THE WOLF ON THE SHEPHERD’S LIST

An expanded fanfiction synopsis of a BUFFY THE VAMPIRE SLAYER adventure.

By WeirdArchives

Two weeks before GRADUATION DAY…

Buffy and Willow are touring the campus of The University of California-Sunnydale (known as ‘The Dark Moor” to some for reasons that will become all too clear). They visit the faculty buildings, check out the courses, meet the students…and generally get bored to pieces by the “lack of edge of your seat, thrill-a-minute, bone-chilling, vampire butt-kicking”, as Buffy coins it.

“True.” Willow replies. “But it’s pretty. And quiet. And how often can you say that about college life…or Sunnydale for that matter.”

Apparently, not enough when the doors to the campus lab blow wide open. Out of the hallway race four characters The Science Boyz: In front… Harlan King, pushing people out of the path of Archibald Kelly Hannigan, Jr. (‘Arch’ to his friends, what few he has.) who has a smoking, popping, sparking piece of equipment ready to blow at any moment. Right behind him: Steven Orber, screaming order and directions to Arch while Orson de Cordwainer is on his cell phone, alerting campus security of the impending doom. The chaos of students running and yelling keeps Buffy and Willow from taking any action.

Things look grim!

Buffy implores Willow to ‘float’ the ‘bomb’ out of harm’s way, but Willow shakes her head. She still hasn’t mastered levitating objects larger than a pencil and she is ‘wigginsing at Warp 9’. Buffy decides to take matter into her own hands and makes a dash towards Arch, figuring on snatching the package and throwing it into the air…or if time’s short, use her own body as a shield against the blast (guessing and praying her Slayer’s heightened invulnerability might just keep her alive…maybe.). That plans gets 86’d when Harlan tackles her into the ground. He yells at Arch, “Drop it into the well, for Cripes sakes! There’s no more time!”

Arch finds the campus ceremonial well (where rumors abound of its use as a sacrificial altar to the Native Americans and as a means of torture during Spanish California’s version of The Salem Witch Trails), throws the package down the shoot, and dives for cover. Within 30 seconds…BOOM! Flame shoots out of the well. Pieces of wood and stone and muck starts flying in every direction. Some windows get smashed. Some cars get dented. And the well looks a little worse for wear…but no one is hurt.

Buffy and Harlan pick themselves up and shake off the dust from the fireworks. Buffy is pissed, accusing Harlan of stopping her from saving Arch. Harlan is more pissed, counter-accusing her of endangering everyone on campus by “playing Dangergrrl” instead of keeping out of the way. They keep on arguing until Willow shows up, holding a skull. Imaginations start running wild…until they see Arch crawling from the well’s smoking remains. (Seems like the rumors are true.)

Harlan yells, “You okay, Arch?”

Arch gives the thumbs-up sign…and then throws up into the hole.

The girls stand there, dumbfounded. & What happens next is even more bizarre. A group of people assembles from every direction, mostly students with a few faculty members and campus security. They’re at the scene not out of concern for Arch or Harlan or Buffy…but because of the explosion…since they’re a part of a ghoulish betting pool where cash is won by those who correctly guesses the strength of a blast in accordance to a rating system. (Anywhere from a ‘1” for a simple smoke and mirror effect to a ‘10’…’where they’ve yet to identify all the body parts’, puts one participant.)

The campus DeeJay moderates the whole Pool, Marvelous Mad Marvin, who’s there to check out the scene. Marvin confers with Orson and a member of Campus Security and then announces the results of the Pool will be on tomorrow’s broadcast. Disappointed by the delay, the crowd disperses.

Harlan complains, “ Jeesh, Orson. Why don’t we say we’ve set off that sucker just to impress the tour? The way you were taking to Marv and Frank…”

“Look, meathead.” Orson retorts. “The crowd was getting ugly and I had to defuse the situation. It’s Marvin’s contest anyhow, and he wouldn’t like the idea of us setting up a Number Seven just to settle a few debts. Besides, they know we don’t profit directly from this. Our cut goes straight to paying any insured damage.”

