RH: Folks, an honor it is today to be graced with the presence of none other than Mr. Execution, one of EWA’s and PXW’s funniest wrestlers ever!
Ex: Ummmm….. thank you…
RH: Now Mr. Ex, one thing, everyone wants to know… do you yourself even have the slightest clue how utterly hilarious you are to watch in action?
Ex: WHAT?! What’s that supposed to mean?!
Ex jumps up to attack Head, but collects himself and sits back down, breathing quite heavily and angrily now…
RH: Ex, Ex my man… you’re gonna hafta deal with some questions like this! Don’t go blowing your top everytime I say something that sounds offensive ok?
Ex: Ummmm… ok…
RH: So Ex, there is no offense meant by this, but the things you do are sometimes really funny… don’t you agree?
Ex: NO! Everything I do is completely serious, and is to psyche my opponents out! Haven’t you seen how scared they are when I mosh out there, and then snap and beat them with their own limbs?
RH: Uh… I guess so…
Ex: Exactly! No humor about it, I scare ‘em to death!
RH: Well according to Psycohol, you are his favorite wrestler to watch, because he thinks of you as one big joke…
Ex rises out of his seat, raising his fist in the air, and menacingly shaking it…
Ex: WHAT?! HE DOES?! I’ll Kill Him next time I see him!
RH: Haha, ok Ex… calm down now… ok, so we have seen somewhat recently that you are not fond of jokes?
Ex: No! I Hate them!
RH: Is there a story behind them or are you just playing a role?
Ex: A Role? I never play any role!!! I am who I am and I’m Execution the Sailor Man!
RH: Oh… yah, that’s a new one… but really, what is this reason that you hafta snap and destroy anyone that tells you a joke?
Ex: Well it all happened back in Violence, USA when I was a little boy… you see, I was trying to get a date with Bessy Sue to the Annual 4th Grade Spring Ho-down… I thought she liked me man! I really did!
RH: Uh-huh…
Ex: And then like when I asked, she said, “What’s the difference between you and a kid with a Lollypop?”
RH: And what was the answer…?
Ex: She said, “You both suck, but you Execution, you smell!”
Mr. Ex begins to break down crying and losing his composure…
RH: Oooooohhh…. That’s a harsh one! No wonder you hate all jokes…
Ex: Yah… sniff sniff That’s it!
Ex regaining composure…
RH: So it was a ho-down? As in country jamboree or something?
Ex: Yah! After that, I hated all country music and everything that wasn’t Ultra-violent!!! Disintegrate You Bastards!!!
RH: That’s right Bessy Sue! See where this guy is now! He’s a big star, a former World Champion! What were you thinking!
Ex: Yah! What were you thinking!
RH: So Ex… can I tell you a joke?
Ex: NO!
RH: Haha, ok, just kidding… anyways besides this joke thing, and the comedy so many see in you, you have also the Backyard star to have made the most improvement throughout your career… tell us how you started, and how this huge improvement happened…
Ex: Well, I started out wrestling in Japan… I did ok, but I received an exclusive contract for the PXW, an up and coming Fed over here in the States… so I decided to jump on… and well, as you know I did not do too well there… so I also joined the EWA, a Fed nearby to the PXW. So I could wrestle in both…
RH: Yup…
Ex: And I was losing a lot for awhile, mostly because everyone else was cheating so much, but I won’t bring that up… so finally in December ’01, I defeated Lumberjack, which was I think the start to something big… soon I went on a tear in the EWA, beating WMX, and then consecutively beating Natas, Drakon, and Psycohol… not to mention a recent win over Psykadelik back in the PXW…
RH: What do you believe to be the main factor behind this?
Ex: Well… the jokes I guess… but I beat WMX without them! Ha!!! I’m a star now, why even question it!
RH: Well, I mean you were a Jobber, losing most all of your matches, you were in rank with Face and the Janitor… but now you’ve won multiple World Titles and you’re a star, which neither of them could do… can’t you explain a little more?
Ex: No! You callin’ me a Jobber insults my intelligence!
RH: No… actually your wrestling skill… but speaking of your intelligence…
Ex jumps up, pushing the table away! Head jumps back against the wall! Ex points at him…
Ex: If you’re going to say something, Say it Behind My Back!!!
Ex sits back down, and Head eases back into his chair…
RH: Ok, ok big guy… but anyways, just beating all the top Superstars in a row like you did… how does that feel?
Ex: I feel like I’m King of the Galaxy! I have beaten the best, now I am the best! I am like Lex Luger! I am the Total Package!
RH: Oh… like Lex Luger hehe… good comparison…
Ex: I know, he was one of my idols growing up…
RH: Oh, no wonder you turned out to be such a winner!
Ex: Ha! I know! That’s my secret right there!
RH: I see…Now do you remember your debut match in the PXW against Psykadelik?
Ex: Yes… do NOT bring up the fact that I lost!
