Spike the Needy:An Interlude"

Summary: It's more like a script for an episode, not really a story. It's about Spike being needy, what do you want, and he's hanging out at Clover's house using her phone to call everyone in the world. There's even a marriage of inconvenience. Also, this story doesn't go with the other stories, it's just for fun.

Spoilers: everything (especially for my own stories about Clover the vampire Slayer so you might want to read one or two of those so you know what's going on)

Disclaimer: I don't own anyone from Buffy, but I do retain rights for everyone in the Clover series except Spike.

{ The camera moves along the night sky, and pans down to the trees, bushes and a sidewalk. Then it moves up again to a pair of tennis shoes, a pair of legs, an upper body, and finally the head of Clover Chase, the Slayer. It moves to her side and shows a hand about to tap her on the shoulder. }

Clover : ( turns around to find Spike looking at her with large, sad, needy, puppydog eyes)

Spike : ( with large eyes) Can I go patrolling with you? I'd go to Alicia's house, but she's on a date with Dustin. ( he folds his arms)

Clover : I'm actually just on my way home.

Spike : ( says it very eagerly ) Well then, can I come home with you?

Clover : Well, um, I ,uh, I guess.

Spike : Great !

{ camera shows them walking towards her house and fades to black} { theme song plays } {commercials: including one for a new movie with Johusa Jackson, it is twenty years after Dawson's Creek and he DOES have a movie career, WOW!!!, a Maybeline commercial, and some other shows that play on the same station}

{ camera shows Clover opening the door of her house and the two walking in}

Clover : ( shows Spike into living room.)

Spike : ( flops down on the couch ) Wow, this is a great couch. You know, your couch is much better than Alicia' couch. Although hers does have a rather high comfy rating. Hey, is Cordelia home?

Clover: ( still standing there) No. ( to herself) God, he's weird.

Spike : ( looks downfallen) Oh, well, can I use your phone then?

Clover: Sure, just don't call long distance.

Spike: I won't, scout's honor. By the way, do you have any cocoa?

Clover: ( walking towards a door leading to the kitchen) Okay, whatever. ( she leaves the room and her footsteps are heard hurrying away)

Spike : ( looks down at phone and dials number. We hear it ring twice before it is answered.)

{ cuts to a scene of Dustin in Alicia's apartment. He is laying in her bed with the coves pulled up and he pickes up the cordless phone on the nightstand.)

Dustin : Hello?

Spike: I thought you were never going to pick up. What took you so long? Is Alicia home?

Dustin: ( looks down) Um, she's busy right now. Can I take a message?

Spike: Yeah, tell her I called, and tell her to pick up a pack of cigarettes and a six pack of beer, and maybe a person?

Dustin : Oh, yeah, okay sure . Wait a second, is this Spike? What are you doing calling here?

{ Shot goes back to Spike still sitting on the couch}

Spike: ( sounding annoyed at the Watcher) Well, if you must know, Alicia and I are mates. Sometimes I hang out at her house.

Dustin: ( demanding) Where are you calling from?

{ shot goes back to Spike looking smug}

Spike : Where do you think I'm calling from? ( getting an inspired look) Do you like scary movies?

Alicia :( voice is heard over the line) Dustin? Just hang up.

Spike: ( hearing a click and the line going dead looks down at the phone in surprise and hangs it up annoyed) Clover? ( looking around and finding himself alone in the house) Where did you go?

Clover : ( coming from down the stairs) I was in the bathroom.

Spike: I missed you.

Clover: I was only gone for a few minutes!

Spike: It doesn't matter, I still missed you. Hey, where's my cocoa dammit?

Clover: Hold on. ( under her breath) God, you are sooo needy.

Spike: What?

Clover: Nothing ( cheerliy) I'll be in the kitchen. Stay there.

Spike: ( watching her disappear into the kitchen) Hey, I can use your phone right?

Clover: Didn't I already say so!

