bitch, bitch, Bitch

6/2/99

Packing, cleaning, baking. Very feminine day.

I’ve been waking up around 10:30 every morning. I stumble out of bed, do a smidge of yoga and then eat cereal while watching The View. I’m not a fan of the show, really, but it’s either that or The Price Is Right. Not that there’s anything wrong with The Price Is Right. It’s just not challenging for me anymore.

All right, dammit, I like The View because of the old Saturday Night Live skits. The ones where they put the blonde woman (who’s since been “removed” from The View) in a cage. “Get in your cage!”

But I watch it in a bemused sort of way, curled up on my couch, planning out my day in the back of my mind. Making a few phone calls, sometimes.

Today they were discussing the possibility of the president’s raise. The office of the president hasn’t had a raise since the sixties, and he’s making only about $200 thousand a year. Imagine that! How can he eke by on so little? So they’re thinking of giving him a little token sort of raise, just to $400 thousand. Now, let’s see, if the president had a 40 hour work week, which I’m sure he does not, and he were being paid hourly, which he most definitely is not, that would be a raise of about $96 an hour. Hmm...sounds fair! I think my last raise at the grocery store came out to an extra $96 every three months. But that didn’t include my special little benefits, like free doughnuts. I’ll bet the President doesn’t get free doughnuts.

So our overworked, underappreciated leader may get a raise. I don’t care. He works hard enough for it. Barbara Walters tried to stir up some dissent, explaining how much our president makes, and mentioning that it’s more than most citizens of the US see in three years, or more. Then she brought up the fact that teachers make so little. Why don’t we give teachers a raise? Starting teacher salary--in the public schools, depends on the school district, but it’s usually between $20 and $25 thousand yearly. A teacher closer to retirement, having earned a master’s degree, might make $50 thousand. In an average, middle class school system.

When Barbara brought this up, one of the other women howled. It wasn’t Joy, the “sex jokes are funny, but man-bashing is hilarious” comedian. It wasn’t Lisa, the irreverent, self-important, “I don’t want to be a wife” voice of youth. It was Meredith. The Wife. The one with school-age children. Meredith indicated, through her protesting and eye-rolling, that she doesn’t think teachers need a raise.

I took it personally. Well, Hell, I’m a teacher. My mother and her mother before her, teachers. Granted, I’m not an employee of the public schools, but I am a champion of them. My freelance teaching gigs wouldn’t exist if the public schools had no music programs. I support public school teachers unquestioningly.

Meredith immediately suggested that she, herself, could use a raise. Frankly, I don’t think the complaining teachers are being funny. They aren’t making jokes about needing money. A teacher cannot support a family on what they make—both parents must be present and working full time jobs. Meredith’s yearly income probably resembles the president’s. Oh, she lives in New York. Umm, okay. What do teachers make in New York?

When Barbara began the pro-teacher spiel, “They educate our children,” Meredith interrupted her, obejcting “We educate!!! We teach people!!!” You opinionated, whining bitch. Your kids go to private school? Those teachers make even less money. I’ve heard of private school teacher salaries, in New York, that don’t even break $20,000. Oh, Meredith, “can’t get mad, I was only ‘joking,’ really, I was ‘joking,’ can’t you take a ‘joke’?” is not funny. Not Funny. Good thing for you that teachers all have to work when your show’s on the air. “We work!!! Sitting around while someone does my hair and my makeup for me and tells me what to talk about is work!!! It’s really hard to spend all day in America’s biggest chat room!!!”

Wah, wah. I saw your “behind the scenes” day. How’s about if you teach my kids for a week, and I’ll be you? Bitch.