RH: Oh of course not… but the fact that you wore a Halloween plastic vampire cape out to the yard… did you uh think that was going to help you or something? Or was it just for the look?
Ex: What are you getting at?!
RH: Well as we all know, you sort of suffocated on that cape after the match, as Psycometer was throwing around… can you describe to us how it feels to suffocate?
Ex: **** YOU HEAD!!! YOU DIE NOW!!!
A chase around the room follows, until both men tire and sit in opposite corners… breathing heavily…
RH: So Ex… how’d it feel?
Ex: Grrrrrrr…. It felt bad ok! I couldn’t breath, and had to rip it off my face! And never wear it again! Are you happy now?! Huh?! And Psycometer… I never got my hands on him, but if I see him again ever, I will beat him like he was a girl!
RH: Are you saying that you beat girls?
Ex: Yes! I mean…
RH: Yes?!
Ex: No! I mean No!!!!!! Shaddup!!! You’re all out to get me!!!!
RH: Haha, ok calm down again… I’m not here to Interrogate you!
Ex: Sure sounds like you are…
RH: Yah, well don’t think of it that way… so off that subject… which do you prefer, the PXW or EWA?
Ex: Ummm… I have more wins in the EWA, and there’s more guys to kick around, so EWA!
RH: Ok… and about your mosh… you claim that Psycohol stole it?
Ex: Yes, that damn little Rat B@$t@rd!!! I will gut him of his kidneys for that someday! I don’t believe he’s still copying me after all these years!
RH: How do we know it’s not you copying him?! We’ve seen him do it earlier than you…
Ex: Ummm… well, because he was watching my old tapes from Japan, and it gave him the idea…
RH: Oh… yah your Japan tapes… so you wrestled in Japan huh? What name you go under?
Ex: Ultimo Dragon…
RH: Oh, you were famous… I’ve heard of you…
Ex: Yah! I was him!
RH: Sure you were… I don’t remember Ultimo Dragon moshing…
Ex: Well…
RH: Or sucking so much!
Ex: DEAD HEAD!!!! Ex calms himself this time… Calm down Ex… you don’t want to do this… you don’t want to do this… Commish will sue…
RH: Good dog…
Ex: Hey! Don’t bring that up!
RH: What, you playing dead for Drakon to lose a Title Match?
Ex: Exactly! Don’t bring it up!
RH: Ok… what about Natas… I know you and him have never seen eye to eye… he stole your Dark Lord of Hell gimmick?
Ex: Gimmick for him… for me it was the truth!
RH: And are ya sure you didn’t just wanna steal it from him, being that he was around long before you… or did he watch your Japan tapes too?
Ex: Yes… he did…
RH: Ok Ultimo…. Hehe…
Ex: What’re you laughing at?
RH: Nothing… just thinking of monkeys in hot air balloons…
Ex: Hahahaha… that is funny…
RH: Yah, I know… but thinking back to your mosh, you also have a signature song with a catchphrase that says what…?
In full passion and emotion, Ex yells:
Ex: DISINTEGRATE YOU BASTARDS!!!!!
RH: Hahaha!!! We love that! And a lot of people have several theme songs throughout their careers, but you… you’ve stuck with just 2 versions of that same song… why is it so important to you?
Ex: Because they both say, “DISINTEGRATE YOU BASTARDS!!!
RH: Oh I see… so you’re all about disintegrating and killing I see… this goes back to Bessy Sue right?
Ex: Yah…
RH: So what are some of your favorite bands?
Ex: Slayer of course… and Pantera, Cannibal Corpse, Six Feet Under, and anything that rocks or talks about slaying people…
RH: Oh man, you sure are a character Ex… somebody that only wants to kill turns out to be such a funny and harmless guy…
Ex: What was that?!
RH: Oh, I said such a ruthless and harmful guy…
Ex: Oh… ok…
RH: And you claim that the skull on your entire head is a tattoo… not a mask?
Ex: Yes…
RH: Well for years, we all presumed it to be a mask… because ya know if it really was a tattoo, you’d still see all the regular features, like a nose with nostrils, and an opening and closing mouth… you seems to talk while keeping your face completely still, and your eyes, would even have to be tattooed… it’s just all sure signs of…
Ex: Of what?! What are you trying to say?!
RH: Oh nothing Ex… I mean, we’ve even see other people where a mask, that happens to looks exactly like your “tattoo”… having claimed to have stolen it from you…
Ex: Well it’s not a mask! It’s a tattoo! A new kind of tattoo, yah… one that covers all of your human features… I didn’t want to be part of your race so uh… I had this done yah…
RH: Alright folks, he says it’s not a mask, so I guess we’ll believe you… speaking of skull-face gimmicks… yet another Mr. Execution copycat, Mr. Skullface has just appeared… does everyone want to be like you Ex?
Ex: Why wouldn’t they?! Psycohol then Natas and now Mr. Skullface! I’ll take them all down!
