contact me! kissthefuture61@yahoo.com

well.. im not sure what jenny's talking about, but here is goes

this is my day, you'll get the idea of my society on a day to day basis.. or something:

well, i wake up everyday to another droning song that they play over and over on 101.1 x fm... i have my alarm set for 6:30 am, but i usually just keep hitting sleep until 7ish, although i know i should get up earlier.. you know so i can beautify myself even more. So i get out of bed at 7.. which leaves me 35 minutes to get ready for school, i quickly piss, and run to the shower. In the shower i think about how i cant believe i have to face school for yet another day.. i take my time in the shower, because it seems to calm me down a lot, and warm me up, since im always cold. so as i get out of the shower, and i run .. the biggest decision of the morning is, what cd to listen to while i get ready, i cant not listen to music in the morning.. so i brush my teeth, get dressed, run a little gel through my hair, apply my makeup that doesnt even match, usually greenish eyeshadow, sometimes greyish black.. depends on how im feeling

so its 7:35, and im running my tired ass out the door with books falling and my shoes are just barely on... i get into my friend darcys car, where i greet her and lessia .. usually some sort of loud song, my favourite is chop suey by system of a down blaring.. i cant even talk to them in the mornings because the music is so damn loud.. so i just sit quietly in the back.. which seems to me to be the rest of my day

i slowly drag myself up the stairs and turn the corner to meet a few of my other friends at our lockers, we head to class and sit.. sit and sit some more

i look up only to notice blonde bitch staring at me.. as i look at her with my hair messed up and all over my face, she looks away as quickly as possible, and pretends she is looking at the cieiling.. im surprised she even saw my eyes with the insane amounts of hair that hung over my eyes.

off to french where i get to not pay attention and maybe stare at jenny for a solid 10 minutes until she notices and stares back at me.. thats all i remember about french

in the hallway i walk by a girl.. she says "ew" to her friend.. thinking she's all big and tough

as i stand at my boyfriends locker, we notice that we have all worn all black today.. just by an accident yet another person stops and asks us where the colour is.. i just look back blankley at her..

after fighting with my b/f for a while.. i proceed to the rat packed cafeteria to do whatever homework i managed to not do the night before.. as i sit in the cafeteria.. i hear most of these words. "fag, homo queer, freak" not directed toward me..but you get the idea of the range of vocabulary most of the kids in my school have.. i sit there cringing as i contemplate whether to correct their grammer, damn these hicks using double negatives and going "a hyuk hyuk" as they see a donkey run across the fucking 350m track.. the track isnt even to proper standard size. (our school is shit)

the cafeteria is the worst part of school.. its a small room with about 300 kids in it.. who sit too closely and stare stare stare and listen listen listen if you arent "cool enough" you dont go to the cafeteria.. you'll probably die there if you dont fit in.. but mostly everyone i knows blends.. so its okay to go there.. just not every day..

i ate in the cafeteria for 3 years straight almost.. and it really got the best of me,, nnot only did i hate school, i hated lunch, because of the insane amounts of fucks who eat there and stare.

class for the rest of the day.. more idiots

go home and waste the rest of my night on the internet and icq, just having mindless chit chat converstations with mindless chit chat fucking retards.. yae

im a negative creep im a negative creep im a negative creep and im stoned

i guess i'll leave the rest about school for the school section.. i tend to blabber on too much

anyway. as you can kinda tell from what i wrote about my day from 6:30-2:10 or so most of the people around here are pretty closed minded, whether they be 8, 18, or 88.. for the most part, they're pretty closed minded

every once in a while i'll work up enough courage to wear like a black shirt with black pants.. just because i like plain colours.. not because im trying to be bad, or a goth or anything.. i just like plain colours.. i hate like bright pink and all that s hit. yugh.. anyway.. and then when i do wear that.. i get bitched at by FUCKING RETARD HICKS who just think they're so great wearing their gap sweaters and their club monaco tight ass pants when they have huge asses.. (jenny can you tell who im talking about?? heh) .. dont fucking bitch at me you closed minded BITCH.. thats all i have to say

im gonna tell you more about my society.. flat out . im im a bad mood.. har har har

well.. my society.. incase you havent quite figured it out yet.. i live in a small, white suburban town near canada's capital, ottawa. now in my town i'd say the population is about 9000.. not really small, but small enough..

i've lived here since i was 4 years old.. my parents decided for some crazy reason it would be better to move hear from .. well pretty much we lived in otttawa. if i could have seen into the future before we moved i would have killed myself in that moving truck..

things here dont really change much, the only thing i have reallly seen emerging over time is the amount of kids that just hang out on the street corners.. occasionally thats me, what most people dont realize is .. these kids arent just hanging out.. the corner of pizza pizza is the drug capital of the town, i used to be naive like that too.. joking about the corner kids, but now i understand that theres no other escape from this town than drugs.. and when you're on that corner, you feel like you dont live in white suburbia anymore..

i've had mostly the same friends since i moved here really, and nothing has changed, looking back to my old elementary schools.. if you went back 10 years the only difference would be the style of hair .. all the kids grow up pretty much the same

now in my school, there are pretty much 2 types of people : every day run of the mill people
the popular people with nice cars.. that cheerlead and are the lead quarterbacks.. kinda like a bad tv movie
and other people who are classified as.. well.. corner kids.. druggies and etc.
im not sure where i stand in that.. i can be a little bit of eaach..

as for being extremely different and out of the ordinary.. well it just doesnt happen.. it just doesnt . if you're kind of different, you'll get harrassed and made fun of and etc, but for the most part, no one is extremely out of the ordinary.. just a litttle bit different given the frame of reference most of us in this town have only known.. half of the people cant experience anything but a white suburban life

pretty much in the town you're of a rich working class family.. or a not so rich family.. that trys to get by i dont really know how to word that. but you get the idea.. nothings really fair here.. everyone is quite closed minded, they believe what the believe without experiencing any sort of other cultures or ideas to know that maybe this town is quite corrupt..i actually feel sorry for most of the suckers here.. they dont really have a clue.. especially the old people that have lived here for like.. 80 years... old people are .. strange.. heheh.. i guess thats kinda discriminating eh?.. well i dunno.. not strange, ,i get where they're coming from

i need an apple cider..

oh yeah, theres lots of fast food places around here to
a) support tourism (nice idea eh?)
b) support all the lazy asses who had a craving for a damn bacon double cheeseburger king sized..

I FINALLY FIGURED OUT WHAT IM SUPPOSED TO BE DOING HERE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

every day we see eachother.. and every day we tell others about just how much we hate one another. we look at eachother like the sight of one another makes us want to puke, and so we go, and puke.. we know eachothers secrets , without ever saying a word to one another. i look into their deep sunken eyes and i see the truth, and i long to be them, and i long to hate them. we seek out eachothers advice. in them we search for something to say, some comfort, or just a friend who knows what its like, yet, we never say a word to one another. with one girl i smile , with another i make senseless chit chat, and with another, i hate from afar. buttttttttttt.. then here i am, thinking about their secrets, and how i wish i could be them, and then i question in my head, "am i them?" from the knowing smiles, and the knowing hatred between us.. i must be.. am i?
this society is so secret, im not even sure that it exists, or if im a part of it, or if its just in my head. the one girl, she smiles at me knowingly, it must be .. it must be. this is my secret society.. whats yours?