Buffy adds her displeasure to the conversation; giving her fear for Arch’s safety and the safety of the others on the campus tour and what right does someone have on making a ‘Boom Pool’ over…

Orson coolly cuts her off, saying it’s a private affair and is none of her business and she and her little friend should get back to the tour group to get zombied over the scholastic high life of UCS. “You don’t like the Pool,” he adds. “Go to Berkley. They only bet on the protests going riot.”

He and Harlan then start walking toward Arch, who’s now on his feet but still weak from the ordeal. As he leaves, Orson gives Willow directions to the Anthropology Department where she can drop off the skull. Harlan adds, “And don’t let Dr. Imus dicker ya over your payment. The price for a skull here is 300 hundred. It ain’t a candle-lit dinner discussion over the charms of Lotharios. He tries that, report his ass to Student Affairs.” Soon Steve joins the two and they help Arch on their way to the Campus Hospital.

Buffy and Willow stand there alone. With only their prize as company. Buffy then says, “ You’re right. How often does stuff like that happen in campus life or Sunnydale for that matter. Quiet. Peaceful.” She points to Willow’s new friend. “Pretty.”

Willow mopes, “ Oh…kiss my skull, Buffy.”

“Gladly.” Then she breaks into a giggling fit. Willow gives a half-stern look, and then joins in. So college life at UCS wouldn’t be so ordinary. So what? Their lives were not of the average high school Senior, anyway. They decide to continue their tour after dropping off ‘Smiley’ All would be well with the world…for awhile

It’s now the first day of the fall semester at UCS. The summer after GRADUATION DAY was not all that pleasant for the Scooby Gang. Buffy and Giles had to answer to the Council over their actions during the Ascension and with Faith (whose still in a coma and under a 24 hour watch in the event she ever regains consciousness.) before being reinstated as Slayer and Watcher. Buffy also had to deal with Angel’s leaving. She didn’t even know about his moving to Los Angles with Cordelia until she received a letter from ‘Anne’ (the girl formerly known as Lily and whom Buffy had saved on two occasions.) chronicling her encounter with the pair as well as update of her life so far (‘Anne’ is now taking night classes in computer programming and web site design and is considering marriage with one of her classmates.). Xander’s thoughts are on Cordelia, the feeling he had for her still burn strong…especially after Anya broke up with him violently and stole his uncle’s car, vowing to get her powers back and get him ‘fixed real good’. (“I liked that car.” He moans. “It’s a symbol of my freedom, my manhood, my mojo!” “Xander,” Buffy answers. “Real men don’t drive blue ’57 Chevys.” “Or date Evil Girl when she goes psycho.” Adds Willow.) Oz had a better summer. Though The Dingoes broke up (The drummer had become a victim of the vampire assault during Graduation Day and the rest of the band members took the loss hard.), he enjoyed his summer with his family and Willow at a rental cottage on a lake with a large fenced-in backyard for his…personal moments. Willow had been the luckiest of the group. Her days were full with nature trails and skinny-dipping with Oz. (They even shared an underwater kiss or three.) Her nights, listening to jazz and Oz’s heartbeat (except when he was…away.). And in between, undergoing a rigorous crash course in advance spell-casting under the supervision of Amy (once she finally figured out how to reverse the rat spell) while she was tutoring her for the summer school exams. The last Willow heard of Amy, she had passed with flying colors and was off to LA to live with relatives while studying at film school.) But even she was reminded of the past events and her involvement with them…the way her parents looked at her with concern and dreaded whenever she went out, the still visible scars of Sunnydale High as workers broke ground of The Richard Wilkins Memorial Library (evidently in the works even though the class action lawsuit against his estate by the survivors for criminal negligence had all but destroyed his reputation.), the empty feeling of familiar faces now gone. (“I can’t even look at my yearbook without crying.” She said to Giles during a break from a tutoring session. “ I keep seeing Larry, Harmony, Snyder…dead. I even weep for Faith sometimes.” Giles confines, “We all have to go through some mourning, Willow. There will always be whispers and rumors of what happened. You and the others will be scrutinized the most since your classmates will talk about your actions during the Ascension. You will not be as trusted as you were before.”) Indeed, the next few weeks will be crucial if The Gang has any hope of acceptance into their new college.