Spike: Oh, yeah. ( goes back to the phone and begins dialing a number)

(hear rang three times until it flashes to Gavin in his room who answers)

Gavin: Gavin here, what's up?

Spike's voice: Well I know you're there wanker, you wouldn't be answering if you weren't.

Gav: Who's this? ( demanding into the phone)

Spike's voice : Spike, and you'll never guess where I am.

Gav: A baby shower?

Spike: No, try again.

Gav: The Oval Office?

Spike: No stupid.

Gav: Okay, I give. Is there a point to this?

Spike: I'm in Clover's house. On her couch. Her rather comfty couch. I could sleep here.

Gav: What?! ( angrily yelling and gripping the phone tight) How did you get in? Where is Clover and Ms. Chase?

Spike: Clover's getting me cocoa, and Cordelia's not home, if you get my drift.

Gav: ( standing up and heading out the door) I'm coming right over.

Spike: Well, if you see a sock on the door don't bother knocking.

Gav: Oh my God.

{*click * shot goes back to Spike hanging up the phone with a smile}

( Clover comes into the room with a cup of cocoa and sets it in front of him then takes a seat on the couch away from Spike)

Spike : ( taking a long drink ) Your friend Gavin's coming over. So, what's your blood type?

Clover: AB ( suspiciously)

Spike: AB? Ummm, I like that in a girl, and I do mean in.

Clover: Okay ( getting up) I'm gonna go,..use the restroom. ( walks quickly upstairs again)

Spike: ( calling loudly after her) I'm going to miss you! ( picks up the phone and dials another number)

{ shoots to Rai in her living room watching t.v and eating popcorn}

Rai: Hello?

Spike's voice overheard: Are you watching scary movies?

Rai: No, I'm actually watching a comedy. Who is this?

Spike: Spike.

Rai: Oh yeah? Well can I ask you a question?

Spike: Sure, just as long as it's not if I'm wearing boxers or briefs ( pause) becasue I'm not wearing either.

Rai: Ewww! So, didn't need to know that. Why do you always help Clover? I thought you vampires wanted to kill her.

Spike: ( sounded a little flustered ) Oh, umm, you see I , wait a minute! I don't have to tell you anything. I'm my own vampire, I've got my own afterlife to live you know, and I can do what the hell I want with it!You want to come over, Gavin's coming, it's gonna be a party?

Rai: Um,yeah sure. I'll be over. Where are you?

Spike: Clover's house, on her big comfy couch. You know there's always room for three.

Rai: Oh my God! { *click*)

Spike: Huh? Guess the line went dead. Now where did Clover go? Clover? You still here, you didn't leave me did you?

Clover : ( from upstairs) No,no I'm still here. I thought maybe you would have left though. you know, it's getting late, I really should be getting to bed. With mom out of town and all, it's uh, not good to stay up so late I guess. Why don't you make another call, I'll be down in a moment.

Spike: Great. I'm missing you. Are you missing me? This is great cocca by the way!

Clover: Whatever, Spike.

Spike: ( dialing another number, it rings and Alicia Price's voice answers breathlessly)

Alicia's voice over the phone: Hello?

Spike: ( alarmed) What are you doing?

Alicia's voice over the phone: ( quickly) Nothing, nothing sweetie. ( as if comforting a child)

Spike: Okay then, can I come over? ( hopefully)

{shot of Alicia looking down}

Alicia: This really isn't a good time.

Spike's voice: Oh, okay. Can I come over maybe later? Tomorrow? Did you get my cigarettes? Beer? Person?

Alicia: ( annoyed) Look Spike, I'm not getting you anymore people. Every morning I wake up to find corpses all over my floor and God knows what I stepped on yesterday! Do you know how hard it is to get people out of the carpet?

Spike's voice: Actually..oh never mind. Your'e not mad at me are you?

