May 2003 - Paint My Nails
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31 May 2003 - The Perfect Drug
- Its aleve, of course. I've been kept in all day today by the thunderstorms ravaging DC and a sudden sick feeling I acquired after the gym this morning. No matter, I ordered Papa Johns and have been watching movies, reading, and playing Zelda all day. Nice to have a day to just veg and relax, though I'm rather disappointed I don't feel up to going out and doing something in the city. This guy Seth I met when I first moved in invited me to go to the movies with him and his roommate, but I didn't feel well enough, and even if I had, I had already committed to dinner with Justin. Still haven't bought a plane ticket to California yet. I should really get on that. I just am waiting for my invite to be forwarded from the parents. Just so I can be sure I'm doing the right thing with times and San Jose and whatnot. So, hm, what else have I been up to? I finally hooked up the external speakers to my laptop today. They've been sitting in a box on my bedroom floor since I arrived. Harman Kardon. They sound alright, but I should've spent the extra $30 or whatever and gotten a subwoofer too. I miss my Altec-Lansings... Anyhoo, I'm dreading writing up the HTML for June. I haven't a clue on colors, band, or layout yet. Just been too busy for creativity. I'm missing home a bit, but it really is such a nice change to get out on my own for awhile. When I first arrived, I was a little freaked about having my own place. Things like whether or not I had left burners on, or the toaster plugged in, and the door locked - all started to worry me a bit more. Sleeping alone knowing there was no one just in the next room to protect me in the face of trouble was an easier adjustment than I expected. Sirens passing my room at all hours of the day and night (I live right off Penn Ave) provided a somewhat unnerving backdrop. I'm realizing the multitude of responsibilities that come with being on one's own. And it makes me feel really good. Cause despite all that, I'm doing it. Doing what I wanted to do, getting out on my own, and BEING FINE. It's pretty fucking cool when I stop and think about it. I'm the kind of person who enjoys having responsibilities, especially when I can meet them. Anyways, I'm feeling a bit dizzy again, going to return to the couch. Hopefully tomorrow the weather and my head will agree its okay for me to go out and peruse Washington. 30 May 2003 - The Beauty of Being Numb
- Thanks go out to Sandhya for bringing this extraordinarily fucked up article to my attention. Here. I'm a little to shocked to comment at the moment, but I'm sure I'll have plenty to say once I cool off a bit. Thanks, S. Miss you. 29 May 2003 - Something I Can Never Have
- So yah, I just decided to say a big "fuck it" to organizing all my little scraps of paper into lots o' html for the past week. So here's whats been up. I moved into my new place. It's really nice, and its just me living here. A four room appartment to myself - kitchen, bathroom, living room, bedroom. It's big enough for 3 people, but so far its just me. Toby came on Monday to stay for a few nights. We had fun on Memorial Day (monday.) We went to the Smithsonian Freer Gallery to see the last day of an exhibit of Japanese woodblock prints. Beautiful. And we went out to Legal Sea Food for dinner. Was pretty good. Tuesday brought work again. We got another intern; her name is Nicole, she's from Yale, she seems pretty cool. I got to work in the press office (over in the capitol) this week which was fun. Which pretty much brings us to today. After work I played a bit of Zelda on my NEW GAME CUBE!!! I finally got one. Toysrus was having a sweet deal - a cube, a starter kit, and 3 games for $200. So good stuff. After that I went over to Toby, Justin, & Brookes' appartment to eat dinner. It was nice not to be eating alone. Now I'm on the computer chattin up some folks I haven't spoken to in awhile. I'm catching up with Jules which is really nice. I love to read her xanga, she's such an interesting girl. I am going to try hard to hang out with her when I come home in August. Anyhoo, wanna relax, gone for now... 23 May 2003 - Hurt
