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9/11/2003
Second Anniversary
Two years ago today, your Mr. Wonderful was in the shower at 5:38AM listening to the AM radio blasting over the water noise and hearing that a "small private aircraft" had crashed into one of the World Trade Center towers. Of course, as we know now, this was the beginning of an international war on terrorism that eventually will cost these United States hundreds of billions of tax dollars and the lives of thousands of both innocent American's and brave soldier's. Citizens one and all. It is absolutely unbelievable to me that we are going through all this incredible financial and human expense because a handful of insane terrorists seized control of three passenger airliner's using pieces of steel less than 7/8ths of an inch long. Metal blades less than 25mm in length. Now, don't get me wrong, your Mr.Wonderful, having lived under the decades-long, moth-eaten, comfort blanket woven by an adoring DeMedia busy worshiping the ultimate scammer couple, the "do-no-wrong" Clintons, I too probably would have remained in my tiny coach airline seat just like everyone else. Even myself, a 1964s Barry Goldwater Conservative, had been lulled into believing that since these United States had become so accepting, so amoral, so diverse and perverse, that everyone on the planet just had to love us. What reason would anyone have to harm an American? However, I would have been dribbling in my pants, and I probably would have behaved as instructed. I would have put my tray table in the upright position. But then again, maybe I would not have. And I'm not picturing being brave on the Pentagon-bound passenger jet, especially after it was known its true destination. That would have been a no-brainer. On that flight you could die in your seat or you could die standing, fighting, and shouting "Let's Roll!" At the time, at five foot nine, I weighed nearly 270 pounds and would have been the perfect battering ram for the cockpit door and served double-duty as an appropriately large shield of thick blubber for the member's of my ad-hoc squad. I'm writing about fighting for my life on one of the Twin Tower bound airliners. Why do I make such an absurd statement? Well, because since I sold my business in 1991, an enterprise that afforded the Missus and I everything from 60 carat aquamarines to Caribbean vacations and that allowed me to pilot a Lamborghini Countach, own massive Harlequin Great Danes, Rottweiler's and English Bulldogs, my lifestyle has been slowly sinking deeper and deeper into the toilet, similar to the huge leaden remains of a burning Macayo's chorizo and egg burro sliding down the ivory. And what better way to go down than in the flames of bravery? What better way to die than do it saving someone else's life? Someone else's life who might actually accomplish something noteworthy in their remaining years on this great planet?
Mr.Wonderful Talks Politics @ www.mrwonderful.org
8/27/2003
George Washington:
"While just government protects all in their religious rites, true religion affords government its surest support."
Mr.Wonderful Talks Politics @ www.mrwonderful.org
8/24/2003
Iraq Irritants
Here it is August 24th, 2003. Just the other day it was August 24th, 1951. How time flies. At approximately 6:00 PM, March 19th, 2003, the lovely Mrs.Wonderful phoned from her rugged outpost in the Lone Star State to tell me that
Iraqi had been bombed. The United State's and Great Britain's attack to free the Iraqi people from "The Butcher of Baghdad" and to free the planet of the Weapons of Mass Destruction this particular madman was designing, building or hiding, had progressed from inspection to invasion. Mrs.Wonderful, instantly phoned me, because I had, a husband's and father's grave concerns about attacks on civilian targets on American soil once the conflict had begun. Of course, much to the chagrin (defn. distress caused by disappointment) of the incredibly left-leaning-almost-to-the-point-of-being-traitorous DeMedia, no attacks were felt in these United States. Now with a Presidential Election on the horizon, and the socialist-Democrats seeing all the money spent on our military to simply free millions 'evil' Caucasian's in the Middle East are whining that it should instead be doled out to their millions of welfare and special interest clients. With eyes on re-election and in order to combat the Democrat's claims, Republican "Carry a Big Stick & Stick to Your Guns" Bush has been forced to consider keeping expenses down by spreading the cost of the continuing effort in Iraq among many nations. This he has begun by addressing the the pansies at the United Nation's. Of course, U.N. Secretary General, a person of glorious and righteous color, Kofi Annan, immediately answers with, "One has to be careful not to confuse the U.N. with the U.S. . . . the Council did not vote to support the war in Iraq." (I can easily imagine him as a character in the "Alice in Wonderland" play, making