RH: And one more thing… rumor in the back has it… and just from watching the footage, it looks like you, Mr. Execution have a little crush on Shortcakes?
Ex: What?! Who told you that?!
RH: Oh, well I think it’s quite obvious from the footage where you ask her out more than once, and try to hug her…
Ex: What?! No way!!!
RH: Yes way Ex!!! Do you want to date her?
Ex: Ummm… YES!!!! So what!!!!
RH: Well one thing… she’s married to Wolfman X!
Ex: Yah… I beat him once!!! I can take him!
RH: Sure, but he beat you like 10 times… I don’t think you’re gonna be getting’ any Shortcakes anytime soon…
Ex: Dammit you’re right!
RH: So ya better find yourself another woman…
Ex: I will!
RH: So onto the short answer part… who is your most hated enemy? Give a PXW and EWA answer…
Ex: Ummm… Psykadelik because he wants to be the Rock…. And Natas, because I hate him sooooooo much!!!!!!
RH: Ok… how about a best friend?
Ex: I don’t have friends… I liked to think that Wolfman was once a friend, but that turned sour quick…
RH: How about a best match?
Ex: All my matches are the bomb! But to choose one… I’d say when I kicked Natas’ arse all over Lumberjack’s cabin area to win my first EWA World Title!!!
RH: That was a good one… Do you have a toughest opponent?
Ex: Yah! Your mom Head!!! Hahahahahahaha!!!!!
RH: Oh… ha ha very funny Ex… seriously?
Ex: No way… nobody’s tough! I kick all their arses!
RH: What’s your favorite move to use?
Ex: The Piledriver… and that new flippy move I’ve been doing!
RH: Piledriver huh… I’ve seen Psycohol deliver more devastating Piledrivers than you!
Ex: You better watch what you say little man! So he is trying to copy something else huh? Well he’ll get his…
RH: Any big injuries you sustain?
Ex: Well I took a good fall on a shopping cart once, and cut my thumb open real bad… but nothing too serious!
RH: So how many mosh styles do you know?
Ex: Oh you will soon find out when we return!!! Oh Ho!
RH: Return… yes, when is that set to happen?
Ex: No idea…
RH: Because the last time we saw you, you were wearing a Mexican Luchador mask, and that’s not the way we wanna see you in your last match… but why were you wearing that mask again… because you FORGOT YOUR SKULL MASK?!
Ex: NO! Ummm… the skull’s a tattoo, so uuuhhhh…. I just had my face messed up from a…. a bad car wreck, yah… and I didn’t want to expose it for a few weeks you know… so I uh had to wear that mask over my tattoo… but you know… I will be back with my regular skull-look as soon as possible!
RH: Ok, one more question… how many of the wrestlers have slept with your mom?
Ex: Aha! You think that I would be offended and attack you for this question right? Well No!!! The answer is seven!
RH: Seven wrestlers have slept with your mom! Wow! Can you give any names?
Ex: Sure… Natas, Drakon, Ninja, The Janitor, Pumpkinhead, and Face…
RH: Hahahahahahahahaha!!!!!!!! But that’s only 6… who’s the other guy who slept with her?
Ex: ………….Me………………
RH: BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAAA!!!!!!!!!!
Ex: SHADDUP!!!!!!
RH: I really don’t know how I can finish this interview knowing this!!! Hahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!!
Ex: Urgh… RRRRrarararaRRArARARRARARararRARRAARARRRR!!!!!!
Mr. Ex hops across the room, tackling Head into the corner, choking the life out of him! Finally when Head seems ready for death, Ex let’s go…
Ex: Now finish the goddam interview!
RH: Ok ok… man oh man… let’s do name association… I say a name, tell me what you think of that person in a couple words…
Ex: Ok…
RH: Face…
Ex: Piece of Trash
RH: Psykadelik
Ex: Wannabe
RH: Janitor
Ex: Loser for Life
RH: Wolfman X
Ex: Much too Overrated
RH: Natas
Ex: Copycat
RH: Lumberjack
Ex: Nobody without me
RH: Psycohol
Ex: Another Copycat
RH: Mr. Skullface
Ex: Why do you even ask, if he’s another copycat?!
RH: Ok, last one… Drakon
Ex: Moron
RH: Ok, well it was nice talking to you… and very very interesting… I’m sure the people out there will really dig this interview…
Ex: I’m sure they will! They love me!
RH: Oh yeah they do… but one more question for you…
Ex: Yes?
RH: This directly relates to you my man…
Ex: Good, shoot…
RH: Ok, Why was the Skeleton so cool?
Ex: …………………………………………………... I dunno……... why?
RH: Because he was Bad to the Bone!!!
Ex: What?! Was that a joke?! AAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!
Ex jumps on Head and beats him into the ground with a series of fists! He gets up and jumps, Splashing Head into the floor! More fists!!! Head lays there unconscious as Ex gets back up and exits the room saying:
Ex: DISINTEGRATE YOU BASTARDS!!!!!!!!