- Damn you, mother nature, for all this rain. I was sad my day in the city was a little dreary, but I had fun nonetheless. I went to the national geographic society. They currently have an exhibit on Sir Edmund Hillary - first to make the climb to the top of Mt. Everest in 1953. It was a cool exhibit. Informative and interactive. Sadly I missed "Geographica" which was here before this one, and now there won't be a new one till September, but oh well. After that I just wandered around the golden triangle for awhile (a snooty shopping district in DC near NATGEO.) I bought a parka for $18 at Filene's Basement - thanks go out to Alan for being the one to introduce me to that store. Then I went to the Reagan Trade Plaza and saw a piece of the Berlin wall. Crazy stuff. Now I'm heading back to Alexandria, since Jennifer needs help moving the baby furniture which is being delivered. A4N. 22 May 2003 - I Do Not Want This
- Well, I do and I don't. I want to be able to get assigned cool shit, but I don't want to be able to fuck it up. Today I got to go to a briefing hosted by Congressman Robert C. Scott on the tax cuts. Paula sent me to take notes, collect handouts, and write a memo for the tax LA. I'm nervous that I didn't manage to get all the important info, but hopefully that will not be the case. Anyways, I've got the day off tomorrow, so hopefully I'll be able to wander around the city and do some fun stuff. All for now. 21 May 2003 - Dead Souls
- Hum drum day today. Did a buncha mail, faxes, phones, and data entry. We rushed over to the capitol at one thirty to have our picture taken with nancy, only to find her bitch of a scheduler, Courtney, telling us she had to go and we’ll do it some other time. I hope that actually happens – I want proof that I actually worked for the woman! Anyway. Nothing exciting to tell today. Perhaps tomorrow. Bye kids. 20 May 2003 - Videodrones
- So this morning I got my pass to congress. I look like an official employee now. Minus the big “INTERN” emblazoned in purple letters at the bottom of my pass, that is. And I even got to ride the little subway between the house and the capitol today!! :-D They took me over there to show me our offices, just so I’d know where they were for when I’ll eventually have to go there. Food in the house cafeteria is expensive and not really that good, but my feet hurt too bad in these pumps to walk anywhere further for lunch. So that’s where I’m headed now. See ya. 19 May 2003 - Happiness in Slavery
- first day of work today. Wish me good luck all. 18 May 2003 - Big man with a gun
- DAYS TILL WASHINGTON: 0 17 May 2003 - Last
- DAYS TILL WASHINGTON: 1 16 May 2003 - Down In It
- DAYS TILL WASHINGTON: 2 15 May 2003 - The Art of Self Destruction
- DAYS TILL WASHINGTON: 3 14 May 2003 - The Only Time
- DAYS TILL WASHINGTON: 4 13 May 2003 - March of the Pigs
- DAYS TILL WASHINGTON: 5 12 May 2003 - Ringfinger
- DAYS TILL WASHINGTON: 6 11 May 2003 - Memorabilia
- DAYS TILL WASHINGTON: 7 10 May 2003 - Head Like A Hole
- HEAD = gigantic amounts of hurt. I've taken 4 aleve in the past 6 hours and still no improvement. I've got to learn that even though people think its cool, that much vodka that quickly (even if it doesn't get me drunk) still gives the head some problems on days following. Good thing the only thing I've got to do today is sit around and cut out pictures of flowers for my mother's collage. It is fun though when you get the occasional "Can I take you home?" or "I found my new wife" out of a silly little russian trick. Especially when you follow it with double knotting a cherry stem. {[Achem.}} Sometimes I wonder where that comes from in a girl who is happy to play scrabble and knit every night for the rest of her days... 9 May 2003 - Kinda I Want To
- So after a few lackluster days at home, I'm heading out to seek excitement. Driving to Hofstra tonight with Nikki to visit Ali. She's having this party she's been planning for months. Should be fun, and it'll be nice to go somewhere to get drunk where I'm not sure to cry sometime while I'm there. Speaking of which, that's getting better. I'm feeling less and less extremes of emotion each time I think about it. Though I don't know how it will be when I get closer, and also thinking about her still makes me want to vomit. Though slowly, I'm making progress. 8 May 2003 - Wish