They’re not the only ones who are about to enroll in the crash course of Prep To Trail By Fire 101. The Science Boyz have troubles of their own.

“ I have always consider myself an open minded man. Just because I’m Dean of a major college doesn’t mean I’m blind to the student lifestyle….” Dr. Anton Wormwood says this at the beginning of each and every disciplinary hearing. One recipient liken it to ‘the sound of your dreams being slammed on the ass by the door.’ Very few people hearing that speech ever stay on campus…as students anyway. The Science Boyz are the latest victims of The Wormwood Manifesto. The charges read like a grocery list:

Unsafe laboratory procedures…

(Steve: “Hey, it’s not like we plan these things. 9:43- pour Red chemical in beaker. 9:44- mix with Green chemical. 9:47- Run like hell!”)

Gambling on school property…

(Orson: “As if Marvin’s little franchise of ‘Whose sleeping with Gwyneth Paltrow?’ doesn’t ring a bell?”)

Behavior unbecoming a student of UCS…

(Arch, pale, sickly, a little weak but still blustering with indignation: ‘Now just a minute! That day, I was soaked in a highly corrosive chemical…and…and the girls’ locker room was the closest shower I could get to…and I didn’t know the cheerleading squad and the girls soccer team had finished practice and were washing up…and I had to take off my clothes. I couldn’t see without my glasses anyway. I mean, they understood my blight once I’d explained what happened. Two of the soccer players helped wash me off while the cheerleader captain loaned me her tracksuit.”

Wormwood: “You wore it for six hours!”

Arch: “I forgot my dorm key…we couldn’t find the duplicate. Everyone was open-minded once I told them the story. Look, whatever they’re saying, the soccer team is not sending me naked photos of themselves. I swear!”

Harlan, looking at Arch: “You lucky bastard! I tried sneaking into the girls’ locker room once and the football team had me hanging from the third story window by my under-“

Wormwood: “Enough!”)

…And of course…

(Wormwood: “And furthermore, may I remind Mr. Harlan King of the considerable time and expense the alumni society has put into demythologizing some of the more colorful aspects of the University of California-Sunnydale…one of them being its now former name of ‘Dark Moor College.”

Harlan: “Oh, like some good ol’ fashioned whitewash doublespeak is gonna make people forget about fun loving Dark Moor. Such as the Aleister Crowley speech where twenty people went nuts and thought they were animals. Or the experimental drug tests the CIA did which had a few students leaving feet first. Or even that film crew who were doing a documentary of this place back when it was a 18th Century Spanish monastery and the legend about the priests freaking out with the locals and committing mass murder ‘cause they’d thought the place was crawling with demons. Hell, you remember what happened when those wannabe Fellinis tried to shoot in the abandoned Astronomy Building. One guy’s eyes started bleeding. Another thought he heard voices and suddenly had blisters all over his face. And that director chick started doubling over and screaming like she was giving birth and blood coming down her legs…only she was screaming in Latin and all the windows started to…”

Orson, annoyed as hell: “We get the picture, Harlan!”)

Wormwood just shakes his head and wonders where the hell did Harlan get this nonsense…even though that ‘nonsense’ is in the University’s Sealed Archives, kept from the public for obvious reasons. He then assesses the situation: Academically, the Boyz are the top of their class, of the whole campus in fact. Orson is a few credits short of his doctorate, Harlan and Steve are close to completing their Bachelor degrees and becoming eligible for their doctorate studies, and Arch is so far ahead in his independent studies, he would’ve received both his Bachelor’s and Doctorate degrees last year with a huge research grant to keep him busy with lectures and R&D for the rest of his life…if his sudden illness hadn’t fouled things up.