that so stuffy comment and then taking a sip of still steaming tea spinning in a cup of fine china. The picture being completed with his pinky finger sticking out as the teacup meets his lips.) While the French U.N. Representative, deodorant-impaired, Michel Duclos (pronounced "My Shell Duck Ass") hisses, "Only the U.N. has the legitimacy, impartiality, expertise." Let us pray the U.N. doesn't lean on the French expertise in designing the refrigeration systems for Iraq, Monsieur Duclos. What a group of stools. The other night, while your Mr.Wonderful was consulting with Californian Bill Simon, to foil any listening devices, I had Tom Brokaw's "Operation Iraqi Freedom" newscast sounding off in the background. What a load of bullshit. I certainly do not intend to lessen the tragedy of the death of a single soldier in this conflict (my oldest son was in the vanguard of the attacks to free Kuwait in Persian Gulf War number one) but listening to Clinton sycophant Brokaw, you would have imagined tens of thousands of coalition troops had died, rather than the less than 200 who actually did. And then they have the gall to show G.W. and Tom Brokaw walking and laughing together. If I was President Bush, and I had known about Brokaw's incredible slanting of his reports of the war, I would have socked the bastard right in the face. Hopefully breaking his nose, so he could sound even more nasally. And of course, we still haven't discovered any WMDs or Saddam Hussien, which conclusively proves that neither one ever existed.
Mr.Wonderful Talks Politics @ www.mrwonderful.org
8/02/2003
Who Gives a Damn about Finding WMDs?
As I write this in early August of 2003, no Weapons of Mass Destruction (WMDs) have been located in the deserts of Saddam's Iraq. Of course we have not found Saddam himself, even though we are as sure that he is inside the borders of his former fiefdom as we are that Ted Kennedy has not punched a timeclock in a single day of his blubbery existence. Those two facts either demonstrate our agents, whether they be from the NSA, CIA, FBI, U.S. Army Intelligence or others, are not very good at playing a most deadly game of hide and seek. Or Saddam and his agent's are very good indeed at hiding equipment and themselves, or more likely a melding of the two. The DeMedia and the liberal politicians in Washington are on a witch-hunt to track down whoever was responsible for the 'false' information that Iraq had WMDs. These left-wing legislators are determined to search out and destroy whichever Republican appointed official claimed that these weapons were hidden inside the ancient Land of Babylonia and Nebuchhadnezzar. As is evident to anyone who has been to Iraq, Saddam needed to be deposed and made deceased. Estimates of upwards of 823,202 individuals were murdered during his regime. The infrastructure of Iraq has been ignored for three decades and is collapsing even as we begin to resurrect it. Millions of Iraqi's live in substandard housing, without clean water, functioning septic systems, reliable electricity or many other basic 21st Century necessities which citizens of the country that holds the second largest treasure of oil reserves in the world could have easily provided. Understand Dear Reader's, that the DeMedia attacks on the Bush Administration in regards to the why's and wherefores of this war are to be expected. The DeMedia will not be satisfied until all American's reside in an Orwellian world of "goodspeak" and our children learn from dictionaries that have words such as "war" , "racism" , "homosexual" and "freedom" left on the bindery floor. But to have prominent left-wing-liberal-democrat politicians attack our President over the inadvisability of this war that has so far cost 167 American lives, only proves again what I've been writing for years. And that is that many in the Democrat Party put their power-grabs, their re-election and their photo-ops far ahead of doing what is right. What if Iraq were a country populated by Negroes? Would the DeMedia and the Political Left still be searching for reasons to have not gone to war?
Mr.Wonderful Talks Politics @ www.mrwonderful.org
7/20/2003
Is Your Overtime History?
The U.S. Department of Labor has proposed new rules governing when employer's must pay overtime, ie. 1.5 times the agreed-to base hourly rate. Statistics inform us that about 12 million employees worked overtime in year 2001. But those statistics don't reflect a couple of very important facts. One being, of those 12 million employees who reported overtime pay, how many of them have grown fiscally dependent on that regular overtime income? There is a great dispute between the administration and labor heads as to how many employees would see their gross pay drop or rise under the new regs. And number two, just for chuckles, how many currently-exempt-from-mandatory-overtime-pay-workers were there, and how many hours above forty did they record per week? Both unknowable facts, because no records are kept.