- Happy Birthday to my brother Seth. Blow out the candles, make a wish... 7 May 2003 - That's What I Get
- Well, been home a bit. Been doing boring things - figuring out stuff about summer housing, picking up some last minute things for my appartment, unpacking and packing at the same time, blah de blah de blah. I can't believe I'm actually going. A year ago I talked about how cool it would be to go. And now I'm going. To Washington DC. To live. To work. To learn. I can't really focus on anything write now cause there's just this crazy haze hanging around that makes everything just a little unbelievable. Anyhoo, I've got a Japanese history paper to finish and email by friday, so I'm off to work on that. 5 May 2003 - Driver Down
- Home now. Tired as shit, stayed up practically all night working on my philosophy paper, but I do think I'm finally garnering an understanding of Sartre. And I think I turned out a decent paper in the end. So good. Now its time to collapse and sleep till forever. 4 May 2003 - The Becoming
- I am 17% Geek 3 May 2003 - Closer
- Woe that I had been awake... 2 May 2003 - Ruiner
- AHHHH. So angry. So so angry. Haven't felt this angry in awhile. I'm so fucking poor and the debate team owes me so much money and I'm only going to end up spending more money on them tomorrow. FUCKING MAD. SO mad. Also mad that all of today went by and I still don't understand existentialism any better than yesterday, nor am I any closer to having started my paper. ANGER. And tomorrow my day is going to be divided in two places by driving the remainder of my stuff to my Aunt's to be stored, and then the debate party later on. So I don't know when the fuck I'm going to do all the work I have to do. I want to die. So frustrated. To boot I think I may be changing my mind about what I want to do down at 32. Who knows. For now fuck it all. I need some fucking sleep. 1 May 2003 - A Warm Place
- Well, I swore I was going to write my first draft of my existentialism paper today. That I was going to stay in my room all day and get it done. Guess how many pages I've written? 0!! I took a mental health day. Watched x-men to gear up for tomorrow, slept a lot to make up for lost sleep, looked over my philosophy notes to start thinking about Sartre's definition of heroism, visited with one or two people, and just generally tried to relax. And ordinarily I'd be freaking right about now. But you know what? I've still got tomorrow, and Saturday, and hey, even Sunday too. Shits gonna be fine.
- Current Music (try to stifle the laughter): Robyn - Show Me Love, O-Town - We Fit Together, Will Smith - Wild Wild West...... We all need a little pop every once in awhile...lol
- So if you look at my front page you'll see that I joined a Brandeis webring. I figured, why the hell not? It'll be interesting to track in the next bit o' time and see who else joins.
- One last thing. I took this quiz back in September I think, maybe October, and I got the Mods. Funny to see how things change:
You are Usdan Student Center! You've got the classic Brandeis thing going -- and you love it.
what brandeis location are you?
brought to you by Quizilla
- so this afternoon I got to do something fun again. Put together a booklet of grant proposals from groups in nancy’s district. It was more of an organizational task than a research task, but still important. She needs it in the next few days. Speaking of her, by the way, I haven’t actually seen her yet, aside from on cspan. Rumor goes she’s never even seen the inside of this office. See the representatives change offices after every session, and after the last lottery, she was minority leader, so she was spending all her time over there. We’re supposed to get a chance to quickly meet her tomorrow (and get our picture taken with her) so that’s cool. Alright. Tired. Going.
- one last thing though – to all of you who I’ve been a shithead about keeping in touch with (and this most goes to ali, nikki, and sami – who I hope are going to read this - ) I’M SO SORRY. You just have no clue how busy I’ve been. Lifes a little insane right now, but I’m sure it’ll quiet down a bit once I get into my own place already. Anyways, I miss and love all of you, and will be calling for long phone calls soon. Please don’t hate me.