“But,” he continues as his finger travels down the Boyz’ ‘rap sheets’. “Your little escapades have cost this school dearly. The actions of these past years and particularly the last semester have left me with very few options.” He then draws out four folders from his desk.“For the next few weeks, you’re going to be Shepherds.”

The Boyz are shocked to say the least. Harlan, naturally, is the most vocal. “Oh, this is bullshi…garbage. You want us to be glorified baby-sitters!” He starts to get up from his chair. “Screw this! I’m leaving.” Wormwood uses The Voice and tells him to sit down.

He continues his speech. “I’m glad you’re familiar with our quaint intervention program. It has kept some of the more colorful elements in line. And since these four are as colorful as they come, perhaps the two groups will cancel each other out. These students are the ringleaders of Sunnydale High’s day of infamy. I don’t care how the media portrayed them as heroes against those terrorists who killed the Mayor and some of the Senior Class, not to mention my personal friend frat brother Principal Snyder. All I know and care about is they are a potential menace. A catalyst for disaster if I’ve ever seen one. Ordinarily, students with your…assorted record wouldn’t even be allowed to ‘shepherd’ these waifs, so I had to pull some strings to have you partnered with them. You are to help them adjust to college life, tell them and show them all the sights the group orientation couldn’t cover, and keep them out of trouble for the next two weeks. You do your job…” He points to their disciplinary reports. “…And these will be an unpleasant memory. I will personally expunge every incident and screw-up you have ever committed on this campus. You’ll be as pure as virgin snow…” He looks at Harlan. “…If such a thing is possible.”

“And what if we…’screw up’?”. Orson asks.

Wormwood pulls out four individual sheets of paper…their expulsion papers. “These are signed…but not dated. Any little peep or nonsense of a major sort and you’ll be out on your ass within forty-eight hours. And your scholarship and research grants will be forfeited to UCS for any damages and penalties incurred.”

Steve protests. “But that’s illegal. That money is…”

“Under a morality clause.” Wormwood interjects. “Which we have yet to enforce because I have people to answer to myself. They like having a prestige college to feather their egos with and when problems crop up, they feel squeezed. And then they squeeze me and then I have to squeeze someone in turn.”

“Great.” Harlan moans. “We’re the domino theory.”

Arch replies “Actually it’s trickle-down hysterics.”

“More like blackmail to me, baby.” Steve adds.

“Call it anything you wish, gentlemen, but I have your ‘nuts in a vice’. Break it down in whatever way you see fit. But I hear one thing involving explosions, gambling, or unisex bathing and it’s your ass!” Wormwood smiles and the image of a Great White creep into the Science Boyz minds. There is no denying it. They are screwed! “Do I make myself clear?”

“Crystal.” Orson answers, a shell of himself now.

The Science Boyz walk out of the Dean’s Office, the black clouds trailing them and their futures. Harlan starts to complain about how much denial Wormwood was in. Between the experiments and classwork, they couldn't possibly deal with freshmen. "Especially freshmen with pyromanical tendencies." Orson then tells him about the excuse note in each folder. They won’t miss an assignment, but there’s a stipulation barring them from doing any research or experiments. They can clean up and restock the lab, but nothing more. “Besides,” Orson says. “Our last little accident took out most of the equipment. We won’t be doing any research for now…unless it’s on paper.”

Arch moans in discomfort and hold his stomach. Steve asks him what’s wrong. “The usual. Too much stress. Too much work. My stomach doing the slam dance. I think it’s getting worse.”

Harlan asks him how long has this attack been. Arch answers, “Three days. That new medication doesn’t work anymore. I threw up twice before our little meeting with Herr Heydrich.”

