Marksy was deputised to toss, on an Old Habs pitch that had yielded 400 runs the day before for the loss of only four wickets. And, to general surprise, he won, although there was no surprise when he asked the H&C captain if his team wouldn’t mind so much as to have the first innings.

Progress was at first slow, with Flossy and Wisey (back from safari) opening up, but with little response from the pitch. Flossy removed the more clingy opener with a glimpse of what was to come, but H&C moved on to a respectable 50-1 before the roof caved in. Suddenly, Flossy got going, and continued his storming form with another barrowful of wickets. One over went: wicket, four byes, wicket, dropped, wicket, dropped, and off the first ball of the next over, there was a wicket as well! His final figures were 6-27, bowling unchanged from the bottom end. Career Best! Steven Savage and Wisey chipped in with two wickets each, and Chas was not called upon to bowl, especially because he arrived late. Segal took a catch close in, but most of Flossy’s victims were bowled.

Marksy and Shorty opened the batting, with about half an hour to go before tea. This turned out to be fifty minutes, as tea was postponed until the end of the match once it was realised that Chas was in the mood to finish the game. Coming in after the demise of Marksy, his 59* was scored in rapid time, and rather eclipsed the solid 28* which Shorty accumulated. The match ended before five o’clock, at which point all bar one of the H&C team toddled off home, leaving FZY to enjoy a relaxed tea, safe in the knowledge that another twenty points were in the bag (and that they would be home in time to watch the football).

Guest Reporter: Karel Podborsky (Prague Sporting Gazzette) 

There was only one change to the team which polished off Hainault & Chigwell the previous week - Reggie was drafted in for the unfortunate Marksy, whpo was Ericaed. An early start (12:30) was decreed in order to allow for the European Championship final, although Parkinson’s law did apply and the match did not finish until 6:10. But it was Shirehall.

Charlie took team counsel for the toss but, although logic dictated that he should call heads on a greentop, the Shirehall coin was an old and rusty 2 pence piece, and it landed Ich Dien up. So FZY were invited to take the first knock. Segal and Shorty opened, and Lewis with the new ball provided the only demon bowling of the whole day. He brought one back into Shorty to give his team an early success, but it was not one consolidated by safe handling in the outfield. Sumo battled it out courageously, whilst Charlie’s more proactive approach kept the (figurative) scoreboard ticking over - six boundaries ion his 26 - despite some narrow escapes. Shirehall fielders were hampered as they chased leather by a particularly rough area covering most of the covers, bringing cricket into the farmyard rather than the park.

Two wickets fell as first Chas and then Sumo were caught, but there followed a very tall partnership between Wisey and Reggie. Wisey put the sightings of lionesses and elephants behind him to register an efficient 58 - scratching around a little at first, but then more commanding and accumulating, a typical Wise cameo. Reggie was back from a rather less exotic holiday, indeed he had arranged his Salston Manor Devon Tour a whole month before the real FZY one. His batting rather often resembled the bovine species prevalent in the West Country as he repeatedly swung away to cow corner - to good effect, it must be said, as 60 runs and a not out star accrued to his personal tally.

Runs came thick and fast in a hectic last ten overs, as Chas set his batsmen a target of over 200 by the 42nd, and this was reached comfortably, despite the loss of an over-zealous Sieffy to a run out. Meanwhile, there were two wickets for the left-arm chinaman bowler Lightman - an inappropriate name for an FZY player, which is why he plays for Shirehall - as he removed Wisey and Segal. But Savage S played another of his risqué cameos, and Chas was able to declare with three wickets intact.

Shirehall had managed to bowl their 42 overs in 2 hours and 50 minutes, which, I suppose, is quite quick by their standards. The level of faffing around, however, reached extremely annoying proportions, again. They didn’t bring a scoreboard, either, but there was a table, off which tea could be scoffed. Copious quantities of tuna and/or egg bagels were provided, followed by parev honey cake, chocolate biscuits and various cold drinks. Not bad in the circumstances.

FZY, suitably refreshed, may have expected to bowl out their opponents as they had done to similar league opposition previously. But all the bowlers toiled on the greentop, which yielded little exept for true bounce. The cause was not helped by a poor diosplay in the field, with a number of spilled catches. No names, you know who you are! Sieffy definitely does - there were three drops off his bowling. The openers put on 74, with Lange D reaching an accomplished 53, even though he had a few lives. It was not until the 29th over that the partnership was broken, by which time David Kay was bowling his third over, which shows how desperate Charlie had got. Kay, who was the sixth bowler, took a terrific caught and bowled to dismiss Lange D (much harder than the ones he dropped as keeper the previous week!).