- alright! I haven’t even been here a day and they are already giving me cool stuff to do. So first I met my two bosses: Paula – office manager, and Terri – chief of staff. There’s only one other intern here right now besides me. His name is steve and he’s nice, and he goes to cornell. He doesn’t know Justin berkowitz or rob glunt though. Or lynn or wendi. Anyhoo. So I started off today in the rayburn office, where we deal with all her district issues (and where almost all the LAs work.) She has 4 offices in the capitol which I’ll eventually get to work in, but not yet. So first they introduced us to all the LAs (there’s a hot one! His name is scott.) then they taught us to use (& answer) the phones. The person I’ll probably see (and refer to) most is Julie, the staff assistant. She basically runs the front part of the office (phones, mail, faxes, people who wander in, tours, recognition letters, etc.) Basic stuff. She’s awesome, she’s only a year older than me, and she kind of looks like Donna from the west wing…lol. After she taught me phones she taught me how to go through the mail and faxes. Its so crazy, we open everyone’s mail who works in all her offices, and more than half of it gets thrown out. Same for faxes. We throw out all letters from regular people that come into the office except for the following: 1) letters from her constituents 2) letters about eagle scout or girl scout gold awards 3) thank you letters or 4) something really extraordinary which needs attention paid to it. So I know I’ll definitely think twice before I ever again write a politician who doesn’t represent me. Anyhow, mail is fun, except for the fact that it makes my hands itch because they irradiate it all for anthrax before it gets sorted. So that’s no fun. But what is fun, or at least funny, is opening letters like the following:
“Dear Nancy,
You will go to hell for your blasphemous views on abortion.
Saved in the blood of Christ,
some random ass southerner."
So anyways, once I did mail and faxes for half the day, and even got to answer phones for a bit while Julie was giving a tour, they decided they had a project for me. I had to search through the text online of last years appropriations bill to find out exactly what all the groups under the DOE, DOL, and DHHS were given in last years budget. Then I had to search through the long reports those departments published this year to find out what they were requesting. I found out when I was done that I had been compiling numbers for a budget report that would go to Nancy herself at a meeting at 10 tomorrow morning. Now of course I’m sure they checked over what I put together like 10 times at least, but it was still cool that they thought it appropriate to teach me how to read bills on my first day. So after working 9 to 6, and an hour and a half commute this morning, I am ready to get home.
- okay, definitely still working on how to do this metrobus thing to Alexandria. Missed bus today, had to take regular metro and then local bus, commute totaled about 2 hours and 15 minutes. BOO. I’ll be glad when I live 5 metro stops away – though I am having fun with jenn & brian.
- happy birthday to dad. Congrats to rach on getting her masters.
- on the train on the way down to dc now. Feel strangely calm about this whole thing. Finally neither scared nor excited. Just expectant. Looking forward to staying with my cousins Jen & Brian for the first week till my apartment opens up. Even though they have a cat (and I’m horribly allergic,) they are both so cool (& Jen’s 8 months pregnant) that I’m sure fun times await both this week and this summer.
- well looks as though its going to be a busy weekend. Last night I went to the drag queen restaurant, “lips,” with ro, alex, Brandon, & alex’s boyfriend matt. It was a lot of fun. Though it was funny I felt a little bad for matt that they had so much fun with him. When we got home from the city, ro and I went over to nikki’s to play video games with her and ali. Fun times as usual. As long as I don’t spend too much money partying this summer, I’m definitely going to buy a cube. Enough of this waiting BS.
- so much left to do, but it’s off to NYC for one of my last nights at home.
- Must stop spending money. Definitely have no money to spend. Stupid debate team. Everyday I get my mail and hope for a chcek,but no luck. {{Sigh.}}
- Apparently, its on its way, says Bragin.
- There is an evil god which controls my lower abdominal section. I'm convinced. Most people have a region of their body which likes to act up sometimes. Well for me, my stomach is abysmal. I hate it. Quoth my away message: "Life would be so much easier if I just didn't have a stomach."
- New glasses! Yay! Goodbye giant plastic frames. For a while you served me well, but with you dies a little of cute rebellious punky Beth. Hello, nice conservative squared wire frames.
- Yeaaaa okay. I just used the word conservative to describe myself. "Holy holy holy holy crap." - Strong Bad ..... Who am I??? [[said in the usual sarcastic overtones]]
- Yay! I got to golf with Ito today. It was so nice to be out there again. Not just practicing at the range like I've done once or twice so far this season, but actually playing. Was a wonderful way to spend the afternoon.
- Fun times at the diner, per usual.
