So...you didn't think I would have such a great sense of humor, huh? HAH! Proved you WRONG! This page will include my favorite jokes. I hope to keep it updated! You must remember to sign my guestbook to remind me!
Do you remember ever playing that absolutely HILARIOUS game called "Mad-Libs"? Well, check this out! Fill out the form and then click the button at the bottom to create your hilarious story!
The following was the funniest joke I've heard in a long time....................
It was getting a little crowded in Heaven, so God decided to change the admittance policy. The new law was that, in order to get into heaven, you had to have a really bad day the day you died. The policy would go into effect at noon the following day.
So the next day at 12:01 the first person came to the gates of Heaven. The angel at the gate, remembering about the new law, promptly asked the man,"Before I can let you in, I need you to tell me about the day you died."
"No problem.", said the man. "Well, for some time now, I've thought my wife was having an affair. I believed that each day on her lunch hour, she'd bring her lover home to our 25th floor apartment andhave sex with him. So today I was going to come home too and catch them. Well, I got there and busted in and immediately began searching for this guy. My wife was half naked and yelling at me as I searched the entire apartment. But, damn it, I couldn't find him! Just as I was about to give up, I happened to glance out onto the balcony and noticed that there was a man hanging off the edge by his fingertips! The nerve of that guy to think he could hide from me! Well, I ran out there and promptly stomped on his fingers until he fell to the ground. But, wouldn't you know it, he landed in some bushes that broke his fall, and he didn't die. This pissed me off even more, so in a rage I went back inside to get the first thing I could get my hands on to throw at him. And oddly enough, the first thing I could grab was the refrigerator. I unplugged it, pushed it out onto the balconyand heaved it over the side. It plummeted 25 stories and crushed him! The excitement of the moment was so great that right after that I had a heart attack and died almost instantly."
The angel sat back and thought for a moment. Technically, the guy DID have a bad day, and it WAS a crime of passion, so he announced, "OK, Sir. Welcome to the Kingdom of Heaven," and let him in.
A few seconds later the next guy came up. "OK. Here's the rule. Before I can let you in, I need to hear about the day you died."
"Sure thing," the man replied. "But you're not gonna believe this. I was out on the balcony of my 26th floor apartment doing my daily exercises when I got a little carried away and accidentally fell over the side! Luckily however, I was able to catch myself by my fingertips on the balcony directly beneath mine. When all of a sudden this crazy man comes running out of his apartment and starts cussing and stomping on my fingers! Well, of course I fall. I hit some trees and bushes on the way down which broke my fall so I didn't die right away. As I'm laying there face up on the ground, unable to move and in excruciating pain, I see the man push his refrigerator, of all things, over the ledge and it falls directly on top of me and kills me!"
The angel is quietly laughing to himself as the man finishes his story. "I could get used to this new policy," he thinks to himself. "Very well," the angel announces. "Welcome to the Kingdom of Heaven," and he lets the man enter.
A few seconds later the third man in line comes up to the gate. "Tell me about the day you died," said the angel.
"OK. Picture this," says the man. "I'm naked inside a refrigerator......"
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I think everyone has forgotten how to be polite! It took me MONTHS to do all of this work! You could AT LEAST write and tell me how much my site SUCKS!!! COME ON!!! =o)
In case you missed the article, someone found a condom in a McDonald's hamburger last week. Here's David Letterman's explanation: McDonald's Excuses for a Condom in the Big Mac
10. We were test marketing the new Safe Sex concept
9. Condom, Condiment-what's the damn difference
8. It still tastes better than the Arch Deluxe
7. It was either there or in the vanilla shake
6. Turns out the rumors about Grimace and Mayor McCheese are true
5. We're experimenting with a new even happier Happy Meal
4. So what - a regular Big Mac is 60% latex anyway
3. Employees too embarrassed to say "Would you like a Condom with that?"
2. Drive-thru speaker broken-'coke with lots of ice' sounds like 'prophylactic device'
1. When you're serving billions and billions, you can't be too careful.
My Pages:
My Main Page |My Photo Album | Photo Album Page Two | Funny Jokes |
Hilarious Road Trips I've Been On | My Favorite Cartoons |
| Things I've Learned About Life and People | My Shrine to Lyndsi | UH OH!! NOT WAKEBOARDING!!! |