Orson is incensed. How dare he go to the meeting when he should be in bed…or at the hospital. Harlan is more blunt. “Cripes, man! You’ve been having these attacks off and on since that incident at the Astronomy Building.”

“Yeah. Eight months today.”

“God!” Orson freaks. “That’s it. You’re going to the hospital right now. Wormwood can find someone else to play tour guide.”

Arch shakes his head. Wouldn’t do any good since the doctors couldn’t find anything wrong with him. “They’re giving me the ‘Go see the psychiatrist.’ Run-around. They don’t believe I could handle a round of Roughhouse Eddy’s jalapeno and tequila babyback ribs once upon a time.”

Steve retorts, “I can’t believe anyone can handle his cooking.”

“Be serious. The doctors are suggesting I get pulled out of school because of this. They think it’s Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder. All the blow-ups and running around. The chemical alerts and stuff.’

Harlan is now very pissed. “The nerve of that son of a bitch Wormwood giving you a Shepherd’s detail when you oughta be doing a desk job. I’m telling that bastard off right now.”

Arch stops him in his tracks. “Wouldn’t do any good. He’ll just think it’s a trick and kicks us all out. I’ll be okay.”

Harlan relents, though he’s not too convinced. He remembers the canisters of freeze-dried food, the only thing Arch can eat beyond his Aunt Selena’s homemade chocolate chip cheesecake…when other people aren’t trying to steal a slice.

Orson starts making the assignments. One thing is obvious from the start: There are no photos. Being the expert in UCS folklore, Harlan chalks it up to a Shepherd’s List ritual. “It’s some BS about making first impressions and how photos screw things up. They figure the Shepherd meets the Sheep in person and builds the relationship from there. Pure psychology crap.” He ignores him and figures it was a simple error at Admissions because of Sunnydale High’s partial destruction. He reads the students’ names. “Oswald…. Oswald…Jeesh! Arch, you’re good with foreign names. Can you figure this?”

Arch looks at Oz’s folder and shrugs, “This last name’s got more consonants than a ‘Wheel Of Fortune’ category. Say he’s into music though.” Steve picks him, figuring they can do some jams. “What if he’s a tuba player?” jokes Harlan.

“You know I’d jam with anyone.” He smiles.

Harlan has a harder time finding his ‘college buddy’. After badmouthing Buffy ("Prom Queen Sacrificial Lamb!") and Willow ("Jeesh! Someone's overcompensated at their Woodstock conception. Why ain’t she at Oxford? They love freaks like her.”) Orson gives him Xander’s file. “& I don’t want to hear any bitching about this guy from you. You’re stuck with him. Get used to it.”
The last two choices are easy. “Arch, you get to keep this Willow Rosenberg character company. Looks like I got the ringleader.” Orson says as he looks into Buffy’s file. “How the hell did this chick managed to graduate with so much disciplinary notices?”

“It’s the liberal education, man.”, Harlan jokes. “They train the killers and we have to teach them English.”

Orson curses him out under his breath. “’Buffy Summers’. With a name like that, no wonder she’s trouble.”

Steve turns to him and replies. “I thought we were the official troublemakers.”

Arch laughs, “Wormwood figures eight loose cannons aren’t worth the ulcer. He’s gonna try his damnedest to get us expelled.”

Harlan snorts, “Screw him! I dealt with clowns harder than him, including the late Principal Snyder. I outlasted them all.”

“Harlan, you got suspended three times under Snyder.”

“Didn’t get expelled though.”

“That’s because he got transferred on your Senior year.”

“Well, then. I was right about outlasting that fruit.”

Arch only moans in frustration, disgust…and nausea. Orson tells him to go to the dorm and take his medication while he tries to find where their new ‘friends’ will be billeted. Steve and Harlan follow, just to make sure Arch doesn’t faint or drop dead. This has not been a good day for the Science Boyz.

…And it’s about to get even worse. For inside a nearby stormdrain, a pair of angry eyes glows red with hatred. A girl’s voice utters a single word…”Buffy!”

