Mr. Wonderful Explains Current Events
Mr.Wonderful
Contents:
2/11/00: Mms. Wonderful Defy Odds
2/10/00: Woods & Babbit Deal
2/09/00: Denial of Service Attacks
2/04/00: Woods, Babbit Divide AZ
2/04/00: The Hurricane Blows
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Contents:
2/01/00: Phoenix Best-Run City?
1/31/00: Goldwater's Split on Mass
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February 11, 2000: Mr.& Mrs. Wonderful Defy the Odds
Today Mr. & Mrs. Wonderful celebrate twenty three years of wedded bliss! They have defied and denied the predictions of innumerable marriage counselors, psychologists, psychiatrists and the oh so perfect Dr. Laura herself. In a moment of weakness, MW once asked the blessed Mrs. why? She responded with a grin and a touch and purred, "You make me laugh!" Imagine that ...
February 10, 2000: Grant Woods Deals With the Devil
Struggling tennis turkey, former top Arizona Law Official, and McCain front man, Grant Woods, states that now is a perfect time for Arizona to make deals with the Interior Department. 
 That's because, explains Grant, Secretary Bruce Babbit, is an Arizonan and is in his last term. What former prosecutor Mr. Woods has conveniently forgotten is that Babbit is a liar which nationally respected Democrat and attorney Paul Eckstein would be glad to confirm. Babbitt, as BIA chief has been indicted and convicted numerous times since he has come under the Clinton Shroud. Grant, just because it's a "perfect time" to deal, should we deal with someone who has the typical Clinton Administration's convictions?
February 9, 2000: Denial of Service Attacks Knock-Out E-Com
Mr. Wonderful was up late last night talking to former WNBA star, Janet 'Jump-Shot' Reno, about the recent 'Denial of Service' attacks on Yahoo and E-Bay. From our conversation, what I can tell you, is that these attacks are coming from thousands of different 'Internet Protocols' (IP's). (Each session on the WWW has its own 'address,' this address is assigned a number, this number is known as an IP address.) I deduced this from the fact that individual 'Denial of Service' attempts are fairly frequent and fairly simple to filter out. The FBI believes that persons unknown have secretly installed 'Denial of Service' programs on the servers (specialized computers) of innocent Internet users. These programs are then run from the servers of their unwilling accomplices to attack the e-criminals assigned e-victims and may continue running undetected for quite an e-while. The actual implementation of these 'Denial of Service' attacks is quite simple, however it does take some sophistication to hack into possibly hundreds of servers in order to have a base to launch these attacks from. In the past, many of these DoS attacks have their roots wrapped around individuals outside the United States. Mr. Wonderful can't help but think that our friends, and President Clinton's sponsor's in China have something to do with this. After all, where do you think E-Woks come from?
February 4, 2000: Woods, Babbit Divide Arizona
On Friday's radio show, struggling DJ (and lawyer) Grant Woods interviewed Arizona native, United States Secretary of the Interior (and lawyer) Bruce Babbit. Former Arizona Attorney General Woods did not grill the esteemed Secretary Babbit over the illegal shredding, the numerous indictments, and the mismanagement of over $400 million in Native American funds by his agency. Grant and Bruce stepped above the fray and discussed how Arizona should be saved from its own residents. Outside of Alaska, Arizona has more acreage owned or set aside by our federal government than any other state in the Union. But, that is not enough for statists (pronounced state-ists) Woods and Babbit. They wish you and I would confine our homes to inner city highrises and downtown walled apartment fortresses so they can preserve Arizona for future generations. And if you don't think that the huge federal demand for mass transit and zero vehicle emissions has anything to do with limiting where you will choose to live ... stay tuned.
February 4, 2000: The Hurricane Imprisons the Facts
In the March issue of Brill's Content magazine, Editor Steven Brill exposes that the 'hit' movie, The Hurricane about the wrongful imprisonment of former boxer Hurricane Carter, ignores some critical history. The facts are that Mr. Carter had three previous robbery convictions, and on the night he was arrested for this murder-movie, he had a shotgun in his car. (Think about it, when was the last time you've driven around with a shotgun in your car? At night?) Many times, these individuals you read about who were 'wrongly' convicted for murder, are violent criminals and previously convicted felons. Excuse the juries if they are too easily convinced that these same people could also commit murder. On another point, last year the talented actor Denzel Washington (who portrays the Hurricane) was quoted as saying the only reason he hadn't won an Academy Award was his skin color. Now that his performance is being mentioned as 'worthy of an Oscar,' will he ever be sure, should he win, the Oscar this year wasn't because of his skin color?
February 1, 2000: Phoenix Best Run City
The other day, Syracuse University appointed Phoenix as the best run city in the United States. Now, I don't know exactly everything our mayor, Skip Rimsza, said when he was asked for his response, but this is what I heard. "Our city won't stand for graffiti.
And when we see it, we paint over it with the same color paint..." as the building, fence or whatever. That's really sad. Phoenix, Arizona is this nation's 'best run city' because our maintenance workers paint over graffiti with the same color paint? That reminds Mr. Wonderful of the commercial building he owned in Phoenix during the early 1990s. One day I received a notice from the City saying that if I did not paint over the grafitti on my building the City would do it for me and charge me $750. That's how they handle grafitti on private property. They make it the land owner's fault! Rather than jail the paint sniffing, crack smoking, jerks who do it, this City makes it the taxpayer's fault.
January 31, 2000: Goldwater vs. Goldwater
The Goldwater Institute, behaving in the conservative form sculpted by its' namesake, is coming out against the $4.8 billion dollar tax plan that would fund The Valley's expanded 'mass transit system.'  Susan Goldwater, second wife of the Great Man and president of Planned Parenthood, blathers that she is disappointed with their position. Susan found it quite easy to manipulate the crippled eighty year old lonely desert icon and can't comprehend just why the institute also doesn't obey her billion dollar whims. Mrs. Goldwater, whose home is listed for sale at $2.8 million, wants to be certain that the masses, who make it alive past the cervix, have affordable transit. Even if it does cost the taxpayers of Phoenix $7,757 per foot! Phoenix Mayor Rimsza, who lives in a gated mountainside community, safely away from the typical transit traveler, is also especially concerned that the citizens who live along Van Buren Avenue, between the Capital and The City of Tempe have a $40 million per mile light rail train to affordably traverse the ten miles. This is so laughable only because Rimsza, Goldwater and their equal$, outside of an NBC News story, will never see the inside of any of our city's mass transit vehicles. The closest the mayor gets to utilizing our bus system is to ride his Mercedes mountain bicycle, in the special bike lanes he commissioned, past our insufficiently shaded, vacant bus stops.
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