The opposite of Kindness is Cruelty.
The opposite of Friendship is Animosity.

It's wrong.

There's no other way to say it, and I'm not going to sweeten the picture, not even for myself. I feel horrid about it, but what can I do? I did not intend to feel like this, but every time I see her, every time she comes over and I think of her in the apartment all by herself, I start to worry. And that worry leads to something that should never be there! Miyako turns in her sleep even as I think this, and I can't help but feel that I have cheated on her, even though I have not done a thing, yet....

Hikari is her best friend, and yet today.... NO!! I must not think of it. It's just wrong. But that poor woman, all alone in this world. Heck, what happened to Takeru? Why did she not stick with him? I'm not sure what happened to them, but a couple of years before Hikari married Iori, Takeru and Hikari just stopped seeing each other. They didn't fight, they just went separate ways, splitting up Tailmon and Patamon. In the end that was a disaster for the two Digimon. They could barely handle it, which makes me question how stoic the two humans acted about it. We all know we have a special bond with our Digimon, so if Tailmon became so depressed she died, how was Hikari feeling all that time, and why did she deny everything between her and Takeru?

The most I was ever able to learn was that Hikari was afraid of what she was feeling. Things became so frightening to her, because of the intensity, that she freaked and tried to get away from it. Why, none of us will ever know. Hikari never talks about that time, and she ignores it if asked. For all I know it could be something that is still happening to this day, and for whatever reason she had to find someone else to help her, Takeru wasn't what she needed. But now...now that person is dead, and now who does she have? It kills me inside, every time I think of that gorgeous woman by herself, alone.

Sure, Miyako is her friend, and a great one to have, but that does not help with what Hikari is feeling. Miyako just doesn't always understand. I should know. She means well, but certain things just run too deep for her.

Looking at her now, as she sleeps, her soft purple hair sprawled across her pillow, unaware of everything around her, I can't help but feel guilty for thinking of her this way. But it is true....She never understood that thing about the black ocean. In fact, I barely understand it all myself. The only thing I really know is that Hikari also knew what it was. She had also been there and, for whatever reason, was being dragged there by the same dark forces that sucked me in. I guess that's why I sympathize with her so much; we share that. Poor Miyako, it's not her fault that she didn't experience it, but since she didn't and Hikari did, Hikari and I find more things to talk about and try to get to know each other better. Although, it is hard to get to know Hikari, just as hard as it is to get to know me.

Slowly, I get out of bed so as to not wake Miyako. Staring out the window, I think of today and take a deep breathe. I can still smell Hikari.

She came to pick up her children today, as always, and for whatever reason, she looked like she needed a hug, so I gave her one. It seemed so out of character for me, and yet I couldn't resist. She just looked so forlorn, standing there with her mind anywhere but here; and that's when I smelled her. It was a smell I couldn't place, but it was sweet, yet mild. It was not too potent. It was perfect, like Hikari. The best way to describe the smell is to say that it was her.

I remember how her eyes fluttered in surprise as I hugged her, and then she smiled. Somehow that reminded me of when she said I should smile more often. I couldn't help it, I found myself trapped in her big light-brown eyes. I was mesmerized by their color, size and shape. It was in that moment that I finally believed the eyes are the windows to the soul. I could actually see what Hikari was feeling, even if it was only for a moment. That's when I almost slipped. I almost tilted her head towards mine, and I almost closed the distance between us. I almost gave into the over whelming urge to pull her closer and kiss her. I wanted to feel her beautiful soul intertwined with mine. I know it wouldn't make me pure again, but still, I have to try. Ever since the dark ocean I felt so violated and destroyed, but I know she cannot help me there, or at least that is what one side of my brain says.

It doesn't matter now. I am a married man and my wife is still sleeping in our bed, with her pretty head filled with dreams. She trusts me so much, and gives out love to everyone around her without cost. The way she loves is the epitome of unconditional love. And yet, here I am, thinking about another woman, who is none other than her best friend.

I feel more than tainted, but I don't know what to do about it. Ever since Iori died, Hikari has been spending a lot of time over here, and who can blame her. Who wants to go home to an empty bed every night? But, since she is over here so often I run into her, often, and that is becoming a problem. Every time she's near me I almost lose control; it has happened before, but over the years it has only deepened, as though time has made my dark desires stronger as opposed to weaker. It's disturbing when I think of these things in the middle of the night. Right now it's pitch black outside, and yet I really don't think the darkness even begins to compare to what I feel in my soul right now.

Why do I feel this need to hurt, when I hate hurting others? Try as I may, I don't think I can ever find the answer on my own. So, instead of looking for it I settle for looking out the window. Why am I even awake at this time of the night? I just can't sleep. I can't get Hikari out of my head, and I wonder if I'm losing my mind. And then I make the mistake of closing my eyes and soon everything is drowned out by the sound of waves crashing against a shore. But I dare not open my eyes. I already know what this shore looks like, and I don't ever want to go back there. But the sound doesn't stop, and I'm forced to open my eyes so I can get to bed. When I do open them, there's nothing there; nothing but our room. So I get back into bed, carefully, and then I close my eyes again, just to open them wide in terror.

Every time I close my eyes I can still hear it. The dark ocean. It's still there. But when I close my eyes all I see is black.