The history of Dark Moor once again haunts the living.

Rupert Giles is a happy man, in spite of recent events. He’s been through three kinds of hell, but he’s still alive and a Watcher. He’s almost lost Buffy twice, but she’s still alive and under his guidance. (For long seems to be the thorny issue, but he has pride of her independence and he will not interfere with that.) He has lost the library in a noble sacrifice, but from those ashes arises his true calling…teaching. As the new permanent lecturer on ancient and contemporary folklore, he can now endow some of his wisdom to the fresh eager minds…whether they chose to retain that knowledge is a matter left to the Fates. But he doesn’t mind. Here, he’s among equals. Of course, Dean Wormwood is more like a certain not so nice word Buffy and Willow sometimes mutter under their breath, but at least he’s not like Snyder…most of the time.

As he collects his materials for his first class, Giles muses over re-newing old acquaintances. He runs into one of them at the Campus Administration Office…Orson, who has just received the dorm room assignments for the Scooby Gang. They hug each other like it was a reunion at the VFW. Giles was a guest lecturer on the campus prior to his assignment as Buffy’s Watcher. The subject he specialized in at the time was Religious Symbolism Of The Ancient World, a very obvious cover for his real mission…investigating the reason for the ritual suicide/murder of nine students know on campus as ‘The Brownie Incident.’ Orson was a freshman then in his class and the two struck up a friendship. They talked about the goings-on of the school and the history of the Dark Moor in-between racquetball games and double dates at the local jazz festivals. (Of course, Orson doesn’t know about Giles’ ‘Night Job’ and therefore has no clue of the real events of Graduation Day. To him and the rest of the world, it was a group of disgruntled dropouts taking out their frustrations in a BIG way. [“It wasn’t unlike Combine.” Giles explains while holding back the details of the Mayor’s Ascension and the vampire putsch. “Short on body count, but over the top on collateral damage.” “They still haven’t found all the bodies yet.” Inquires Orson. “Well, it was a big explosion. Perhaps the fire consumed them” Giles reasons.] ) When asked about his present doing, Orson tell him about the Shepherd’s List, omitting the deal with Wormwood and the identities of the students to be ‘Shepherded’. Giles jokes about having too many warlocks at the caldron and hopes the new charges learn something beyond emergency evacuation procedures. Orson laughs it off, knowing in the back of his mind if there’s anything beyond a firecracker pop, the Science Boyz will be doing some evacuating of their own.

The meeting of two different cultures is never an easy matter. College is no exception. Steve and Harlan arrive at Oz and Xander’s dorm room at a particularly inopportune moment. Seems Xander was dealing with the matter of roomie signs and signals. As in how to tell the other to leave or not come in because there’s a girl in the room and she wants to know one of them…privately. Oz couldn’t care more. He has Willow. They have Buffy’s understanding. They know of three motels with reasonable rates and they have the spare key to Willow’s Aunt Diane’s Bed and Breakfast given on the understanding that it’s for their use only. Rough translation: NO FRAT PARTIES! (Xander doesn’t know about the key. And if he did, his friendship with Willow and Oz would be dead in a New York minute.) That’s enough for him. Xander continues making pointless points, figuring after dealing with Inca mummies, rogue Slayers, and psycho ex-goddesses, his love life has got to improve.

In come Steve and Harlan. They tell our heroes of the Welcome Wagon tradition for selected freshmen. For the next two weeks, they will be their guides to the fun spots on and off campus (while secretly making sure they don’t end up at some of the more colorful spots, like the bar that had the biker lesbian/football team riot last August.). Oz and Steve hit it off immediately. The minute Steve sees the guitar, he starts taking about his six-string Toledo Special and his hot acoustic licks at the coffee bar Soup’son. Oz in turn talks about his admiration of the Gypsy Kings and their ballads of love and sorrow. Then the discussion goes to Miles Davis and Sonny Sharrock and an eventual agreement to ‘do a gig’. Oz has now found a new band, or at least a new band member.

