Please, keep in mind that many of the
stories on these pages are absolutely true.
Of course, sum are stretched a mite. Jist
lack we do with are fishin' tales. But they's
sho' 'nuff real story behind it all. Shucks,
I'm a fixin to git ya inside a here an' meet ya.
Shucks, ya'll might wanna git yerself a little sumpin' to munch on, and even some o' granma's rumatiz medicine. OK, then we got some water from the pump in the kitchen at the sank.
First I'm a gonna tell you about the new member to the family..... Shucks NO! Mah wife ain't gonna have no youngin'. Ah already raised mah own... An' now I'm a raisin' my grandson..... But I ain't a talkin' 'bout him nether.
I'm a talkin' 'bout my new critter. No, it ain't no snake or gopher or sump'n like that. Nope, we got us a real pet.... Yup, It's a pup. Well, he's three year old, but he ain't no bigger than a puppy. They used to call him Gizmo.... Shucks, I don't even know what a Gizmo is. But ah knows what a puppy is. It's a small dog.... Ah thank.
Well, when we first got him, the cat went spastic ...(ah wonder what that word means)... He tried ever' door in the place. Then he realized that the pup was smaller than he is an' he wazn't scared no more. This pup is one of them thar newfangled thangs called a Pomeranian. Sounds like somethin' from the middle east, and I ain't a talkin' bout Tennessee or Virginy. Shucks, he's got a lot of hair what hangs to the floor and he ain't no bigger that one o' them thar sewer rats in the big city over at Toad Suck.
When he first got here, the cat was wondering why we were a lettin' the pup eat from his bowl, and the pup was thankin' us fer lovin' luvin' him soooo much that we would give 'im two bowls to eat from.
But While Yer A-Checkin' Out My Place,
I'll Be Fixin' To:
Check the Fire in the Wood Stove,
Put a Pot o' Coffee On The Cookstove,
Light the Lantern, and
Make sure there's a Walmart Catalog in the Outhouse.
Feel free to make yourself at home.
Come on in, pull up a chair an' set a spell. I'm a gittin' the coffee on and I'm fixin to set with ya.
You can check out my place and go into any room ya want. I hope ya find somethin' here that ya can take a shine to.
Oh, I thank there's some monster Pics up in the attic if'n ya wanna check 'em out. I don't go up thar no more cause they really scare me.
But go ahead anyway.
Oh, before you go in here's the latest dikshunary.
It is the one and only
Billy Bob's Dikshunarry of Ozark Speakin' (Some guy who lived down in Hope, AR is sendin' me the dikshunarry a bit at a time. Fer some reason, lately it's all comin' from a post office in Warshin'ton, DC)
We gotta tell ya this or ya might thank we too slow.
Well we are slow, but this ain't my fault. The pictures are takin' thar good ol' sweet tam gittin' going. Just hang in thar an' they'll be here shortly.
Of course, ya might not even wanna see this one. It wuz took when ah fell in the crick, and whilst I was still laying under the water laffin' my wife took the piture. But ah thank it's the cat's meow. That's why I put it in here.