 Mr.Wonderful's own wife typically puts in nearly forty hours of 'exempt' overtime per week. Which based on a forty hour work week, effectively cuts in half what she is paid per hour! Secretary of Labor, Elaine L. Chao is proposing that "highly compensated" employees (defined as those who earn over $65,000 annually. It is not clear if overtime pay is included in the $65,000 figure.) be made ineligible for mandatory overtime pay if they meet just one test of the items delineated on the D.O.L. "Primary Duty" employee list. Meeting the qualifications in either the "Executive" or "Administrative" or "Professional" Duties Lists would exempt an employee from qualifying for mandatory overtime pay. A normal forty hour per week work year totals 2,080 hours. Your Mr. Wonderful, even after putting in a grueling 2,500 hours per year, falls far short of the proposed $65,000 annual base amount, so these proposed rules won't impact me. But I can relate to you, if my own overtime income were to be regulated out of existence, and since I've made all the cuts in my personal budget I can accommodate without literally going hungry, I would immediately refuse to work six days per week, I would be forced to find a second part-time job and most likely of all, I would have to hit the streets and search for greener pastures. Sadly, my leaving the security business would drop the cumulative IQ score of all the private protection officer's in the United States by approximately 42%.
7/16/2003
Big Brother in My Backyard
Anyone who has undergone selling a house has run into the mandatory home inspection. This is where a person who is familiar the various state, county, city, and construction codes and probably has a background in some phase of home building, carefully inspects your home for flaws in the stead of the person offering to purchase it. It's a good idea and is pretty much standard practice here in the Southwest. While your Mr.Wonderful was at work Wednesday, let in by the lock box key, the Wonderful manse was inspected. I came home in the early afternoon greeted by instructions, written in red ink, left by the Inspector Clouseau, that informed me that the two doors on my pool fence must latch automatically and I must put a padlock on the twin six foot tall gate doors of the fence that surrounds the entire back yard. Or face a fine from the city. I let the note simmer a while and then laid my frozen chicken thighs on the workhorse George Foreman grill on the patio. I adjusted the temperature dial, set my reminder timer to nine minutes and stepped out of the 110 degree heat into the relative coolness of the 82 degree television room. Jarred, one more time, by the "beep-beep-beep" of the timer clipped to the collar of my tee shirt, I ventured out, via the Arcadia door to the patio. I raised the domed lid of the G.F.Grill and checked my chicken. I found it still frozen as hard as a carp. The genius Clouseau had pulled the extension cord that fed the grill from the wall! Most likely for safety's sake. What insanity. If the extension cord is sized correctly. It is. And the grill's cord is sized correctly. I assume it is, it wears the ubiquitous UL label. There is absolutely no need to ever unplug the cord from the duplex receptacle fixed into the wall. Especially when the grill's knob is pointing to "off". But this is how far Big Brother will go if we let him. Here he is in my backyard disconnecting the sacred George Foreman Grill from its source of power. Consider this: I latch my double gates on the back fence once with a rod that goes into the ground and again with the latch at the five foot level of the gate. This is because, as my loyal reader's know, I have a slightly unstable eighty-five pound English Bulldog. And, unlike the acres of neighbors I am surrounded by, who trot their leashed pansy, wimpy, possum-like creatures they call dogs from blocks around to defecate in my front yard, I 'force' my own animal to place his steaming piles within the confines of his own backyard. What a concept.  Because of that fact, for the past eight years, all members of my household have always, always made sure the fence gates are closed and latched and latched again. But, do you recall where I said the latch was? At the five foot level. How many infants looking to drown, are there who can reach a latch situated at fifty six inches above the ground? Are these imagined infants going to roll the sweet pea green, four foot tall, eighty gallon wheeled City of Phoenix trash can over to the fence, and then, ignoring its 160 degree surface temperature, somehow scramble to its summit, and without tipping it over, possibly balancing on one chubby little leg, reach over the top of the fence to unlatch the gate? And even if the gate were equipped with a padlock, if all of the Wonderful family wasn't conscientious enough to be certain the gates were closed and latched at all times, how could a padlock make any difference? The gates are either closed and latched or they are not. Either way the gates are closed and safe from penetration by neighborhood babies. My friends, this is the kind of horseshit that we have opened ourselves up to, because we won't scream, "Enough is enough. Leave me alone!" How often has your overhead garage door failed to close because of a leaf, a spider web or lawn utensil broke the beam of the child-safety circuitry? Remember the elderly Awautukee couple beat to a pulp because the burglar-felon-scumbag entered through the open garage door? Why do you imagine that garage door did not close? Heaven forbid, the illegal alien parent's (who account for 22% to 27% of all child drownings) can't be expected to keep an ojo on their own mestizo's who run wild like vermin. How can they do this, especially when they're zonked on the powerful marijuana they smuggle in? Or drunk on the cheap beer they purchased at Osco or Walgreen's? Why do you think you see so many undocumented workers passed-out on the way to work, with the driving left to the sober-est one? Do you think it's because they worked from dawn to dusk the day before? If they did, Mexico would be a far, far different place. And WE are also responsible for all the White-trash, Brown-trash, Black-trash, and Red-trash who don't keep an eye on their children or leave them locked in their 140 degree SUV's while they're in the casino. Well, these individuals can't be to blame for what is, by indict from our politicians and their leach-like lawyers, our own lack of responsibility can they?