The seventh bowler was Leigh Schwartz, who raised hopes with another fiery burst which brought him two wickets. Leigh is rather like a First World War cannon - on target he is devastating, but more often than not he misfires down the wrong line. Still, his second victim was caught behind by Chas, a rare wicketkeeping catch for FZY in 1996. The eighth bowler, for the last over, was Clint, which says it all. But, for the first time in his bowling career, he did not concede a boundary..........

A draw was the fair result, with only ten wickets having fallen in 84 overs. FZY this tome had little problem in accumulating the runs, but showed less than true championship form in the field. They may be favourites to beat Shirehall next week in the Cup, but League form must improve in the remaining three fixtures. As for Sophie Ross, well FZY’s no.1 fan (proven by the fact that she was clutching a Mr. Blobby doll) knew what the score was this week, and left after only five minutes watching from the boundary.

Guest Reporter: Yevgeni Kafelnikov (Pravda)

Match report sponsored by Snickers, the official snack food of Euro ‘96, and the patron saint of edges through the slips. 

Second-top score in the FZY innings was extras, another contributing factor to the eventual success of Charlie’s Angels. Indeed, the total of 33 included enough wides and no balls for three extra overs. Segal and Levy (Frank Spencer now - father of Jessica) looked shaky early on, until both got themselves out for single figures, bringing Wisey and Chas in to bat. Chas again rode his luck, the ball flying off his bat in the most unexpected directions. But there were, throughout the FZY innings, noticeably fewer quick singles than in the Shirehall one.

When Chas lifted one shot too many, enter Reggie, who as we know can never be lbw because he comes so far forward he could shake the bowler by the hand. Exit Reggie soon afterwards, lbw to a perfectly straight delivery, according to umpire Sieffy. Reggie returns, unimpressed. That made it 59-4, and signified a team wobble. But Leigh is capable of very correct batsmanship, and, urged on by Wisey, he got his head down and the partnership cemented. The rate required fell abruptly after the 25-over mark, and FZY sailed home, the only glitch being the dismissal of Leigh for a hard-earned 22. There was time, however, for Wisey to notch his second consecutive fifty, and for Flossy to splash the winning run triumphantly through midwicket.

Earlier, Shirehall had started like it was a limited overs game - which it was. They pushed the score along, but lost wickets on the way, seemingly unaware of the great one-day maxim "be sure to bat out all your overs!" in the event, they were more than five short. FZY’s catching improved from the previous week, despite one or two misdemeanours. On a sloping outfield on which the ball ran quickly, it was a better than average FZY fielding performance, notwithstanding the fact that, it being a cup match, there were some fraught nerves and plentiful opinions amongst the team. Five bowlers took wickets: Schwartz 3-25, Marks 3-7, Ross R 2-23, Ross M 1-29, Sieff 1-31. One did not: Wise 0-15.

FZY therefore levelled the series at one match all, losing the friendly to Shirehall but drawing the League game and winning in the Cup. Probably the best combination. Finally, a word about the tea, which was back on level ground again. There was halibut paté and crackers, plus the usual cakes, biscuits and drink, but it was significant that the majority of paper plates were the ones used to outline the 30-yard fielding circles in the outfield.....

Guest Reporter: Suarav Ganguly (West Bengal News)

The good news is that Newlands still haven’t won a match between the two teams, the bad news is that they won this match on bonus points (6-3), and the League will be theirs if they win their last two matches. Even worse is that FZY fielded not like the champions they used to be, but like circus jugglers on laxatives. Granted the outfield sloped, was uncut and was bumpy, and it was hot and humid, but there was no way anybody could have caught even a cold.

The scene was the King George V Playing Fields in Welwyn, and FZY arrived just before the scheduled 2.00 p.m. start. Missing Chas (arrived 2.45 p.m.) and Wisey (3.15 p.m.), the idea was to delay the start for as long as possible. Luckily, Newlands were nowhere to be seen, cruising along at about ten past two. Consequently, the match began at 2.25 p.m. and ended at 7.50 p.m.

It was hot and hard work for the bowlers, beginning with Leigh and Chas and then Flossy, Wisey and Marksy. Today, it was Sieffy who was keeping (?) wicket - in a very fetching white t-shirt with a large blue-script logo - so Marksy was the only slow bowler. On days like this, support from the fielders is especially required, but alas, six catches hit the deck. The score was over 200 before any bowler took a wicket, the only previous dismissal having been a run out, effected by Clint, who was aided quite considerably by the fact that both openers were at the same end.

Two batsmen, Coots and Peterman, scored hundreds. It is rare enough for one batsman to get a ton, but two can be put down to carelessness. Coots, resplendent in helmet and grille, scored well over 90 of his runs with shots of various upward parabolas. Peterman took a little longer to get going, but was timing the ball much better. Wisey, from the north end, got some bounce, but the pitch was slow and once the batsman’s eye was in, run-scoring was no too much of a problem. There was even a break for mizzle halfway through, which rendered the ball like a bar of soap, but it soon dried out.