Xander and Harlan have a harder time establishing rapport. Because of his Science Boyz’ association and his own abrasive personality, Harlan’s not much of a babe magnet and can’t help in Xander’s quest for women. And Xander’s futile attempts at humor don’t win him many brownie points. Harlan wonders if it’s too late to change places with Arch. “An introverted bookworm hippie wannabe computer geek would be preferable to this git.” He moans to himself as another Xanderism falls on its ass.

Arch and Orson’s rendezvous with Buffy and Willow has a lot more excitement, perhaps a bit too much for Arch’s taste. As the two near the Slayer’s and the Wiccan’s dorm room, he excuses himself to go to the bathroom. Orson expresses concern, but Arch reassures him. “I just need some water. I’ll be right back.” Orson nods in agreement, telling him they’ll wait for him and continues on his way. What Arch didn’t tell his friend is that he was so nervous about making a good impression for Willow…he skipped on his medication. It makes him drowsy, so much so in fact that he has fallen asleep on several occasions during class. (He has taken to recording the lectures on tape so he wouldn’t fall behind.) Add to that the stress of meeting someone new and being asked (no, demanded) to keep her out of trouble for the next two weeks and a bland lunch of freeze-dried lasagna equals a very anxious tummy. Arch throws some water on his face and keeps repeating, “I must not muck up. I must not muck up. I must not muck up….” This doesn’t help.

Willow and Buffy are just settling in as Arch is giving himself a pep talk. Willow is putting her herb pots on the window ledge, hoping there’s enough sunlight and fresh air for them to grow. Buffy jokes about the campus police busting them for growing narcotics on school grounds. Willow shrugs it off, saying, “You know these plants are beneficial. You can’t get high off of rosemary and jasmine.” Then she thinks for a moment and adds, “Besides, Mom told me the hallucinogenic mushrooms was for herself.”

Buffy laughs. She remembers how Mrs. Rosenberg disapproved of her daughter’s Wiccan beliefs to the point of attempted murder, only to embrace them soon after Graduation Day and her own close brush with death. She wonders how Mr. Rosenberg is dealing with his wife’s new hobby…or her tendency to do her tai chi in the nude.

Willow finishes her floral arranging and decides to make some tea. “Something to help us celebrate our becoming roomies…not that a little creative computer hack helped out in the process.” Buffy smiles. As Willow fills the kettle, there’s a knock at the door. Buffy opens it…and sees Orson. He’s about to go into the ‘Hello, I’m Orson and I will be your unofficial guide to UCS.’ Routine…when he recognizes her.

“You!” Orson yells. “You’re Buffy Summers?”

“Well, well.” She beams back. “The Mad Bomber himself. Where’s the rest of your ‘Danger UXB’ group? Or had they blown town already?”

They continue their verbal combat when Arch finally arrives. Buffy takes one look at him and her fury is somewhat stilled. Arch doesn’t look so hot and watching the argument hasn’t helped matters. “Guys! Guys! Guys! Cut it out! You’re giving me a headache.” He screams. He looks into the dorm room for Willow. She comes out from the kitchenette to see what the commotion is all about. The two finally meet…and all hell breaks loose.

Up to now, Arch has never had trouble with women…mainly because he had never felt overtly attracted to them. Oh, there are a few girls he does like, particularly the one who helped him wash up during the chemical accident. (She is on the soccer team, her name is Elizabeth, and she has the hots for him. In fact, she has been asking about Arch for some time since the accident. Even asking him if he wanted her to teach him how to swim when she discovered he didn’t know how.) But he never felt the urge to be intimate with…anyone.

