WHEN I WAS 2 YEARS OLD MY FATHER DIED AT THE AGE 27.HE LEFT ME, MY 1 YEAR OLD BROTHER,AND MY MOTHER..
WHEN I WAS 16,I GOT INTO DRINKING, AND OTHER BAD STUFF..MY LIFE WAS HEADING DOWN HILL..I STARTED GETTING FEELINGS THAT SCARED ME, I FELT MY FATHER WHOM I REALLY NEVER KNEW.I DID NOT HEAR A VOICE, OR SEE ANYTHING, I JUST FELT HIM, USUALLY AT NIGHT WHEN I WAS ALONE.I WAS SO AFRAID,I TOLD HIM OUTLOUD TO GO AWAY.
LITTLE TIME PASSED,AND MY MOTHER GOT A PHONE CALL.IT WAS PEGGY, MY FIRST COUSIN,ON MY FATHERS SIDE.. WHO LIVED IN ANOTHER STATE, SHE WENT ON TO TELL MY MOM THAT SOMETHING WEIRD WAS HAPPENING TO HER.SHE SAID MY FATHER CAME TO HER AND BRUSHED HER HAIR BACK AND SAID, "I HAVE TRIED TO TALK TO MY BABY,SHE WONT STOP BLOCKING ME OUT". HE WENT ON TO SAY, "I AM WORRIED ABOUT HER" ..AND MY COUSIN PEGGY, NOT KNOWING THE TROUBLE I WAS IN, WAS BAFFLED AND ALSO SCARED..
I WAS ALSO SCARED AND CONFUSED
UNTIL, MY YOUNGER BROTHER WAS BEING A PILL,HE LIVED IN KANSAS AND I LIVED IN NEVADA. I LOVED HIM WITH MY WHOLE HEART, HE WAS LIKE A TWIN,WE WERE ONLY A YEAR APART.BUT HIS LIFE WAS OUT OF CONTROL, HE ONLY CALLED WHEN HE NEEDED MONEY OR A PLANE TICKET.I GOT SO SICK OF OF IT AND TOLD HIM NOT TO CALL ME AGAIN, UNTIL HE GREW UP..WELL HE CALLED A WEEK LATER AND I TOLD HIM TO GET LOST.
A YEAR HAD PASSED, NO WORD FROM MY BROTHER..WELL THE FEELING CAME BACK, AND STRONG! IT WAS MY FATHER, AGAIN I DID NOT SEE HIM OR HEAR HIM, I FELT HIM!! THE FEELING WAS TO CONTACT FAMILY, BUT I BEGGED HIM TO GO AWAY, HE WOULD NOT. MY LAMP WOULD FLICKER WHEN I GOT THESE FEELINGS..I THOUGHT I WAS HAVING A NERVOUS BREAKDOWN.
SO I CALLED MY FATHERS FATHER, MY GRANDPA.I TOLD HIM WHAT WAS GOING ON WITH ME..HE CLAIMED IT RAN IN THE FAMILY..HE CALLED IT A GIFT AND HE NAMED IT...KNOWING..JUST KNOWING..I DID NOT BELIEVE, AND THOUGHT THE WHOLE IDEA WAS CRAZY...
I CONTINUED TO HAVE THE FEELING, BUT I IGNORED IT, AND DID NOT WANT TO BE ALONE!!!THE FEELING WAS ALWAYS THE SAME, CONTACT FAMILY!!!! WELL A MONTH OR SO WENT BYE AND I STILL REFUSED TO BELIEVE.
I GOT A PHONE CALL 2:00AM..IT WAS MY
AUNT IN
KANSAS, SHE
HAD HORRIBLE NEWS.MY BROTHER WAS KILLED IN A
CAR
WRECK.
THAT DAY THE FEELING LEFT, I KNEW THEN WHY MY
FATHER
HAD
COME TO ME...HE WAS WARNING ME.. I BEGGED MY
BROTHER
TO COME
TO ME.OUTLOUD AND IN MY HEAD, I BEGGED!!!! I
THEN HAD
A
DREAM, I WAS WALKING UP SOME STAIRS, IT WAS
MY LONG
GONE
GREAT-GRANDMOTHERS HOUSE, IN HER ROCKING
CHAIR, WAS
MY
BROTHER..HE HAD MY DAUGHTERS ON HIS LAP, AND
MY SON
WAS AT
HIS FEET.THEY WERE PLAYING..MY BROTHER LOOKED
UP AT
ME AND
SAID JUST TWO WORDS,"IT'S OKAY." IN MY DREAM
I
REMEMBER HIS BROWN EYES LOOKING HAPPY.. HIS
SMILE
WARMED ME, LIKE A BIG BEAR HUG
THE GUILT LEFT ME...BUT NOT A DAY COMES
WITHOUT ME
MISSING MY BROTHER, TROY LYNN
GREY...1969-1995
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