morons, every one of us

7/29/99

I broke down today and called a temp agency. Here’s how it went:

Betsy: Hi, I’ve recently moved to Warner Robins and I’m looking for temporary work, is there someone who can meet with me?

Receptionist: (speaking with no punctuation) Um what kind of work are you looking for?

Betsy: Most of what I’ve done is secretarial.

Receptionist: Can you hold on a minute?

(pause for Muzak)

Receptionist: Can you come for an interview tomorrow morning?

Betsy: Sure.

Receptionist: We have a position for you if you can come tomorrow if you qualify we’ll send you on an interview tomorrow afternoon is that okay?

Betsy: Sure.

Receptionist: ten o’clock okay?

Betsy: Yes...is that a temporary position or—

Receptionist: It’s a permanent position ma’am.

Betsy: ten o’clock then?

So. Wow.

You know, I have never not gotten a job. Maybe I’m jinxing myself here, but really, I was looking for temp work instead of permanent, anyway. The only exception was in my senior year of high school, when I filled out applications at every single fast food restaurant in town. I was only offered a job at Wendy’s, and then I quit two months later. I was the crappiest Super-Bar attendant there ever was.

Except for that time, I have gotten every job I wanted on the first try. Not that I’ve had lofty goals.I got my job at the real estate office, the optical store, the gourmet grocery. After that I never went out of my way: when I needed a job in Lansing I just headed for the grocery store. When those grocery managers get a look at my application they start fighting over me. I have tons of experience in high-responsibility positions, handling tons of money and requiring tons of moral standards. And I’ve never left a job for an irresponsible reason. I never put Wendy’s on my applications any more, so my record is perfect.

I celebrated the inkling of my potential new job by buying a suction-cup toothbrush holder at the Dollar General. What a splurge. I should have celebrated by working out, since the interview will keep me from doing that tomorrow. My arms are getting way buff and I’m pumped to keep going.

I’ve been having this weird heartburn thing. I’ve only had heartburn once or twice in my life. My stomach has been getting weaker and weaker over the past few years, probably because I stopped exposing it to horrible, greasy things, so now when I do eat something awful my stomach is like, “What? What the hell is this? What am I supposed to do with THIS???”

I can’t figure out what I ate. It started late last night, and sure, maybe I ate something for dinner that sparked it, but I’ve eaten much worse things. All day today it’s sort of snuck up on me, and today I really haven’t done anything to provoke it.

Not to discuss my gastronomical problems on the Internet or anything, but usually my stress-ish pains are lower, if you know what I mean. I keep the pink stuff on hand. Pink candy-medicine just doesn’t work on this burny stuff.

Weird things going on in Atlanta today. A man walked into an investment company, saw he was down for the day, made a little conversation, then shot a bunch of people, killing 9. Sounded weird enough—my first thoughts were something along the lines of, “ooh, glad I’m not in customer service any more.” (Desensitized much? I’m not proud, people.) When the police went to the suspect’s home they found his wife and children dead. Then I thought, “They’re never going to find this guy alive.” Sure enough, some six hours after the whole thing started, he committed suicide.

CNN covered this “Breaking News” all afternoon. When the man was officially dead, they ran interviews with the freaking hospital staff, detailing the exact numbers of residents, interns, nurses, and etc. were on hand when the victims were first brought in. Why?

Every time I flipped past CNN there was a picture of the outside of the office complex, which, if I’m not mistaken, was the only place they could be certain he wasn’t hiding. Reminded me of the three days’ worth of CNN when all there was to see was an aerial view of the big boat that was searching for JFK, Jr. Why? Why do I want to look at the boat? It’s too far away to even see if something’s happening on the boat. NOTHING TO SEE ON THE BOAT.

The TV people think we’re a bunch of morons. How many people sat and watched that damn boat for three days? Maybe we are a bunch of morons.