it's too much

03-21-00

Let's see...irritation, boredom, embarrassment, loneliness, indignation, helplessness, just plain stupid...what negative emotion haven't I felt today? And it was a good day, overall. Just weird. I must be ovulating.

Irritation

I had an appointment this morning, so I was out the door early. I saw my next-door neighbor out with her puppy, Shayla, and I stopped to pet the puppy. My neighbor was sitting on the curb with a cigarette in one hand and the puppy was rolling around in the bushes. When I leaned over to scratch the dog's tummy, she twisted back into the shrub and Julia shot out. Apparently she'd been spying on Shayla until the dog got too close to her hiding spot.

Julie sauntered over to the sidewalk, where she likes to roll around and get pine needle boogers caught in her fur—it gives her something to do the rest of the day. When she headed for the curb, the dog's owner started to shriek. "Get away from me, get away, don't you DARE come over here, GET AWAY!" The woman picked herself up and backed away from my cat, into the parking lot. I snickered. I walked over and hoisted twenty-pound Julia into my arms, saying, "She can't hurt you, all she can do is roll around on the ground." I smiled. "That's YOUR cat??" My neighbor looked at me with a mixture of embarrassment and disgust. "Yep." I said, and I carried Julia over to my own balcony and shoved her through the bars. "I hate cats," the woman said. No shit, how do you figure?

Just Plain Stupid

I met my therapist today. I hate that first meeting, where I don't have anything to say and I spend a lot of time either repeating myself or jiggling my knee in uncomfortable silence. After 30 minutes or so, we got into a conversational rhythm and it wasn't as weird. She's very cool, an animal rights supporter, very liberal-sounding. She kept her own name and applauded me for doing it, too. She has a comfy couch and a whole lot of games—Monopoly, Battleship—I thought about asking if I can play games. I guess that's what I do best.

Embarrassment

The reason I had Becky write my entry last night was because I was busy drinking wine on the couch. Later we watched The Empire Strikes Back and drank some more. Becky fell asleep and twitched on the loveseat during the Degoba scenes.

I drank too much. John gave Becky a platonic back rub and I got online. Then I got offline and called Eric, John went to bed and Becky fell asleep on the couch. Interesting part: I was on the balcony talking on the phone, goofing off and telling Eric that John was seducing Becky. Then Becky went home and I went to bed. This morning John told me they could hear every word of my conversation from inside the house. He was mortified. I'm beginning to wonder exactly what else I might have said last night.

Boredom

This one goes along with Loneliness. John had a long day at work, and today was my day off, so I hung around the house most of the day. I worked on a writing project for a while, which I'm afraid to talk about because I'll curse myself and not be able to work on it anymore. That always happens. Let me just say that I've invented a couple of characters and I'm busily throwing them into scenes together and writing down the things they say. I couldn't get interested in TV. Sad, yeah? I took a bath and put on my pajamas around 6:30. Now I'm sitting in front of my computer eating Bocaburger sausages that don't taste at all like sausage, or like anything, for that matter. I plan to get in bed early.

Indignation

After my shower I was daydreaming, naked, on the couch. I heard a door slam and my next-door neighbor ran out of her house, squealing.

"Get offa my car! GET offa my car!" (Shuffle shuffle shuffle—she had her toes shoved into a pair of tennis shoes, with her heels hanging off the back.) "Are you scratching my car? Are you scratching my car? Get offa my car!"

I peered out the window and saw Julia stre-e-etch lazily on the hood of my neighbor's car. Then she daintily, slowly strolled to the edge of the car and hopped down. The woman waved her arms and screeched at Julia, who appeared not to hear her. I ducked my head back from the window when my neighbor whipped around and glared in the direction of my apartment.

While it was somewhat amusing, I am disturbed. If that woman hates my cat, she will come after me. I'm afraid I can't tell Julia to stay off the car. I know it's annoying, but damn that cat, she won't stay off car hoods. She likes them when they're nice and warm, which they are when they sit in the sun. If I can't keep my cat off the car, my neighbor might call the complex management. Bad thing—not only would I have to keep Julie inside, but the management doesn't even know I HAVE Julia. Of course, I'm sure they don't know about the puppy next door, either, and I'm SURE they don't know that lab mix is going to be well over the maximum weight when she grows up. I guess I have a little leverage, but I hate getting into these wars with the neighbors.

Extra Indignation

I caught the tailend of a story on CNN about a university that's punishing unruly students by sending them to the symphony. What the fuck is that about?