I know, this column poses a lot of questions, like "Why do fashion designers make us dress like fools?" or "Why does the board of eductation actually allow Miss Temple to sub?" or "What idiot writes this column, anyway?". Well, this column is devoted entirely to questions. If you can answer any of them, you may be a genius or a fool.

My first question: who dicovered cow milk? If you read Calvin and Hobbes (My personal favorite comic strip) by Bill Waterson, you may be familiar with this question. Did some guy, like maybe Adam, the first man, put his noggin under a cow teet and squeeze? When Adam was naming the animals, did he also try squeezing various parts of their bodies, until he came to the cow? I know that someone discovered the concept of milk by the time that Leviticus was written, "Never boil a kid [goat] in his mother's milk," but that doesn't tell us that they had cow milk.

While we're on the topic of foods, who invented bread? I mean, there is a long and complicated process required in taking wheat (a really disgusting-tasting plant), grinding it into flour (a really gross-tasting plant by-product), and then baking bread (a pretty good food). This must have been discovered by the end of Genesis (Y'know, with Joseph and all that).

Did Jesus wear underwear? Was underwear invented back then? Why do we wear underwear?