Ghosts in the Smoke Part 31

Disclaimer: I don't own these lovely characters, Aaron Sorkin and his friends do.

Sam and Josh are caught in a hotel fire.

Spoilers: Everything up through The Leadership Breakfast (set two days later)

Archive: Anywhere you want, just please e-mail me Partnrpal@aol.com

Ghosts in the Smoke

By Mer

Part 31

Georgetown Hospital-Sam's Room

"Hi Sam." Toby said as he slowly walked into Sam's room.

Sam looked at Toby for a moment and he didn't know what to say. He wished that he could melt into a huge puddle on the bed. He didn't really want any of his friends from work to see him tied to the bed like some animal. And he especially didn't want Toby to see him like that.

"It's okay Sam, I'm not going to judge you." Toby assured him after the long silent pause.

"Sam, he thinks you're a freak." Matt whispered.

"You think that I am a freak don't you?" Sam finally stated.

"Sam, I don't think that you are a freak. I think that you are my friend." Toby assured him.

"But he was sure acting like your friend last night." Matt pointed out.

"Toby did you mean what you said last night?" Sam asked suddenly a flash of hatred replacing the worried look he had just been carrying.

"Which part?" Toby asked gingerly.

"He hates Josh remember? He thinks that your best friend would be better off dead." Matt reminded him.

"About Josh being naďve, about him not being able to save the world? About him being better off dead?" Sam asked.

"I was worried and upset. Sam, I never should have said those things. I didn't mean to trash Josh like that. What I said about him was wrong. But I meant it when I said that I want to be your friend. I want to help you Sam." Toby replied.

"He just wants to take Josh's place." Matt added.

"Because my best friend can't and he needs to be replaced?" Sam asked.

"No, because I want to help you. Sam, I told you last night that I was stupid for building walls around myself and I meant it. But I realized last night that I need friends too. I mean I bet that if I had been the one caught up in the fire, business would be as normal because you wouldn't have to bother to be my friend, because I don't let you any other time." Toby admitted.

"I doubt that is true. We all want to be your friend you just don't let us. You hate it when we try to talk to you about anything personal." Sam replied.

"Which is why I have to start letting you guys in. Sam, I said some very mean things to a lot of people last night because I was hurting and I didn't know who to tell. I was hurting and I figured everyone else should be hurting too. What I didn't figure out until early this morning was that I was hurting because it was my own doing.” Toby stated sincerely.

“Can you help me then?” Sam asked quietly.

"No Sam, you don't want his help." Matt replied.

“Help you how?” Toby asked curiously.

“How do you grieve properly?” Sam asked.

“Excuse me?” Toby asked in a little bit of shock.

"No Sam you don't need to learn how to grieve. I was kidding." Matt stated.

“How do you grieve? Apparently I don’t know how to grieve properly which is why I am so afraid of losing Josh.” Sam answered in a voice that broke Toby’s heart.

“You have to learn to let go. I mean you have to learn to accept that a person is dead and you have to make peace with that.” Toby replied slowly.

“Even if the person died like twenty years ago?” Sam asked.

“Especially if the person died twenty years ago. You can’t let grief consume you. Because it will just eat at you and make you do some crazy things.” Toby stated gently.

“Like believing the person I’ve never grieved for coming back to taunt me?” Sam questioned.

“Hey now isn’t haunting the proper term?” Matt asked but was apparently ignored, because Sam had no response.

“I’ve never had that happen to me but I guess it could happen. You mentioned a person named Matt last night. Is that the person that you’ve never grieved for?” Toby asked.

“Come on Sammy, tell him. Tell him all the reasons why you want to grieve for me. You’ll feel so much better when you tell him how great of a friend I used to be.” Matt urged.

“Yeah. He used to be my best friend. We had a major falling out and then he died the next year and I didn’t care. The whole school was broken up about it, but me I was just pissed because he died and left a kid behind. He was stupid because he drank and drive before he went to Prom. He deserved to die.” Sam said, purposely saying the opposite of what Matt wanted.

“Drank and drive? Is that even proper English?” Matt asked.

“You need to let go of that anger Sam. You need to let go of him. Part of you is still holding on to the asshole that was stupid enough to get into the car. You are trying to prove that you are better than him. But you don’t need to prove that Sam. Just let go of that anger. Remember the good times you had with him as well as the bad.” Toby urged.

“Are you sure that will work?” Sam asked.

“Oh I think that you can’t let go of me. You need me to hate. You need me to serve as a reminder of how superior you are.” Matt taunted.

“I guess you are right. I guess I should try to remember all the times we used to go surfing in the summertime and how we liked to go to the movies and throw popcorn at the screen when the couples were kissing.” Sam recalled.

“Sam, shut up...” Matt said in a weak voice.

“Good Sam.” Toby replied.

“God, Toby I miss him. I miss playing poker and using marbles for chips. I miss playing baseball until well after dark. I just miss being around him. Why have I forgotten about all of those things?” Sam asked.

“I don’t know Sam. But can you forgive him for what he did?” Toby asked quietly.

“Yeah right.” Matt mocked though his voice wasn’t very strong.

“Yes. Matt I forgive you for driving into that utility pole. Matt, I forgive you for dying. I miss you buddy. I even remember what we used to say to each other. So Matt catch you later dude.” Sam stated.

“Catch you later dude.” Matt’s voice faded out.

C.J.’s Office

“Can I come in?” Danny asked from the doorway.

“Where is Carol when you need her?” C.J. murmured.

“I think that she...” Danny began.

“I know where she is, that was just a figment of speech. What can I do for you Danny?” C.J. asked with a tired sigh.

“They’ve officially arrested Senator Herman. Apparently, he was training to become a Russian spy.” Danny told her.

“So what does the act of terrorism prove?” C.J. asked angrily.

“They wanted to make sure that he could destroy part of his government before joining theirs I guess.” Danny shrugged.

“Oh and the point of that was to what prove his manhood?” C.J. lashed out.

“I guess so. If he was willing to destroy part of his government then they figured he’d be perfect for theirs.” Danny replied.

“What do they not like the current regime or something?” C.J. asked.

“I guess not.” Danny replied.

“How did he get involved in this anyway? He’s from a state that has a lot of milk cows, not a lot of Russians. I mean I know they have that fake Mir station in the Wisconsin Dells but that is hardly a strong connection.” C.J. protested.

“I think the correct term is diary cows and how do you know about...” Danny began.

“You know what I mean and Donna told me about the other thing. Oh hell, it could be much worse. I mean he could’ve tried to kill the President. I guess that bodes well for re-election. Their was only two assassination attempts but don’t worry neither one was aimed at the President, so he must be doing okay. Let’s elect him for another four more years and see how many more staff members we can kill off in the process.” C.J. mocked and she starting laughing oddly.

“C.J. what’s wrong?” Danny asked not buying her humor act.

“First it was Josh and the President, and then it was Josh and Sam, who is Josh going to be paired up with next? The man isn’t the energizer bunny. One of these times he’s actually going to get killed. Either that or the person he’s with is going to get killed and I’m still on that list.” C.J. admitted.

“C.J. Josh wasn’t singled out because he was Josh. Senator Herman just had to kill two Senior Staff members.” Danny soothed.

“Oh and that just makes it all better then huh? I should feel thankful that I wasn’t picked.” C.J. replied rolling her eyes.

“For what it’s worth, I’m glad that it wasn’t you.” Danny whispered.

“Thanks.” C.J. replied.

“No I mean it.” Danny replied sincerely.

“I know.” C.J. replied. “I know but somehow that doesn’t seem very soothing.”

Links

go back to part 30
go back to general stories page
go on to the next part
home