Alicia: No Spike. Now goodbye. ( *click*)

{back to Spike}

Spike: Ah, no one likes me. ( picks up the phone again and dials a lot of numbers and waits a long time for an answers. A voice he hasn't heard in a long time picks up)

Voice : ( questionably) Hello? You're not trying to sell something are you, because where we live we can’t really get it.

Spike: No, no, it's me Spike. Don't you remember me Angel? It's been a long time.

{shoot to Angel in heaven, it's a beautiful white room with beautiful paintings and plush furniture. Angel covers the phone with one hand and calls out to people not seen) Oh my God, it's Spike! How did he get this number? And when did we get a phone? We're not in the phonebook are we?

Spike's voice: Angel? You still there?

Angel: ( puts phone back to his ear) Yeah. So uh, how you been?

Spike's voice: Good, good. I'm in a Slayer's house, go me. It use to be Buffy's. ( sounds like he just got an idea) Hey, is Buffy there? She's dead right?

Angel: Yes, that is why there's a new Slayer. You always where a little slow.

Spike's voice : Hey! I didn't know. There were two Slayers at one time once.

Angel: Do you want to talk to Buffy?

{ shot of Buffy shaking her head and mouthing NOOOO}

Spike's voice: Yeah, put her on.

{ the phone shuffles and Angel can be heard groaning after Buffy kicks him in the knee}

Buffy: ( to Angel) I'm going to kill you.

Angel: (smugly) Too late!

Buffy: ( into phone) Hello, Spike?

Spike's voice: ( happily) Hi Buffy! How's heaven?

Buffy: It's fine, how are you?

{ shot of Spike getting more comfortable on the couch}

Spike: It's great. So, did it hurt a lot when you died? I'd like to think it did.

Buffy's voice: Not really. Look, was there something you wanted, because I really think you're running up whose ever phone you're using bill. And Angel and I have tickets to a play tonight, so was there anything else?

Spike: They have plays in heaven? Yeah, well if you have to go is Williow there? I heard she was dead too.

Buffy's voice: Yeah, she lives next door, hold on.

{ the phone is put down on Buffy's end and Spike hums along to elevator music while on hold.}

Willow's voice: Hello?

Spike: Hey Will, it's me Spike. So, want to know what Oz is doing?

Willow's voice: ( sadly) Okay.

Spike: His band really took off. I mean their like the new Aerosmith. He never got married so he's probably living it up with a new girl every night. Probably thinking 'Willow who'.

{ sound of phone clicking angrily on the other end}

(Spike dials another number quickly and hears Oz on the other end somewhere backstage at a concert)

Oz's voice: Hello?

Spike: Hey Oz, it's me Spike, remember me? I kidnapped your girlfriend once,, hey, and it's my fault she kissed Xander and you caught her.

{ shot of Oz grabbing phone tightly} Oz: What do you want you bastard?

Spike's voice: Oh, just to tell you that I talked to the little witch, and she doesn't even remeber who you are.

Oz: That's not true ( shouting to be heard) we talk every Sunday on ten minute Sunday calling card plan. We even did a commercial!

{ shot back to Spike} Spike: Oh, well she sounded very upset when I said you didn't remember her. Maybe you should call her.

Oz's voice: Okay, I will. ( *click*)

Spike: ( looks down at phone, and then up to see Clover trying to sneak out the window) ( stands up and goes over to her) Hey, can I come? Alicia's busy with Dustin ( said childlike)

Clover: ( trying to think of an excuse )You know, what I'm doing is really an alone thing.

Spike: ( going off topic and getting a dreamy look) You know how long it's been since I've had a woman?

Clover: ( heading quickly towards the door) Excuse me?!

Spike: You know what I mean. ( with a raised eyebrow)

Clover: OH MY GOD! I, I, can't do anything until I'm married, I promised myself. Besides, it would never work out between us. You wouldn't call me the next morning, I'd have to slay you. It just wouldn't work.

Spike: ( resigned and getting down on his knees) We'll just get married then. Clover, whatever your middle name is, Chase, will you marry me?

