Darkness

The walls close in,
there is dark within.
The empty hole
in my tortured soul.
The bleakness of the night
never to see the light.
The laughter has ended
never to be unended.
The darkness stares me in the face,
I look for hope not finding a trace.
The days and nights get longer and darker
as I look for a marker.
Some sign of life
to end this strife.
The heartache and pain
of a life with no gain.
My eyes fill with bitter tears
as I try to recapture all the years.
© written in 1984

Storms
As I sit and wonder
I hear the rumble of thunder
But the storm cannot be seen
for it rages within
The terror and pain
They belong to me alone
No one can see the things that haunt me
Why can't the happiness be
The bricks in my wall crumble
As I try to hang on yet I stumble
I want to run but have nowhere to go.
© written in 1987

The sun shines but briefly
Suddenly the clouds return
The coming darkness
The rumble of thunder
Somehow I land once more in the storm
Where I once could see the land
The storm has now pushed me farther a sea
Adift with no wind in my sails
It doesn't seem to matter anymore
The land has become unattainable
I have doubts of ever reaching the shore
As I drift on this darkened sea
I feel the nothingness envelope me
Where there once was hope
I no longer have the strength to cope.
© written in 1999

Ramblings
As the wind howls down from the mountains
I feel the calling on my heart to run once more
I'm not sure that running is the answer.
but nor am I sure that staying is right.
The pain and lonelines I feel
is it imaginary or real
The unhappiness I know
will it stay or go
I don't know what I want to run from
or what I would be running to.
Am I crazy or do the demon's
that possess my mind even exist
Why can I never be happy in the present
I always look for more than I have
I'm not even sure of what I want
yet I long to search for it
To break free and to live on the outside
of these walls that confine me.
I once thought I had found the peace I had
searched for
Yet again the torment comes bringing
doubt, fear, and pain.
The touch that once I longed for now I dread
Why can't I seem to keep the happiness that I find
How can I keep the doubts and fears from
touching my mind
The reality gets mixed with imaginary
and I wonder why
Do I really want the imaginary or
is it a trick of my mind
The mind becomes cloudy with the choices I have
Do I go and hurt everyone
or do I stay and let my soul die
It's not easy to decide,
yet I can't leave,
too many would not understand
I'm not even sure I could tell them
why I am leaving
I wish I could just leave this place without
anyone knowing or finding me
I babble on just as a brook
Yet it never gets clearer
Why must I stay confused
Yet others wish to confuse me more
Do I let them or
Do I use them to find my direction
my way out
What am I to do but to live in this
state of confusion
where no one can help me see the lights
I long for
the darkness closes in around me once more
just to see the answer is my one true wish.
© Written in 1987