Constructive Steps of Grieving
I'm in an on-line support group called FFOS@yahoogroups.com - Family & Friends of Suicide
I received this from another member. Thanks Terri!


Constructive Steps of Grieving

1. Seek out support.


It is important survivors not attempt to deal with their loss by themselves.
Given the social stigma, shame, and guilt, it is not surprising that many
survivors pull inward and withdraw from potential help. Yet, other people must
be
involved to help the survivors adequately resolve their grief and pain. They
provide the vital support, understanding, and comfort necessary to allow the
survivors to face their confusion and loss. Friends and relatives can be helpful
in this area. In addition, self-help support groups, such as Survivors of
Suicide, can provide the invaluable assistance of those who have experienced a
similar tragic loss.


2. Talk.


One of the most important things someone can do for a suicide survivor is
listen because the survivor must talk. Through talking, the survivor can release
a multitude of thoughts, feelings, and questions generated by the suicide.
When open communication about the suicide is forbidden, the negative results of
the suicide only increase. Honest sharing and patient listening are essential
keys for coming to peace with the suicide


3. Get questions answered.


While many of the "why" questions related to the suicide may never be
answered, it is important to obtain answers to as many "what" questions as
desired.
It is valuable to clarify "what" happened "when" so as to limit speculation.
Facts are typically easier to deal with than uncertainty and fantasy


4. Grieve.


Every significant loss requires a period of mourning. In this regard, suicide
is no different. Yet, frequently the fact of the loss gets hidden behind the
mechanism of the loss. Survivors attempt to quickly "put the suicide behind
us" so as to avoid the guilt and shame. They repress their grief and ignore
their loss. This, however, makes matters worse.

Survivors need the time, understanding, and freedom to grieve their loss.
They must work through the normal stages of grief without getting sidetracked by
the fact that the loss occurred through suicide. Sharing, support, and
patience from others are vital in this process.


5. Pour energy into constructive outlets.


The final stage of dealing with grief involves readjusting and refocusing on
life and the future. This is an important element also in dealing with
suicide. The intense emotions aroused by suicide generate energy that requires
some
outlet. These energies can be channeled into positive, constructive endeavors
that further aid the healing process. While opportunities vary, possibilities
include working to establish a local suicide hotline, serving on a mental
health advisory board, volunteering at an elderly or child care facility, and
reaching out to others who hurt through individual contact or a support group.


6. Continue family traditions and rituals.


For survivors of suicide, life will never be the same. Yet it need not be
totally different either. As part of the process of healing, family and
individual traditions should be respected and maintained. Doing so forms a link
from
the unsettled present to the more stable past. It helps to provide a sense of
continuity in a time of upheaval. It reminds us that life will go on and that
life can yet be positive and rewarding.


Surviving..


Surviving suicide establishes in the survivor a perpetual need to search for
both physical and psychological clues as to the reason for the suicide.

Whether irrational or appropriate, surviving suicide leaves a legacy of
inexorable guilt.
Surviving suicide profoundly alters one's social relationships as a
consequence of real or imagined stigma.

Grief following a suicide is always complex and likely to be incomplete.
The idea of suicide as a solution to a problem becomes implanted in the mind
of the survivor. Suicide erodes the capacity to trust others.


Casey Graham Memorial Page

Posted by az/maroc at 6:48 AM MST
Updated: Saturday, 26 March 2005 2:16 PM MST
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