she said I was mighty fine

9-25-99

Good day.

We slept in, ate lunch outdoors, put down the top and headed for Macon. The intent was to go to the mall, I think, and to a movie, but we ended up driving downtown instead. I'd never been in Macon proper. It's actually quite a decent little place, very much like Lansing in some ways. We wandered around a little and went to the Georgia Music Hall of Fame.

Then we went to the mall and bought CD's. I think it was our first joint CD purchase since we've been married. I was drifting around and I came across the soundtrack from Out of Sight--I remembered liking the music for its funkiness. John picked up the latest disc by Aerosmith. We've been talking about getting that one for a while.

Hard score on both counts. The soundtrack is just as funky as I'd hoped, and Aerosmith is, well, Aerosmith. I've liked Aerosmith since I was in seventh grade, when "Dude Looks Like a Lady" came out. And "Rag Doll." Man, I used to watch that video on MTV's Top Ten countdown every day at 5:00. That thing at the end, where Steven Tyler drives down the street and all the chicks in negligees come out on their steps and wave at him, I loved that.

Aerosmith's music has gotten more and more sophisticated in the past few years. There's some killer harmonic shit going on, and the lyrics are creative. They're one of those bands that has distinctive periods, like Pink Floyd. Or Beethoven. First the hard rocker stage, then a break. Then some kinky rock, then a break. And now this stuff that's so intricate and complex, and appealing to younger crowds as well as the old fans. I love Aerosmith.

Anyway. The meat of the day: we went to a strip club. I haven't been in months, and John hasn't been in months, either, I think. We just, on a whim, headed out to the club, for lack of anything better to do.

Fun. John tries to get me to go up to the rail and put money in the chicks' garters, but I'm too chicken. The dancers make all their money in tips, so I made him pay extra for me. He did embarrass me once by telling the dancer that "this is from my wife."

For the longest time I was the only woman in the place who didn't work there. Finally, some couples came in and sat right in front of us. One of the women was crazy, slapping the dancers on their asses and putting her dollar bills in the waistband of her jeans for the dancers to grab with their teeth. None of the men in the place could get away with that, but this chick obviously knew the women who were dancing. I think she probably did it herself, or still does.

Now, John tells me that this woman was checking me out the whole time she was there, but I didn't notice a damn thing until she sidled up and started hitting on me. Here's me, classic oblivious dumbass. If I'd known she was coming I could have prepared myself.

She sucked on her cigarette and asked if I was bi. (To which I only stammered. "Uhh...uh..ahh....") She asked if I wanted to have a good time. I told her I was with my husband, and she whispered, conspiratorially, "We can get rid of him." She told me to think about it and let her know. She proceeded to return to her table and do wildly suggestive things with her husband, her friends, and the dancers, all while grinning at me.

She sidled on back later, and I pretty much told her no, I think, but she kept whispering explicit suggestions in my ear and scratching my back with her fingernails. I think she might have kissed my cheek, but I just cannot remember. I was flustered. Each time she left, giggling, John would go nuts: "What did she say? Tell me what she said? What!?"

I begged and pleaded with John not to leave me, but he had to pee. This brazen woman climbed up on the rail in front of my stool and gave me a little dance, all my own. Awww. One of her dancer friends made her climb down. I've been to strip clubs before, but what few women were in the audience never knew the dancers, and were usually egged on by a crowd of guy friends. This chick's husband was wearing a shirt that said: "I Learned From Lesbians."

I feel sort of bad, really. John and I reached that "you wanna go now?" point right when the woman was in the restroom, or maybe "someplace else," so she didn't see me leave. I felt like an ass for sneaking out, but I also didn't want to give her the wrong idea by waving or something. J and I headed to Waffle House to decompress.

John thinks I should have called her bluff, but I don't think she was bluffing. I definitely didn't want to end up going home with that chick. And I was out of clean underpants today, so I wore boxers under my jeans. Didn't expect anyone to want to see underneath!