The minute he sees Willow, all that changes. Suddenly, a passage from memory creeps up to mind. He just stands there, looking at her, and recites it. “ ‘And Hades looked up and discovered the muse with the bewitching song. He saw Persephone; Her hair, scented with wild flowers and honeydew. Her skin, white and silken as cream. Her eyes, laughing in the sunlight and never knowing the tears of sorrow and loss. Her very essence was a beacon of joy and life, of all the things he yearned for yet could not have, for Destiny had set him on a different path and he could not deny what he was. Hades just sat on his black onyx throne and for the first time wept. He now knew what his subjects felt when they had crossed the river Styx and into his realm. And…’ ”

“ ‘…And such was his sorrow, he decided to defy his lord Zeus and vowed to walk amongst the living. To chance upon the young goddess and make her his Queen.’ “ Willow finishes the passage. “ ‘The Sacrifice Of Persephone by Anonymous’ It’s one of my favorite novels. How did you…”

Arch couldn’t answer. In fact, he couldn’t talk anymore because his stomach had given its two-minute warning. He rushes into the dorm room and to the bathroom and let nausea takes its course.

What a way to start a friendship.

If Arch wasn’t feeling so good at the beginning, he was particularly piss poor by the time he was out of the bathroom and sitting (well, more like lying) on the couch. Orson is yelling at him for not taking his medication. Buffy in turn is yelling at Orson for hauling a sick man around campus. And Willow…Willow is just sitting there wet washcloth in hand, looking at Arch kinda…odd. Not distant, but not really involved in the scene either. She suspects something about his illness, but she needs quiet and privacy…and her crystals. Dealing with Arch while having two cackling hens squawking about will not do at all.

“Guys.” She says softly, so softly Buffy and Orson thought it was the wind. “Arch has had a bad day. I’m gonna give him something to help him sleep for awhile.”

“But I’m suppose to guide ya around campus.” Arch whines as he tries to get up. Willow stops him.

“After your little episode, you’re in no condition to take me anywhere. Or even to argue with me.” She touches his shoulder gently. “It’s only a little nap. Thirty minutes, I promise. You’re not in a hurry for something, are you?”

Arch ponders for a moment and decides to trust her judgment. Willow shushes the other away, telling them to start without her. She then goes to the kitchenette, mixes some herbs in a cup with some hot water, and gives it to her new friend. “This will help you for awhile. You’re gonna have to sleep on my bed. This couch isn’t very comfortable, I’m afraid. It’s a hand-me-down from my Aunt Diane.” She helps him walk to her bed. Arch drinks the potion, grimacing at the taste. “I know it tastes awful. That’ll pass. I’m sort of an expert on home remedies.”

“Really? I thought you were a Net head.”

“It’s a balance…and a struggle. Perhaps I’ll tell ya about it sometime.”

Arch’s face lights up a little. Suddenly his head starts to swim. He finds it hard to focus on her smile or anything else. He almost drops the cup, but she does a quick dive and saves it. “Okay, sleepyhead. Time for the medicine to kick in. Now you just lie face up and look at the crystal hanging from the ceiling”. She points to the dreamcatcher she had hung over her bed. Arch couldn’t help snickering a little as he falls to sleep. Almost as an afterthought, she kisses him on the forehead. He murmurs a thank you before dozing off. Willow stands up and says a prayer to Gaia for inner strength and the hope his problems are more of bad diet than her darkest fear…then she goes to work.

One of the abilities Amy taught her during the intense Wicca training was known simply as The Sight. The Sight basically enables a Wicca to see things no one else notices or cares to notice. Using crystals helps amplify The Sight and certain stones filter out background noises for a clearer picture. Willow uses an amethyst to screen out Arch’s drugged stupor. What she sees is horrifying. Inside of his stomach, glowing a sickly yellow is an infant demon…and it’s growing! She puts down the crystal and ponders her next move. She estimates how long the demon has been feeding off Arch and shudders over the results.

Unless she arrests the parasite’s development and force it out into the open before maturity…Archibald Kelly Hannigan Junior has about two weeks left to live!

The Wolf on the Shepherd: Part II

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