It was some relief when a) Flossy caught Coots off Wisey at midwicket and b) the declaration was made. The teams then sampled an al fresco FZY tea, although things haven’t really been the same since Paula Lyons was the head tea chef at Edgwarebury. Now, enlightened husbands/bachelors have to make their own sandwiches, and it showed. There was a good range of fillings, but sadly, the bread was wilting in the heat.

Charlie’s decision was whether to go for the runs or to bat out 37 overs for the draw and accumulate bonus points. The latter option was taken, with the faint hope that a run-chase may be feasible nearer the end. In the event, only one wicket fell in the first 30 overs, but the scoring rate achieved up until then was too low. A mini run-chase did ensue in the final overs, with FZY achieving 150 for three batting points, but losing six wickets for Newlands’ two bowling points.

Segal and Flossy opened, easily controlling Segall from the southern end, but finding it harder to control Durban from the bouncier north. The scoring wasn’t rapid, but extras and overthrows enhanced the total, and at least no catches were offered which could have been dropped. When Segal eventually got a lifter which he gloved behind (out for 20), Clint came in, which hardly led to a sudden burst in the scoring.

Flossy picked up a little, though, especially after orders from Chas encouraged a spurt towards a higher score. He was seeing the ball well, but couldn’t hit the ball to the boundary enough, resulting in lots of running and a progressively redder face. But his sixty four was well-earned and only 7 short of his CB, also against Newlands, four years earlier. It also became the highest FZY individual score of the season (for a week - ed.), which gave him something to talk about.

After Clint perished driving, there was some frenzied activity as Shorty did some good biffing, and also warmed up for tour with some gratuitous exploitation of Flossy’s flagging feet. But Shorty, Flossy, DK and Leigh were all out before Chas smote the four which brought up the 150. As the players trooped off in the gloaming, Chas could reflect on his bowling figures of 8.5-0-56-0 and Wisey’s 12-1-63-0. We shall never know if there should have been an assault on the target, as it was the Newlands record is in tact, but it is they and not FZY who are the favourites for the League.

Guest Reporter: Jacques Villeneuve (Silverstone Express) 

Marksy was again vicing as skipper in the absence of Chas (who had gone to the Oasis concert at Knebworth). It was a very good toss to win. He lost it. The team, on this occasion, had not been democratically consulted, and the coin used by the Pinner captain was allegedly recycled. Pinner chose to invite FZY to bat, as they themselves would have been asked to do if Marksy had won the toss. The weather was sunny - with showers forecasted - and the pitch appeared rather soft. Pinner themselves had won two League matches in the year, in itself considered a gross over-achievement.

Sieffy and Schwartz opened the batting, ahead of the more established openers Shorty (5) and Segal (11). At least their names began with ‘S’. Sieffy slashed at the first ball of the match, which safely lodged in the hands of the cover fieldsman, allegedly the only Pinner player who could catch. 0-1. It was his second first-baller of the season, which meant that his haul of golds was now double that of the British Olympic team.

Wisey was next in, hurrying to adjust his pads as he walked to the wicket. He soon found that there was variable bounce when facing at the tennis courts end, against an opening bowler who pitched rather close to his own toes. The other end seemed not so responsive, and batting was, in general, not as tricky as it might have been with more accurate bowling. But Leigh tried to make contact with a leg-side delivery in the fifth over, there was audible evidence of probable contact, and, on appeal, the finger of umpire Sumo was raised. Apparently, the evidence was not so convincing to the departing batsman, whose cry of "but I didn’t touch it!" was nevertheless in vain.

Marksy, exercising captain’s prerogative, came in at number four, and soon departed number three, after a lugubrious waft led to his being dismissed in the same manner, and for the same score, as Sieffy (although he did face more balls). This was 12-3, in the eighth over, and things were not looking so clever. But Pinner proved incapable of going for the jugular and Wisey and Shorty, the experienced pros, set about the resurrection of the innings, with some success, ultimately.

Wisey was soon out of breath whilst his score clocked up, as Shorty scuttled between the wickets. The former gave two chances, first a skied drive down the throat of mid-on, but luckily not his hands, and then a harder catch high on the off-side, which was skilfully avoided by the fielder. Cohen, the opener at the park end, was replaced by Levy - sadly Pinner had no Israelites to follow these two - who kept the batsmen guessing with his leg spin: long hop or overpitched? But when he did bowl the ball on target, Levy proved the most guilesome of the Pinner attack, inducing an edge from Shorty which the keeper flicked with his glove around the waiting hands of first slip.....