{Shot of Clover looking down at Spike with a shocked look on her face.}

Clover: I don't know what to say, this is so sudden. I maybe we could start small like coffee or something.

{Shot of the door flying open. Gavin stands in the door way breathing deeply. He sees Spike on his knees}

Gavin: What the Hell is going on ?!!? ( he's shocked and angry)

Spike: (gets up and straightens his shirt) Do you mind? I'm just proposing here.

Gavin: I don't think so buddy!

Spike: Well I do. ( he leans over and punches Gavin unconscious. Gavin crumbled to the floor)

Clover: GAVIN!

Spike: Well, are you marrying me or not? Because I have calls to make. Do you like Gavin more than me?

Clover: Well, yes, I don't know, sometimes, I mean you're nice and all when you're not sucking people. I guess. (under her breath) Maybe when we are married he'll leave me alone.

{Spike jumps up and down. He picks Clover up and twirls her around the room.}

Spike: ( about to cry) I'm soo happy.

Clover: (with her hands on her hips) Are you okay. Tissue. (She hands a tissue to the vampire)

{Spike takes it gratefully. He wipes a tear away. And then throws it to the ground.}

Spike: (trying to sound evil.) Whatever. Lets go.

{ fades to black} {commercials: an infomercial with Dustin going "Wait, are you saying...? , and a makeup commercial, with Alicia " when you're a horror writer that writes autobiography for demons you get scared a lot, and when you're scared you sweat, so try this..."}

{ shot of Spike carrying Clover over the threshold of her house}

Spike: Think mom will mind if we move in for awhile?

Clover : ( still in his arms) Could you put me down?

( Spike puts her down.) Spike: Okay, honey, now go fix me my dinner, damnit, and get me a beer woman!

Clover: Get yourself....

Spike: ( quickly) Are you mad at me? Should I go buy you roses?

Clover: That's okay. I'm going to go change.

Spike: Into something more comfortable? ( with eyebrows raised)

Clover: ( practically running upstairs) Whatever Spike: (

stepping over Gavin who is still lying on the floor of the living room) I wonder if she had any chains. ( he spies the phone, and with a grin, dials a number) ( it rings and we only hear Spike's part of the conversation his time)

Spike: Hey Dru, it's me ducks. ( pause) It's Spike. What do you mean the trees are talking to you? Yes, and what are they saying? Ohh, really, so the Mets are going to win the Superbowl? The Mets play baseball and the Superbowl is football Dru. What do you mean the trees are always right? Okay, whatever you say. Yeah, so um, I just got married. ( pause) Well, you know, we are seeing other people right now and I just thought ( pause, longer) She's Clover Chase, the Slayer. ( loud crash heard in the background) Dru? Dru? What do you mean you're coming over? Okay, uh, well, umm, how long do you think it will take you. ( nods his head) That short of time huh. Dru? Dru? (*CLICK*)

{Spike hangs up the phone with a worried look on his face. He looks over to see Clover standing in the doorway, wearing a pair of baggy jeans, a spaghetti strap green shirt, and some sneakers.}

Clover: (through ground teeth) Who was on the phone, (takes a moment) dear?

Spike: (getting up and walking over to the Slayer) Well, my ex, Drusilla. (worried) You're not mad are you lov? (wrapping her in a big bear hug.) You're the only one for me. (to himself) At least for this week.

Clover: (as she tries to get out of his grabs.) You know I think you two should talk. Maybe go somewhere or something.

{The sound of the phone rings. They both turn to it. Spike lets go of Clover and she tries to make her way up the stairs, but he catches her, grabs her by the arm, and hold onto her as he answers the phone}

Spike: Hello? Chase residence, this is Spike speaking.

Dru's voice: ( cooing ) Miss Edith wants to know where you and your bitch live, daddy. v Spike: ( glancing at a struggling Clover who has managed to free herself and is trying to run upstairs) : Could you hold on one moment baby.

