's Eve another prominent life was lost. A life not so recognized by the media or the bowling community in specific, but a human being nontheless. The man who died was not a rich man, nor did he attempt to change the world in any way whatsoever. He was a simple man with simple values. He enjoyed life's finer points. Born in 1986 to a loving traditional Jewish family, he was the second son of Mark and wife. His earlier years are unknown to the public, but we know that he liked to beat off a lot. Masturbating became an intoxicating way to release the stress of everyday life. As the years passed and the child became a young adult, he masturbated on a more regular bases, until his penis became shriveled and neglegable. In fact, one night after masturbating excesively, the flow of blood was cut off to his penis, and his parents cut off his testicles. But that won't be a problem anymore, for Stephen "The Enforcer" Litvack's New Year's celebration came to an ubrupt end. Due to JIM's careless and inconsiderate eating habits, The Enforcer now finds his home six feet underground. As the new year was only ten seconds away, JIM whipped out a Snickers bar, opened it, took a bite, maybe not knowing the full extent of The Enforcer's fatal penut allergy, and The Enforcer dropped to the ground like a bowling ball flowing down the alley. JIM was available for contact shortly after, and described the experience. "I would never do anything to Stephen, I was just very hungry," he said. It is very possible that if the wrapper on the Snicker's was never pierced by the Team APS high scorer, The Enforcer might still be here with us today. As The Enforcer kneald, inhaling his final molecule of oxygen, he said "Do it for me, Team APS. Be the best bowling team in the world." With those words, The Enforcer was no more. But the New Year's party had just begun. With their prime opponent out of the picture, Team APS has a clear road ahead of them to the championship.
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Alex "The Rocket" Minkin's 16th Birthday
New Year's Eve 2002
Alex "The Rocket" Minkin's 16th Birthday
Most true fans of Team APS already know, but just to inform the general public, Alex "The Rocket" Minkin celebrated the 16th anniversary of his birth on Wednesday, November 13th, 2002. "I feel more like a man, and conversely, less of a kid," said Alex, on the momentous occasion. A reporter at the scene noted that, "Alex really matured over the past 24 hours. I'm impressed with his new age and wish him luck in the future-- like he needs it!" Agreed.
As part of the celebration, team APS captain and good looking person Aaron "The Baron" Blatt presented the Rocket with an extremely special, (and of course good looking) birthday card. Although it was just scribbles on a piece of paper, it symbolized the friendship that they have had for most of their lives, inside and outside of the bowling alley. With expressed written consent, we are proud to present the following excepts from The Baron's birthday gift to The Rocket:
This is the first part of the card, which includes an illustration and description of said bowler.
Here is a cartoon which represents a day in the life of the Team APS frontman.
Finally, the card concludes an extremely rare type of message coming from The Baron-- a message from the heart with emotion and affection. The Baron tends to steer clear of these type of messages because combined with his ridiculous good looks, they tend to send people unconscious, but he felt that The Rocket could handle it.
Shortly after receiving the good looking card, Alex "The Rocket" Minkin and some of his best friends attended a party in his honor.
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