With his new Wessex blade now knocked in, Shorty enjoyed himself somewhat. Once the partnership had been established - it took him nearly half an hour to get off the mark - his goal turned out to be shepherding Wisey to a century, a landmark not before reached by the Big Man. There were singles aplenty and quite a few fours, too. The bowling and fielding became steadily more downhearted, as the prospect of bowling FZY out quickly faded.

Greater urgency was injected by the batsman as the ominous cloud, which was later to decimate the match, appeared on the horizon. Wisey had reached 90, and the ton was in his sights, when he bottom-edged a leg-side delivery and was caught behind. The partnership had registered 170, the first ever club century partnership for the fourth wicket, and a new FZY record stand for any wicket, smashing the previous highest 148. Wisey trudged off forlornly - so near to his ton yet so far! The patient David Kay [what’s wrong with him now? - Ed.] came in for the last three balls, smote five runs, and the declaration was made, leaving Shorty on 63 not out.

Tea was taken al fresco, a motley collection of kosher sandwiches and biscuits which, unusually, was not polished off completely. Perhaps this was because Sumo was too busy putting his wicketkeeping pads on?? FZY, especially brave Reggie, seemed more concerned about loading up their kit into the cars, lest the forthcoming rain storm give it a good soaking. Another new club record was set, by the way, as the eleven players arrived in ten separate cars. Leigh was the only one to get a lift, from Wisey.

Amidst gathering gloom, and the crackle of distant thunder, the Pinner innings lasted just five overs. Reg bowled two from the tennis courts end, whilst Leigh (opening the bowling and the batting) had three from the park end. There were ultra-attacking fields, but the light worsened to such an extent that it became too dangerous to bat. One single was scored, the ball before the teams left the field. As they did, so the heavens opened. At the end of the day, the heavens were the only winners. After ten minutes under a makeshift shelter, the match was abandoned.

Marksy’s desire to bowl at his father-in-law had been scuppered, and with it the chances of FZY regaining their League crown. After last year’s washout against Edgware, now another abandonment against Pinner left FZY bridesmaids once again. The five points gained from a rained-off match would not have been enough to catch Newlands, whose fixture ended the same way as it was. The championship couldn’t have passed to a nicer bunch, that’s for sure! Out of the League race, FZY were now free to concentrate on the Cup, with a tough encounter looming in the semi-finals against Belmont. May the heavens be with them for that one!

Guest Reporter: Mark Brooks (Valhalla Recorder).

The signs were not good when only three of the home players had appeared by the scheduled two o’clock start. The match eventually began half an hour later with only five Camden players present; their final complement was nine. One or two of them had played cricket in the previous twenty years.

So the warm up for Marksy’s mustered eleven involved a game of football in the outfield, followed by a not-so-quick half in the clubhouse. Oh, and a general drubbing from the Camden groundsman, for walking over the recently reseeded goalmouth. Leigh Schwartz was taking tonsorial tips - maybe his hair will grow back in time for the 1997 season? In fact, the eleven contained two guests from the Wacky Races, namely the Engel Brothers, famous for refusing to eat the pork sausages laid as bait by Dastardly and Muttley..........

Reggie and Leigh opened the bowling, the former removing the openers for little cost, before the introduction of the change bowlers, Captain Marks and Terror Tav. Granville took another two wickets to add to his growing collection, whilst Marksy struck in his usual fashion, inducing batsmen who can’t bat to play on or hole out. He claimed three victims.

At 75-7, it was suggested that Camden’s coltish openers be invited to return for a second knock, which elongated the day’s cricket somewhat. The joke bowlers were sent on - Alan Engel, Wisey (slow left arm) and Phil (who bowled a maiden!!) - and Camden didn’t even lose their last wicket, closing for tea at 106-9.

It was an excellent spread - pavilion, plates, teapots and scones, although Lawrence, who would have enjoyed it enormously, was not present. Segal too was missing, so there was lots left over.

Surprisingly, many people’s attention at the ground was centred on a football match in far-off Chisinau, and not the exciting events on the cricket field. Shorty and Clint opened up, and reached a relatively trouble-free 48 before the latter was pinned in front and the former was bowled.

As the sun set behind the western end bowler’s arm, so Phil played his valedictory innings for FZY. Once the rock around which the team was built, he had announced his retirement from cricket at the end of the 1986 [I think that should read 1996 - Ed] season. No longer the holder of the club duck-scoring record, Phil made nine runs all round the wicket before he was bowled. A standing ovation followed him all the way to the dressing room.

Thanks to a hard-hit 34* by Moishe Engel, for an FZY 1996 all-comers batting record, the runs were polished off soon enough. It was a comfortable victory, despite the alleged quote from a Camden player at the end: "if we’d have scored another fifty runs it would have been an interesting game!" Or as the FZY captain would have said "Yeah, right!"

Guest Reporter: Allan Green (Avodlom Mercury)

NB. Avodlom = Moldova backwards....