4-2-99

Squashed the flip-flop: twice!

I'm so excited about Eric's piece. He's told me a bit about it and it sounds like it's going to be cool as hell. There are four movements, each has a color as a title. How Crayola. So far he's done work on Red and Yellow. He better have some damn good blue, ‘s'all I'm sayin'. And his composition teacher loves it so far. That's incredibly meaningful to me--his teacher is the orchestration teacher with whom I have issues. I can't wait to get my hands on this piece.

I've also postponed the recital another month or so. As it turns out, John's leave will be in July, and he'll be able to hear the performance if I schedule it then. He'll also be able to help me move our shit, which is fantastic--I was dreading the solo moving project. And we'll both be able to attend Tony's wedding. Then we'll head south together, probably doing the super-trip, without stopping to sleep, if possible. Then all I have to do is find work in Georgia.

I went to get estimates for my car today. God, it seems like I was just in the shop yesterday, and I'm already back with more front end damage. I've been in two car accidents in East Lansing, and neither was my fault. It's horrid. Both shops estimated about 5-7 days' worth of repairs, which means I'll have to rent a car to drive out and teach for two days. That's fucking bullshit. Last time, I had to rent a car for 10 days, pay ungodly sums, and the accident wasn't even my fault. Welcome to no-fault-land. The jagoffs who wreck up my car only have to cover my $500 deductible--all other expenses are mine. I can't afford fancy insurance because I'm broke, so I have to pay out the ass whenever I actually need the insurance. I have to pay more because I have less to begin with. How can the person who invented that scam live with him/herself?

I listened to the tape of my last recital the other night. It was surprisingly good, in some ways. In other ways, surprisingly not-so-good. For one thing, the recording quality was sort of...well, bleehhh. No offense to Chuck, the DAT Guy. Euphoniums don't record well. We point up, and off to the side, so mics are hard to place, and we have such a huge dynamic range (at least, I do! :)) that it's tough to set levels with a piano. On this tape, typical thing happened: I sound very distant, sort of goopy-muddy. You can tell that I'm playing really fast, but you can't really tell what I'm playing. Some day I'm going to go into the studio and record a CD with the mics right in my bell.

Another not-so-good thing: I was really having problems with intonation that night. Now, I have perfect pitch, and I generally tune pretty well, but we all have off-days. Mostly, an off-day is whenever I'm pressured to perform well. Doesn't seem fair, does it? When I get stressed, I tense up, pitch rises...my horn warms up, pitch rises.... If I pull out slides to compensate, the tendencies for each note become skewed and it's harder to gauge where the notes land. I'm a damn good player, if I say so myself. But this is hard shit. My sense of pitch has improved greatly since the last time I recorded.

So anyway, I had a tough time that night. The piece I played with tape required that I push my main tuning slide almost all the way in, just to tune with the tape, and (doggone it) I forgot to pull it out again for the next piece. I realized this about halfway down the first page and had to yank it out between entrances. All I can say here is "ooops."

Aside from a few technical finger-glitches, the rest of the recital was damn good. I wish the tape could reflect the emotion that I put into the music. I'm best known for the expression I bring to a performance--that with my fatass euph sound and I'm set up. Whenever I tape myself it sounds so flat. Not pitch-wise flat, just...boring flat. Expressionless. Bland. Okay, it's not really that bad. But I know my live performance is engaging and musical. Why can't I just sit in the audience and listen to me?

Man, I'm such an egomaniac tonight. If I were another euphonium player, I'd hate me. I never talk like this.

So, after all that me-bashing, does anyone out there want to hear the tape? I'll make one for both of you.