Regarding Autism or Asperger's Syndrome, nothing else happened in my life until October 1997. I hadn't heard or seen anything about either condition in the press or on Television since the QED programme that was shown in late April 1995.
I first heard of Asperger's Syndrome for the first ever time in early October 1994, exactly three years earlier. Several weeks later, on Monday 21st November 1994, I heard of the Internet for the first ever time. The reverse was true in 1997. On Monday 8th September I used the Internet for the first time and five weeks later it was suggested to me that I had Asperger's Syndrome.
On Thursday 16th October 1997 I fell into a casual conversation with someone who I have known since Saturday 29th January 1994. That day, I met him for the first time in the coffee bar on my town's central library. I sat at his table because there was nowhere else to sit and the coffee bar was packed out with the regulars who frequented it at that time. I remember the date because I bought, of all books, "One Flew over the Cuckoo's nest" by Ken Kesey, from Oxfam for 99 pence.
I am not normally a fiction fan but I wanted to see how much this book was like the film I had seen on video for the first time, six days earlier, on Sunday 23rd January 1994, at a time when I had never heard of Asperger's Syndrome. David first came across the condition by reading a book about psychiatric conditions in May 1996. That led to his Asperger diagnosis on Tuesday 7th January, 1997, at the age of 34 and a half.
Getting back to October 1997, we talked about generalities for a while then he suddenly changed the tone of the conversation by dropping a remark of which I immediately challenged him about.
"I think you are one of us".
Puzzled, my reaction was...
"What do you mean, one of us? who are us?"
"By saying that..er...I think that..erm....you have got Asperger's Syndrome".
"What do you know about it?".
"I have got it. I was diagnosed with it at the beginning of this year".
"What makes you think that I have got it?".
"I have seen your behaviour and the things that you are interested in. The calendar calculating skills that you have gives it away. I also remember the time a few years ago (I think the incident he referred to occurred in June 1994) when you approached me and bluntly joined in a conversation when I was talking to someone else. You just barged in. There are many of your interests and many of the things you talk about. All of which make me think that you have got Asperger's Syndrome. You are nearly as obvious as I am, and I am obvious as hell".
"I will tell you what, I shall look it up on the Internet and research it. I know a lot about Autism but not very much about Asperger's Syndrome to be honest. If this is true, well...I don't know what to say".
I suppose as they say in life, it takes one to know one!
I owe David a great deal. He met someone on the Internet who also has the condition in late 1997. She lives in Finland. At Easter 1998 she came over to England to visit him and as I recall, just before he went over there. I saw a lot of him in the final 12 months of his time here. He moved to Finland on Tuesday 11th August 1998 and we shook hands and I wished him well. Alas we have now lost touch, and to date, that was the final ever time that I have seen him. I will always be grateful for his intervention that Autumn day in 1997, but I think it was only going to be a matter of time before I learned I had it.
As 1997 drew to a close I privately conceded to myself that I could have Asperger's Syndrome. I say could. What I didn't do at this stage was make any moves towards getting a diagnosis. Looking back this was one of the stupidest things I have ever done, but I had my reasons for embarking upon this course of action. I also didn't tell hardly anyone that I suspected I could have AS.
The main reasons for me not doing so were....
A) I thought that everything in life might, against the odds, still work out for me. In many ways it still hasn't. If negative and hostile attitudes continue to prevail in society against those who have invisible disabilities, it never will.
B) The public image of those affected with Autism is that of people who cannot talk, are repetitive in their behaviour and who sit in a corner rocking all day.
C) I didn't want to upset people by telling them I have a condition they probably won't understand.
D) I hadn't been diagnosed yet. Although I was 99% sure that I had it, what if the 1% chance that I hadn't got Asperger's was proved? It would leave me looking stupid.
Although I have since told more people that I have got this condition, the above reasons are still why I have been selective about who I told and who I haven't. The intervention was welcome, and I am extremely grateful for it, but I believe that it would have been only a matter of time before I found out myself anyway.
I saw a programme about Autism on Channel Four on the evening of Monday 1st December 1997. I wasn't impressed with it. As usually is the case, it featured an extreme and stereotypical example. I don't like stereotypes. Due to this programme, nothing much else happened on the diagnosis front. I didn't really pay much attention to Asperger's Syndrome for the next 20 months and tried to focus on other things in my life. The condition would be brought to my attention though, and this time it wouldn't be shaken off.....