- Ha! Three hours of cube and I'm still not tired! Tetris and lots of Smash. I think I'm finally beginning to get the hang of Link. I remember when I thought that last summer. I thought it, then I met Paul, and never thought it again. He kicked my ass all over the place. I wish Nik could have met him and given him a run for his money. She's pretty damn good at that game. In any case, we had fun times, though there are still 2 foes out there to be encountered! Now I'm beginning to be a bit tired (as it's four AM) so I'm going to sign off and go to sleep. But remember, buddyzoo.com is the answer to boredom.
- Or the swans, depending on where you are. Went with my parents tonight to see NYC Ballet do "Swan Lake." Was very nice. I always love to go see the ballet, it holds a dear place in my heart. Though there also is always a twinge of sadness and regret that I gave it up. I know I probably never could have done anything much with it (puberty prevented it years ago) but it was something that gave me great pleasure, and now I miss. Just like soccer, and oboe, and piano. You can't do things for 7, 8, 9 years and then just not have them as a part of your life. "Without art, I cannot live" somebody once said (I'm sure...lol) and whoever it was, was right.
- Don't you point that thing at me.
- ITO!!! I'm so glad you're home. I missed you, and I'm so glad that we're friends. I'm glad that our silly escapades of summers past have brought us closer rather than farther, and I'm glad that you feel as comfy with me as I do with you. And yay for hopefully playing golf this week. Let's just hope the weather doesn't have it in for us.
- Mother's Day was seemingly a success, and I had fun, so yay for that.
- That previous thought prompted a bunch of musings today. (And believe me that took some effort...) In any case, I begin to wonder really about the grouping we do in our society. About whether people put themselves in groups, or society does. Sartre would tell you that society does. That the other is what defines the self. That the reason we are the way we are is because the other is there to remind us of what we are. But on the other hand, some people would say that it is our own desires to belong that forces us into categories. That in order to have some identity we consciously choose an identity to which we wish to belong. Me personally, I've kind of felt like I don't really belong to any group. Some days I wear a lot of rings and dark makeup, but it doesn't make me goth. Some days I wear big pants, but it by no means makes me a skater or a real raver (even though I go to raves...) Some days I wear silver jewlery and nice shoes to class but it doesn't make me a jap either. Most days I dress like the generic American girl. And I'm happy with that. I'm happy not having to define myself in any certain way. And I like being able to expose people to the different sides of me - especially when it will surprise them. Plus the greatest thing about it is that I myself never get too stuck in any one mindset, or at least I'd like to think that. The thing about it that sucks is that sometimes I think people percieve those differences in my personality/mode of dress as my attempts to be something I'm not. And I think that's because people are so used to the group mentality of "place label X here." And I really wish we could break out of that. But I don't quite know how, or what that would help, for that matter. Anyhoo, just some thoughts I had today.
- AHHHH. I will be forever stereotyped for certain things I think, and that frustrates me.
I wanna be a geek. But I'm not. Why would I even want to be one. Do I think it's fun? I should try writting an online test application at 1 am in my underwear?
Take the Geek Test at fuali.com
- Current Music: Lots and lots of Depeche Mode, Chemical Brothers - Come With Us (Yes, the whole album)
- I think I'm finally, maybe, starting to understand Jean Paul Sartre. I had one of those moments today. You know the moments I'm talking about, where you're reading something, and you've already read it, over and over again, and all of a sudden it hits you, and a long sighing "Ohhhhhhh" escapes your lips releasing all the pent up frustration at a lack of understanding and all of a sudden you know. You are beginning to understand. I love moments like that. Granted I still think he's a crazy motherfucker and for the most part wrong, but at least I'm starting to get him. I've got a fair amount of my paper written, I'm doing well. I just gotta keep this momentum up for the rest of the night.
- All the way back to north and still no tears. I guess it was the right way and right time after all. And thanks. Thanks for everything.
- Current Music: Nick Drake - "Hazy Jane I," The Police - "Don't Stand So Close to Me," Rusted Root - "Send Me on My Way," Mary J Blige - "No More Drama," INXS - "Need You Tonight," Yes - "Owner of A Lonely Heart," Yo La Tengo - "My Little Corner of the World"
- I love you Sami. It'll all be okay. If I can do it, you definitely can do it. I've always found you to be a remarkably strong woman. You're going to be alright.
