Submitted by Alex Clucas

Konnichi Wa! Tales of Insanity!

First a rundown of current characters...

Alex: that's me. A 17-year-old, clinically depressed bisexual college student with drinking problems. Rodrigo: a friend of mine and alter ego in my Internet life. He is a twenty-something drop out and regular cat-rapist Mr.Floppolom: another friend and former Internet alter ego. Owns a dart gun and is often found laying traps for Rodrigo. Hates anime with a passion. Mumm-Ra: perpetually pregnant, psychic cat. Suffers from regular mood swings and lives with my other two resident cats, Tremble and Eyebrow.

3\/1L |\/|4St3r l33t a small, four inch tall, demon who has the bizarre ability to make me speak l33t for twenty minute intervals.

Shinji Ikari: four inch tall representation of my "good" conscience. Has troubles concerning his sexuality.

Cthulu: four inch interpretation of my "bad" conscience. Due to his demonic nature, everytime I catch even a glimpse of Cthulu I go temporarily insane and start singing anything that is in my mind. Bob:, narcoleptic master of the spatula> Christ reborn and earth's last hope for redemption.... Outlook not too sunny....

And finally, The Adversary, Destroyer of Kings, Angel of the Bottomless Pit, Great Beast that is called Dragon, Prince of This World, Father of Lies, Spawn of Satan, and Lord of Darkness....... Or Wingy, as he is known affectionately by us mere mortals> basically the antichrist and arch nemesis of Bob. Contains incredible powers, which are wanted by the government....

Episode 1

Unusual acquaintances….

A young boy sits at his p.c. in the dining room typing away. There are two small figures sat on his left and right shoulders. One appears to be a young boy and the other is a demon so hideous that it defies description. Even by me. And I know what he looks like!

Alex: damn! I can’t think of anything to write after this!

where are you up to?

Alex: where the thing comes out his chest and kills the townsfolk

Cthulu: Cool!

Shinji: more like morbid!

Alex: well, it is my serious work so I gotta make it more adult than my usual fanfics.

<3\/1L |\/|4S7Er l33t> whatchoo guys doin?

Alex: my serious story, Calm Before The Storm. Been ages since I’ve done anything on it!

E.m.l.: Cool!

Cthulu: that’s what I said (An extremely loud explosion is heard outside the room and Alex rushes to the door with his tiny companions in tow.)

Alex: RODRIGO! WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON? Rodrigo: they’re everywhere! They’re coming from the trees! GAAAAAH! Mumm-Ra: He’s having a psychotic episode it would seem. Shinji: where the heck did he find a grenade launcher? Cthulu: DUCK! (Everyone falls to the floor as a grenade flies into the dining room, destroying the p.c.) Alex: NOOOOOOO! YOU BASTARD! THAT WAS THE ONLY PLACE THAT HAD ANYTHING TO DO WITH MY STORY ON IT! Rodrigo: THE LIGHT! THE LIGH…GLAKK! (Alex proceeds to strangle Rodrigo who begins to quickly lose consciousness muttering something about the Vietcong) Shinji: Uh, Alex? You can stop now. He’s stopped struggling. Alex: He’s just unconscious! You have to hold on for ages till they die! (A dart flies through the air and hits Alex in the neck. Immediately relaxing him making him drop the unconscious Rodrigo to the floor) Mr. Floppolom: that was quite close! Good thing I tracked Roddy from the lab! E.m.l.: you were mucking around with the fusebox again weren’t you? Shinji: never mind that. Where did he get the grenade launcher? The Adversary, Destroyer of Kings, Angel of the Bottomless Pit, Great Beast that is called Dragon, Prince of This World, Father of Lies, Spawn of Satan, and Lord of Darkness. (Or Wingy): he asked me for one so I lent him mine. Alex: Wendy I can fly! penguins over the ‘ill cap’n thasands of ‘em! (the lights dim for a moment as rodrigo can be heard yelping from floppy’s lab under the stairs) giganomashio! Suna no bangarabid! Gazamanoooo! perhaps not. (Lights dim and yelping can be heard. Wingy sighs and goes to Alex’s room followed by e.m.l.) wait up, boss! You wanna play me on Gitaroo man? uh, whatever. You know I’m going to beat you anyway. uh, Mumm-Ra? Shouldn’t we do something for Alex? I cannea do it cap’n! Ah just dinnea have the power! (sighs) up to me to save the day again?

To be continued

Whadda ya mean, when? Whenever I can be arsed to do it!

Christ, everyone’s a critic!

I'm having problems getting the episodes to display correctly on my site, but I am working on doing so. If you would like to view the fanfic anyway, please download the files here.

Download some weird dreams that my friend Jenn had.
Jenn's Dreams