6/27/2003
Supreme's to All Americans:
"We respect the homosexual lifestyle"
The United States Supreme Court, in a 6 to 3, June 26th, decision, let it be known that six of the Justices believe it is just okie dokie for a man to insert his penis into the serrated anus of another man. Or to enjoy an occasional smoke of the raw and unregulated meat pipe. Apparently, in some circles, these manisfestations are tokens of deep love. I guess how deep depends on the assets of each particular homosexual. Because most males are so incredibly selfish and shallow, I can understand the draw to the lesbian lifestyle for a shy and/or unattractive girl. However, I have never met a dedicated lesbian who wasn't terribly and obviously tormented by something horrible (or remembered as horrible) in her background. The lesbians I have been around are wound so tight that I just steer clear of them to avoid being hit with flying viscera when they finally do explode. Your Mr.Wonderful has no objection if fags want to bump dickheads on the canal bank. But for the Supreme Court of the land to suggest to all American's that we must respect this deviant behavior is insane. Immoral. There isn't a heterosexual man who can restrain a shiver when he contemplates what these male homosexuals do. Will we be Judged for that too? I love the 'Drive-Time' FM radio pair I listen to. In their ignorance they cheered, "Yeah, the government has no right legislating morality." Being they are cookie cutter examples of ignorant-political-moderates (is that redundant?) they don't even realize that the Supreme Court just did legislate morality. Although they did it without previously garnering a single vote. And remember folks, your Mr.Wonderful is what is known as "queer-bait". That is, I attract male homosexuals. (The last one left an unsigned love note on my fedora in the dressing room.) Remember, a significant number of male homosexuals prey on young boys and teens. When I was a child, because I appeared weak, helpless and lonely, I attracted predator-male-homosexuals. Regardless of what laws Washington strikes down, single mother's especially, do not want these bastards around their precious baby boys. These are the sickest of the sick homosexual population. Of course the god-less Darwin fans are quiet when it comes to the subject of exactly how homosexuality fits into the evolutionary chain. Because it goes without even mentioning, that a form of "mating" that produces nothing - other than hemorrhoids, uncountable STD's, hepatitis and AIDS for the males, and the need to never again purchase dental floss for the female homosexuals, but alas, no progeny - is an undeniable evolutionary dead end.