(Spike goes over to Clover) Spike: Clover, could you just sit don for one bloody moment and tell me where you live. And why do you keep going upstairs? Do you have a bladder problem or something?

( Clover flops down on the couch in a huff, tells Spike directions)

( Spike goes back to the phone, but discovers that the line is dead, and hangs it up catiously)

{ fades to black} { cuts to commercial: Willow is talking about calling cards so she can keep in touch with Oz down on earth, Giles and Jenny talking about property for senior citizens in Florida}

{ cuts back to Spike and Clover who are sitting on the couch watching t.v., phone rings and Spike answers}

Spike: Hello, newlywed speaking.

Alicia's voice: What do you mean you're married?

Spike: Me and Clover got married, cause you see I haven't had a woman and she said she wanted to wait until she was married, so....

Alicia's voice: You and Clover are married!

Dustin's voice: (overheard) What do you mean they're married? Are you sure?

Alicia's voice: ( annoyed)Yes, now shut up you stupid British and clean up that mess Dru made. Spike, Dru was just over here looking for you. She wasn't happy. She was talking to some doll, I don't know, anyway, I just thought I'd tell you. Maybe you and Clover should get out of the house or something. She borrowed my shovel.

Spike: Okay, thanks. By the way, I won't be home tonight, I'm a newlywed. I have to live with her now, I think. As a newlywed. That's an interesting word isn't it? Who came up with it? Newlywed? Alicia? ( shot of Clover punching Spike in ribs) Oww, that hurt! Newlywed. Okay, shutting up now. ( puts phone down)

(Gavin begins to moan on the floor just waking up)

Dru: ( bangs the door open, but waits on the porch} Invite me in. ( demanding)

(Clover and Spike walk over to the door. Spike puts his arm around Clover shoulder, who gives him a disgusted look and throws it off)

Spike: Dru, I'm a newlywed now, and I don't think our relationship is going to work out.

Gav: ( just woken up) What?! You guys are married? ( sees ring on Clover's finger) But, why Clover? I , I well, I , that is I , you see I...

Clover: Gavin! Spit it out!

Dru: Ohh, whose this good looking guy? ( directs next question at Gavin) How do you feel about eternal life?

Clover: They're right, you are a big ho.

Spike and Dru : ( at same time) What do you mean?

Clove: Well, mom told me when Angel turned evil, Dru went to him, and when Spike tried to save her from Buffy and took her away from Angel, she got together with a chaos demon! I've killed one of those things, and trust me, they are ugly, which doesn't say much for her taste in men.

Gav and Spike : HEY!

Clover: Well, sorry, but it's true.

{phone rings, and Clover answers it}

Angel heard over phone loudly: Hey, what do you mean her taste in men is bad!

Clover: Sorry, but you're dead, and have Buffy, so get over it.

Dru:( still on porch) Let me talk to my Angel.

Spike: NO! { hangs up phone after grabbing it from Clover}

Dru: (takes shovel where it's been hidden the whole time behind her back, raises it above her head) Why don't you come outside so I can hit you with this. Miss Edith and the tress say I should because you've been a bad daddy.

Spike: Dru, put that down, what are you doing. ( realizing she has walked into the house) Who invited you in?

Gav: ( smiling sly) Freak she may be, but she likes me, and hates you. Point for her.

Clover: ( grabs Gavin and Spike other arm and make their way to Spike's car parked in the back)

( cuts to interior of the car with Spike and Clover in front seat and Gavin in back looking at Dru chasing them down the street with the shovel)

Gav: Wait, my woman!

Clover: Shut up! Let's go pick up Rai and travel around the country like hippies.

Spike: Sounds like a plan. But maybe we should call your mom and tell her not to go home. She could move in with Alicia. She has a comfy couch. ( dreamily)

THE END? ( thank God) OR IS IT? ( ahhhhhhhhhh!)

Oak's Diary