6/24/2003
Supreme's to Universities:
"Ignore Grades, Pay Attention to Race"
The United States Supreme Court, in a 5 to 4, June 23rd, decision, let it be known that it considers a racially diverse student body more important than previous academic achievement. I have no idea how a student body comprised of certain specific ratios of racial backgrounds would make a higher education a more fulfilling experience. Your Mr. Wonderful, never having attended college on a formal full-time basis, instead entering the work-a-day world shortly after I discovered I was far more intelligent than many of my junior college professor's, is still under the apparently false assumption that a university education is all about learning what you need to know to obtain expertise that others would be willing to pay for. I didn't realize college was more a social engineering experiment than it was about education. Using faulty rationale, it is felt by left-wing academician's, and many non-thinking American's, that the proper mix of students of different races confined in the wholly artificial atmosphere that any university or college provides, whether these same students can handle the academic load, is more important than having a student body composed of pupils who may actually graduate. What should be studied, reported and printed on the headline of every newspaper in America (with USA Today providing a four color pie-chart for its many illiterate subscribers) is what percentage of these 'minority' students (who are are in the stead of evil White's and Asian's whose academic scores would otherwise qualify them, but whose lack of pigmentation disqualifies them from attendance) actually graduate. To insist that academic standards (already lowered approximately 50% since the 1900s) must be lowered further, in order for students-of-color to gain entry into post-high school education, is to admit that these individuals are, due to their race alone, of lower intelligence than the students of no-color. And that is absolutely false. As I have stated before, Ken Hamblin, Thomas Sowell, Walter Williams and Clarence Thomas are some of the most brilliant people on the earth. They are also very black. How can this be? Another thing for these selected minorities to consider is if and when they do graduate, how their college credentials will be perceived. I for one, tend to avoid any recent college graduate of color, especially in the area of finances or medicine, for fear that I am dealing with the holder of a college degree that is due mostly to the degree he or she provided diversity on the campus.
6/20/2003
Poll Reveals:
"Fear Tax Cuts will Benefit the Rich"
The latest Harris Poll published in the WSJ reveals that the DeMedia has been doing a good job in convincing many compassionate American's that the recent tax cuts will ". . . unfairly benefit the rich."  If you want to talk about "the rich," why not take a look at the laughable financial disclosure statements (with their gawd-awful and purposefully designed obfuscating dollar ranges) of our U.S. Senators and Representatives? Most of them are far, far wealthier than the average American. If "the rich" are such a curse to this Land, how can you trust our elected officials? Do they relocate to Washington, D.C. and become untouchable Saint's? the same station the sainted Ted "Fatter than Elvis" Kennedy occupies in his home state of Massachusetts? Understand reader, if you are a hard-working American, who earns every dollar you stuff in your worn wallet and if the incredible waste in our federal government were exposed to your virgin eyeballs, your orbs would immediately explode and your body would be racked with uncontrollable spasms that would make Joe Cocker's microphone-stand gyrations resemble those of the charismatic and concrete-contorted Al Gore, Jr. Our federal government spends trillions of dollars. Every single one of these dollars is ripped out of the purse of the American taxpayer, either in direct taxes, levies, fees, tariffs, surcharges, excise taxes, property taxes, sales taxes or the cost these taxes add to the price of any possible service or product you could purchase. Any knowledgeable person is sadly aware that a minimum of one-third of those dollars are absolutely and totally wasted. These greenbacks would be better spent wadded up and burned in the fireplace of a Phoenix home. In August. At 3:00PM. During a heat wave of 110+ afternoons. That's over 800,000 million dollars, ie., $800,000,000,000. If you actually believe that Washington having one penny more than it needs to operate at the level our Founding Father's envisioned, you probably are already on welfare, or your employment is dependent on continued tax dollars or insane regulations, or laws ordained from the banks of the Potomac, or you've already been made wealthy by Washington's largesse with our money. If all American men and women realized how many millionaires were made, and continue to be made and how easy they've made it, simply due to the 'contacts' they have in Washington, D.C., there would be an immediate bounty placed on the head all D.C. legislators and their cohorts. A quick example. I'm familiar with a couple who recently purchased a million dollar plus home and are spending hundreds of thousands of dollars remodeling it. His occupation? CPA. Now, you tell me if not for the incredible complexity of our tax laws this man's business, and hence income, would be one-tenth of what it was? I've mentioned this before but it bears mentioning again. I think Larry Flynt is the scum of the earth. I believe his being paralyzed and confined to a life of shitting in a bag is too good for him to spend the next twenty years of his miserable existence. But, if your Mr. Wonderful had a choice between the politicians in Congress keeping our tax dollars and Mr. Flynt receiving a tax refund of $125,000 and Mr.Wonderful getting a mere buck ninety-five, I would enthusiastically chose the latter. Every dollar that is left in Washington is just another dollar politicians can and will use to purchase another vote or to obtain another favor or to furnish their Vail retirement villa or to set up someone in business to compete with you or to prop up a Third-World dictator or . . .
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